In-laws trying to give junk food to baby rant

[@llli*filmmommy]

My family and in-laws are pretty much the same way. I got into an argument with my mother about birthday cake, as well. These are people who constantly say things like, "We're not dessert people," but then insisted on buying a grocery store cake that no one wanted for a communal birthday gathering when my LO was 10 months -- they only bought the cake, I'm convinced, for my baby to eat. I said for months that she wasn't eating any cake and they would argue and argue until I'd yell at them, then they'd make a big deal about my yelling at them. What's the quote given to students of Zen, "If you think you're so enlightened, go spend a week with your parents"?

My DH is the same way and never really says anything to his parents about things that bother me. I always have to tell him what to do ahead of time. Before you go, you can say, "If your parents start talking about food, this is what you need to do." If he's like my DH, he'll agree but then back down when the time comes, but then you can give him angry looks that may remind him. Also, if there's things you think they'll feed your LO, take a healthier version. Like for my DD's birthday, I made her healthy cupcakes instead of a cake. And we always have frozen banana puree for her instead of ice cream.

[@llli*tallmadre]

I do hear you to an extent. My parents have seemed genuinely puzzled that we weren't feeding our daughter solids at a much earlier age. I even remember when she was something like two months old, we went to a really famous frozen custard place for concretes. I was telling my parents how amazing it was and they were shocked that I wouldn't give my baby a taste of my frozen custard. Umm....NO! Then my mom said she looked up in my baby book when I started solids--our pediatrician recommended starting me on fruits at 6 weeks! Not only that, I was formula fed because my mom had a health issue that made her think she couldn't breastfeed. So to them the idea that a child would only eat breastmilk for at least six months is just plain foreign. They're not unsupportive, just unaware, and I chalk it up to mostly a generational issue.

[@llli*nathansmum]

Thanks for all the suggestions!
I will definitely try giving them a timeline to anticipate, one year birthday for some cake sounds reasonable. And will I talk to Dh about him stepping up and setting some ground rules with them. He is supportive, but leaves this up to me because he feels that feeding LO is my department, and I know best and should set the rules. I am definitely going to stand my ground on this issue, especially after having coffee with my neighbor today and seeing all the silver dental work in her poor little 5 year old's mouth.

[@llli*mumtothomas]

I agree that it's great if your husband is willing to talk to them, but if he isn't, or it's going to cause undue tension between the two of you, I'd just tell them myself (not without letting him know, of course; more of an "I really need for them to know what the boundaries are, and I really think it might be better coming from you, but if that's not something you can do, I can/will."). It doesn't have to be aggressive, just matter of fact--this is what we're doing/thanks for understanding (or if not understanding, doing it anyway ).

[@llli*jeno]

I can't stress enough how little you should argue with these people. Say ONCE "she won't be eating *xyz*", and if they say anything else, change the subject, and if they STILL say something, GET UP WITH YOUR BABY AND LEAVE THE ROOM. Don't yell, don't get mad, don't argue. If you stick to that routine to the point of absurdity, they'll get the picture. Continuing to talk will make them think you are considering being persuaded, and you aren't

[@llli*ambrosegirl84]

I totally hear you!! My 5.5 mo is EBF, and my SIL has a 6.5 mo. We basically do EVERYTHING opposite...I CD, she uses disposables, I BF, she FFs, and so on, which makes it awkward when we get together (esp. since we don't necessarily like one another to begin with). At my birthday party the in-laws wanted to give my LO cake and ice cream. I was soooo glad when DH said "no way" even though the other baby is getting ice cream, juice, mashed potatoes with milk, etc., and then SIL complains the dr. says her LO's too fat. Ya think??

I'm kind of dreading that I'll have to get in "mother bear" mode at Christmas, bc we are just starting to think about solids now, and definitely not juice or ice cream.

Just stick to your guns, and maybe your in-laws will someday see how much healthier your baby is. If they don't see it, then that's their loss!