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Thread: making siblings vs. BFing longer

  1. #1
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    Default making siblings vs. BFing longer

    I have a dilemma: my son is the only baby in the family by six years with no future cousins in the plans. All my sisters are much older and had their children early. I don't have any friends who are close to having kids either. I want my son to have siblings close in age to him to interact with since otherwise he would be very alone.

    I am currently breastfeeding though I have low supply and have to supplement with formula or goatsmilk and formula. I haven't had my period since September 2011. And boy has it been nice! I think even with low supply, my body knows I am nursing as much as I can and wont continue on with future reproductive processes.

    My dilemma is whether to wean at 9 months to a year so I can try for another baby or test the odds of conceiving while still nursing and if that works let that take its course.
    I personally am very conflicted because I really feel he should have a sibling soon but since I have never had a full supply, I feel like I should nurse longer than a year just to make up for my insufficiency and whatever caveats the formula produced.

    other things to consider: I will be starting domperidone soon to see if that helps and I may be getting donated milk to replace formula supplementation.

    What have you all done?

    My mother nursed each baby into her next pregnancies (about a year and a few months each) and since I was much later and last, I got 2&1/2 years of nursing all to myself.
    Long time wannabe Momma. First time actual Momma.

    -candice -

  2. #2
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    How old are you? Did you conceive easily the first time around, or did you struggle to get pregnant? The reason I ask is that if you're a younger mom without a history of fertility issues, I think you can very safely nurse for at least a year- or more, since on average nursing moms get their fertility back around 15 months postpartum even if they continue to nurse- and not worry one bit that it's going to take a long time to conceive baby number two. Let's say you weaned at a year or so and then it took you a year to get pregnant. Your kids would still end up less than 3 years apart, and siblings can be very close even when there are several years between them. My siblings and I are living proof of that (5 years between me and my brother, 8 years between me and my sister).

    If, on the other hand, you'd an older mom (say mid-thirties or older) or you struggled to get pregnant, then maybe you want to make a different choice, and actively try to get pregnant before your LO is a year. It's a tough choice and very personal- because on the one hand a baby does deserve to get to the minimum recommended 1 year of breastfeeding, but on the other hand, your child might not mind that you didn't nurse for a full year if the trade-off was a sibling.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    I think trying to get pregnant before your 1st baby is a year old is INSANE. The hardest adjustment I have ever seen women go through is one child to two. And TWO under two is always really really hard. I would try to make it to the year point period even if you never gave your baby a drop of breastmilk.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    Ok, so 15 months for the average full time nurser to get fertility back? That sounds ok. I really want to try to breastfeed him longer just because of the problems. I am 27 and getting pregnant was way too easy for us. First try actually.
    Are there any books or guides to sibling spacing? In my experience, my 4 sisters were all born 2 years apart and I was born 8 years after the last. They are all very close, I have to work at staying included sometimes and they all have totally different experiences and memories than I do.
    I think if I am honest with myself, I would do better personally with more space between kids but I really don't want my son to be so alienated like I was growing up without anyone near my age. My husband is 8 years apart from his only sibling and it was like they were two only children he says, they are as close as los angeles and new york.
    Long time wannabe Momma. First time actual Momma.

    -candice -

  5. #5
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    That isn't everyone's experience though. I am 14 years older than my little sister and 6 years older than my little brother and I have ALWAYS been very close to my sister. And my little brother I didn't like at all when we were kids because he stole my mother but as adults we spent a decade out together and really great friends. So that all has to do do with your family dynamic. And I am not talking about starting all over again 8 years later. BUT I think it's a good idea to get the 1st out of diapers. Avoid two in diapers if you can. Morning sickness and poopy diapers don't mix. Also so the 1st one isn't a baby but a toddler. Who can entertain himself for more than 5 minutes at a time alone and has enough language that he can use his words to tell you what he wants or needs.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #6
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    Another experience for you (I am also 27 now and got pregnant first try with DD1 at age 23): my period didn't come back until DD1 was 21 months old and I night-weaned her, and then it took me 5 months to get pregnant, so they are almost 3 years apart. No idea what that gap will be like for them as they get older (baby was born this July) but it doesn't seem too huge; and for Mommy it's a nice spacing right now due to potty training being done before baby came, verbal and physical skills being well-developed in the toddler, etc.

    Re: adjustment, I found having my first an INCREDIBLY hard adjustment and just sailed right into having a second, but that probably depends on baby's temperament as well as the older child's reaction to gaining a sibling. However, I figure in general the first is the bigger adjustment - at least now you're already a parent and understand what life with a baby entails, so it's not all this huge new experience. But I do agree that 2 under 2 looks too hard for me!!

    Good luck with your decision!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    I'm 26 and had my first baby in February - DH and I are talking about trying again in the fall of 2013 so that DD and her next sibling will be about 2 years apart if we get luckier than last time and only need a few months of trying. I am shooting for 1 at a time in diapers, but I also want to give myself a little time to a)have my body back and b) hopefully get at least 1 full night sleep IMO, I would wait the full year. If he getting close to 9 months, that's only 3 more months to go, and really how much of a difference is that when talking about age gap? Not really much at all! And he'll get a full year of mama milk, which is always a good thing

  8. #8
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*diymom View Post
    I am 27 and getting pregnant was way too easy for us. First try actually.
    In that case I wouldn't worry for a moment. Give your current baby the full year if nursing and then some!!! It's not like you're a mom who is pushing the fertility clock to its limit, trying to squeeze out a couple of kids before hitting menopause. (The pause while you reconsider men. )

    I am sure there is plenty that has been written about child spacing. But I don't think that anyone has come up with a magic number of years between babies that will ensure sibling closeness. It's so individual! There are close-in-age siblings who literally HATE each other and distant-in-age sibs who adore each other, and vice versa. I think your parenting is going to make a lot of the difference between those 2 types. If you and your husband can treat each child fairly and equally, they're more likely to get along and to value each other's company. If one child is favored over the other, that's a recipe for resentment.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  9. #9
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*satin.mama View Post
    Re: adjustment, I found having my first an INCREDIBLY hard adjustment and just sailed right into having a second, but that probably depends on baby's temperament as well as the older child's reaction to gaining a sibling. However, I figure in general the first is the bigger adjustment - at least now you're already a parent and understand what life with a baby entails, so it's not all this huge new experience. But I do agree that 2 under 2 looks too hard for me!!

    Good luck with your decision!
    My girls are 27 months apart though, and there were some tough things at first, (well and even now ) but I don't think another year would have changed that.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  10. #10
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    Default Re: making siblings vs. BFing longer

    We want a larger family, like 4 or 5 kids. I feel like having a kid after 30 will be tougher, let alone more than one after 30. It worked that way for my sister.

    I like the idea of potty training being done before a second baby and having a toddler who can communicate, but most of the kids in my family potty trained early and spoke early. Also cloth diapers help with potty training faster.

    I think I feel more comfortable waiting a little while longer now, I will nurse for a year at least, maybe a year and a half. We are almost starting solids so nursing wont feel so scary-my son requires supplementation and often refuses to eat non breastmilk supplements, add on that my supply is quite fragile-so we are looking forward to some food for him.
    Long time wannabe Momma. First time actual Momma.

    -candice -

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