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Thread: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

  1. #1
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    Oct 2012
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    Default Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Mommies,

    I searched the posts first, but couldn't find any answers (well, I did a quick breeze through - patience is not a strong suit of mine).

    I've been EBF-ing for almost 6 months now, and DS is a very active, healthy & ever-growing boy. VERY active, vocal, crawling. One can clearly see why he needs so many calories. We started solids a few weeks ago, and he loves it. To the point, I am tired of breastfeeding. He eats every 1.5-2 hours, and I'm worn out. Yesterday, I decided that enough was enough, and I'm switching to formula. Until I told my husband, that is.

    His POV: It's expensive, and this is why I'm not working - to breastfeed. To be on call. Why do I need help when this is all I do? (I'm in school full time as well, btw)

    I'm so sick of the self-guilt trips and the outside guilt trips. EBF-ing was a struggle in the beginning, but I persevered through the intense pain, and it was fine. Giving him solids made me realize that, OK, he doesn't have to rely solely on me anymore, and look! He's even happy not nursing.

    My husband and I have sort of patched things up, BECAUSE I gave in and said, OK I'll just continue to nurse. But really, isn't this my decision? Besides, Costco sells formula for cheap.

    This makes me angry. Even though I'm a SAHM, I'm in school, and stressed out enough with that. Why is he acting like this?


  2. #2
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    You absolutely ARE your child's main source of nutrition and will be for the 1st year. Solids are just for fun and exploration at this point. Not only does formula cost money, it's SUBSTANDARD nutrition. The AAP reccommend exclusive breastfeeding for the the 1st year AT LEAST. I have a really hard time with the idea of a mother who struggled and MADE IT through supply wise stopping for no real reason. Yeah it can be hard. Motherhood is. But you normally do what is BEST for your child. Even when it's hard. The cost of formula is more than just the price tag. Formula fed children are more likely to get asthma, alllergies, ear infections and excema. So really using formula when you don't NEED to puts your baby AT RISK. How much does asthma cost over a lifetime? How are ear infections to deal with? Why would you feed your child substandard nutrition and put him at risk if you don't have to?
    If you make enough milk, and if you have been EBF for 6month YOU DO, IMO you owe it to your child to continue. Your baby deserves human milk. And lucky for him AND YOU, YOU are able to provide it.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Mama, you aren't going to find a lot of support here for your decision to quit nursing. But if you are going to continue, you will find a lot of advice and support with dealing with those feelings of frustration. Can you tell us more about what is bothering you about nursing? Maybe we can help you find ways to feel better about it.

    Maybe your husband wants you to continue because he knows that nursing its what's best for your baby and for your long term health. Maybe he realizes that while it can be frustrating and draining, this is a very short period of time in the grand scheme of things and it will be gone before you know it. Maybe he recognizes that after working so hard and doing such a great job to establish a good nursing relationship, it would be too bad to quit now, when things are going better and starting to get easier. rmula definitely is more expensive, he's right about that. It's also a lot more work washing bottles, sterilizing nipples, mixing, getting up in the middle of the night to make bottles, remembering to take all your supplies with you every time you leave the house, making sure there is safe water to mix with wherever you want to go. Believe me, as a mother who has done both- nursing is a million times easier.

    Of course it's your decision, no one is arguing about that. But it's one you should make while keeping in mind the best interests of your baby as well as yourself.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Right. Thanks.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that you are finding nursing so frustrating at the 6m mark. I myself had a similar distressing thread about wanting to stop at 9m because DD eats every 1.5-2 hrs - it is SO tiring, especially when you nurse so much during the day, have to get up to feed at night (avg 3 times for me) and then have you life at the same time (house, school/job, etc). All the mamas here gave me some tough love, which is what I think you will see a lot of in the responses to your post BFing is the BEST way to feed your baby, it really is. If you are making enough milk and your child continues to grow well and meet milestones, then you would be doing the right thing to continue.

    DH often don't really understand the stress that BFing can sometimes put on mama. They have NO ONE relying on their body for nourishment and growth and they often just don't get the full time commitment that comes with that. My husband also played the $$ card at one point, saying that there's no point in buying food for the baby if I make it for free. All of that aside, I think DJsmom makes good points, and they were the same ones she gave to me. You child is the light of your life, so is it really worth giving him worse nutrition so that you can have more time to yourself, or feel less needed? If you feel like you just need a break, you could try pumping a little each day and then have DH give your son a bottle while you go out and do something fun, or use that time to study. Even if it's just 1 oz per night, you could have a full feeding by the end of the week and have dinner with your girl friends or get a pedicure! Your supply won't take a hit from one missed feeding, plus with the extra pumping I think it would compensate.

    We are all here to support you, and we HOPE that you will continue nursing your son. I know I feel SO much better about continuing nursing after my mini meltdown a few weeks back thanks to these moms and this forum. I know you will make the best choice for you and your family, but think about the whole picture before you just decide to cut BFing out of the equation. Your son will only be little for so long, and BFing is SO much more than food, its the time and the closeness and the relationship that you two have that he loves as well as food!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Hi blueberrysmom. I know, you are right. I just breastfed the little monkey, and I know it's the best thing. I think I'm just stressed out about tests, and feeling fat, and... just feeling out of control of my life. You know? It's a first time mom thing.

    When it comes to solids, I make all of his food fresh, and really enjoy it! I take pride giving him fresh fruits and veggies - he loves it! I've thought about pumping, but it's actually a lot less enjoyable than just breastfeeding. Hah, funny how that goes.

    I've had a few mini-meltdowns. I hate them. I don't have many friends that understand the complexities of kids or breastfeeding. I don't feel so alone anymore.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Hi Mama, I'm sorry too, that your having a hard time. I think knowing we've done anything like this for 6 months can be daunting. Especially if you had hard times. But I try to think of it like this, whoa! I've been BFing for 6 months!! I've never in my life done anything for 6 months! I get bored and need something new. Now I'm addicted! I've had my moments, but I got through them.

    Maybe it's not just the BFing, maybe it's also your taking care of an infant who is becoming active. That can be tiring. Explain to hubby it's not all you do. Your job is a big responsibility. Your setting up a little human to grow, then to be functional in the world. Our job is a big one. Can you pump at all? I hate to suggest it but so you can go out for a few hours on your own? I know the world seems different to me now when I'm alone.

    This may not be the best advice but I'm with the PP, this isn't a good place to come to get permission to quit. I would love to help you brainstorm to come up with ideas to help and keep you BF. you'll be okay, I think you need a little you break. A little you time. keep us updated mama.
    First time mommy

    I think I'm doing really well. Babies are amazing little creatures and every moment with her is a gift to me.

    I'm not political but don't mess with my baby or her meal!

    EBF <3 5 months old now
    Co-sharing sleep <3
    BLS when she gives us a thumbs up
    NIP, and she'll wean when she's ready

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Oh, I totally know - I don't like pumping either! I only do it if I know that we're going to be separated, plus I'm awful at it so I need to pump like 1-2 weeks in advance to get enough for a couple feeds. It's time consuming, but it's better than formula - and if it's going to give you a little bit of sanity once a week, it would be worth it! I make as much of DD food fresh as I can. Sometimes I get like peas and carrot canned because it makes for great and easy finger foods, but other than that, my magic bullet is my friend! She loves solids too, but at this point, milk is going to give her much more calories than veggies and fruits, so it's a balance!

    Being a first time mama is tough, I feel the same way - fat and out of control! But that doesn't make it true #1, and #2 we didn't become moms to be selfish - we did it because we wanted a family to love. BFing is such an act of love (ask DJsmom about the truck! haha) and it really is for just a little while if you look at the big picture. I've had plenty of mini meltdowns, only a couple have been broadcast on the forum, but with support and good advice, I have felt a lot better and I bet you will too

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*abigailfeldman View Post
    I don't have many friends that understand the complexities of kids or breastfeeding. I don't feel so alone anymore.
    That's why this forum is great! Every mama on here KNOWS that breastfeeding is hard. And it's NOT free! It takes a tremendous amount of commitment, time, and calories on your part. And no, I don't think even the most committed and supportive DH can completely get that. If you haven't done it you just don't know. Still, I can understand why your husband's comments made you upset. You might want to see if you can set some time apart - when you're not exhausted, when baby's not crying - to talk to him about the commitment you are making to nursing your LO and the fact that you would like his support, not to be taken for granted. In the meantime, we will be happy to give you all the support we can to continue breastfeeding. Keep at it mama!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    Default Re: Tired of breastfeeding/husband issues

    Hey mama. Being stressed out and having your dh tell you you have to do something is just a super frustrating situation.

    I will say you are doing great bf your little guy and stick with it as long as you can. It can be so much more than nutrition, it is an incredible way to soothe your little one when nothing else would work.

    Both my kids became somewhat distracted around 6-9 months but they still needed to nurse. You are doing a great job. And reaching out for support is the best way to get through those stressful times.

    Keep up the good work

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