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Thread: Thank you

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    54

    Default Thank you

    I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone on this forum, and to the La Leche League and their wonderful leaders. I've found so much support and helpful advice since I've found this community.

    I've decided to stop trying to breastfeed LO exclusively. My mother put it into perspective: she said that most women who are able to breastfeed successfully have happy, stress-free home lives, and are able to devote all their energy and attention into making breastfeeding work (a swooping generalisation, I know; but from my mother, trust me, it's a step in the right direction); whereas I've had nothing but stress since long before LO was born, from money woes to prenatal depression to moving three times. She pointed out what I already knew: that I'm not getting any time to just bond with LO, because instead I'm always worrying about her next feed or my supply and even when I do feed her, I'm so tense and stressed that I just get angry. So I've spent the last week thinking about it, and I'm just going to let what happens, happens. For the past four months I've been so obsessed with getting her to nurse well that it's affected my relationship with her and put a huge strain on my marriage, and that has to stop. If LO wants the boob, great; if she refuses it, oh well. If she nurses and it's pain-free, great; if it's not, I'll give her a bottle. I'll keep nursing her for as long as she wants to, and I'll always offer the breast first, but if she only nurses once a day she only nurses once a day. We'll stop when she wants to, be that in a month or a few years.

    I can't thank you ladies enough for your help and support. I couldn't have lasted as long as I did without it. To think that I was here two months ago and I'm still breastfeeding at all is one thing; to know how far I've come emotionally to be able to finally accept this is another. So, massive and love to all of you, and let's just hope that now I've checked off so many breastfeeding struggles from the list, at least LO's brothers and sisters will be easier to feed!
    Special thanks to Meg, for all the phone calls and emails, and Sherice, for being so lovely.

    Seriously. This whole community is so awesome. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,269

    Default Re: Thank you

    I know this has been so hard for you, mama. It's great that you're in a good place with your nursing journey. I just want to encourage you to keep trying- you never know when things will turn around! And it's worth continuing to try. I was in a very similar place with my first baby 6 years ago, worried that our relationship was going to be irrevocably damaged by my struggles with breastfeeding. But nothing could be farther from the truth. I look back at that tough time, and yeah, it was tough! But the struggles my baby and I went through- in the end those struggles helped forge an unbreakable bond.

    I do have to say that your mom's perspective on breastfeeding has me going . There are women who breastfeed through war and famine and divorce and poverty and illness, etc. The idea that you have to be privileged, stress-free, and happy in order to make nursing work is just fantasy. If that were true, the human race would never have made it through the Middle Ages!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,764

    Default Re: Thank you

    While I certainly disagree that mothers who 'succeed' at breastfeeding have no stress and all the time in the world to devote to nursing, that is not really the point. You, acover4422, have had very real, relatively unusual in severity, barriers to breastfeeding-iirc, including a painful latch you could not get resolved no matter how you tried, breast refusal, and low milk production. I am very sorry to say I also think that you were not served very well early on by your health care provider, as regards breastfeeding assistance. Even if your life situation had been of typical post partum stress, those breastfeeding related issues alone would have been quite difficult to handle. But, at the same time, you certainly have also had one of the most unusually stress filled early motherhood experiences, in ways totally unrelated to breastfeeding, I have ever encountered as a LLL Leader. Given that, I see your story as inspirational. Even if your baby does not get another drop of your milk or another second at the breast, you have managed to partially nurse your baby for four months, and in all likelyhood will nurse longer, despite really very difficult circumstances. That is longer than the majority of mothers breastfeed in the US!
    I have talked to many moms who wondered if they had reached the end of their tether, and I really believe, that when a mother feels in her heart she has done everything she can and gotten the help and support she could...in other words, done the best she could, under the circumstances, and stopping nursing or in any case stopping the struggle, so to speak, feels right in her heart, and she is not doing it due to misinformation and lack of support etc. but because it is her own informed decision, then she can definitely do so with a satisfied heart and without regret. Your baby is so very lucky to have such a devoted momma. Thank you for letting us know your decision, I really hope things get easier for you on all fronts.
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; November 29th, 2012 at 01:56 AM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Thank you

    Thank you both. Meg, your post just made me cry, but in a good way!

    Mommal, I know that my mum's views on breastfeeding are waaaaay off the mark, but I don't think she really meant "only women who have stress-free lives can breastfeed". She's not one to show affection, and I think that's as close to saying "you've tried SO hard, I'm proud of you" as she's willing or able to go. Trust me, from her, it's like a hug!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,269

    Default Re: Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*acover4422 View Post
    I don't think she really meant "only women who have stress-free lives can breastfeed". She's not one to show affection, and I think that's as close to saying "you've tried SO hard, I'm proud of you" as she's willing or able to go. Trust me, from her, it's like a hug!
    Sorry mama, I didn't mean to offend. It's really hard when the ones who are closest to us don't show us the support we need, and I know that sometimes there's someone in your life from whom you basically have to take what you can get.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    Sorry mama, I didn't mean to offend. It's really hard when the ones who are closest to us don't show us the support we need, and I know that sometimes there's someone in your life from whom you basically have to take what you can get.
    No offence taken Just making sure that I didn't offend anyone by giving the wrong idea about what she was saying.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,709

    Default Re: Thank you



    We're still here for you. I hope things get easier and that you can continue your breastfeeding relationship in whatever way is manageable for a long time to come.

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