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Thread: Sanity OUT the window!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    North Beach, Maryland
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    Default Sanity OUT the window!!

    My DD is 17 weeks old, and let me just start by stating I LOVE MY CHILD BUT, I havent slept in 2 weeks, all she does is cry and cry and cry, and for NO REASON. I have taken her to the pediatrician, she checks out ok, NOTHING is physically wrong with her, she just cries unless she's being held, and only by me, her dad or brother can only hold her for a few minutes before she starts in. 2nd all she wants to do is eat, and I'm not exaggerating when I say ALL THE TIME, she eats for 40 minutes, falls asleep, I set her down annnnnnd she cries again, then she starts violently sucking her hands like shes starving, so I feed her again for like 20 minutes!!! WTH!!I want to switch to formula every damn day, but every day I tell myself no no this is better for her. But I am soooooo unbelieveably stressed out and depressed I feel like I've lost half my milk supply, my breasts feel drained all the time not just when she's eating. I dont know how to calm down as she wont let me have a break ever. I'm starting to resent everyone in my house including DD. What the hell do I do? Can you take anti depressants when your BFing? I am at a complete loss. I want to pack my bags and leave everything on somedays. Why is she being like this? She doesnt sleep at night, she doesnt take naps, do other babies do this? I need a nap. I feel like a zombie. I put milk in the cabinet the other day, it was there all day, my husband found it when he came home from work, that's how bad this is getting, and last night she was up every hour on the hour.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    Yep. All normal. So....for starters stop trying to put her down. She sounds like a high needs baby. Who is telling your VERY VERY specifically that she needs YOU. So I would look into a wrap or a sling so that you can wear her around the house. This will help as it leaves you hands free. So you can get food and change the laundry and put away dished with her ON YOU. Also, sleep when your baby sleeps. She wants to touch you. Smell you. Be near you. Allow her that. So lay down with her at nap time. SLEEP with her. So that You BOTH can get some. Because she is waking up because she doesn't feel/sense you. So stop that. At nap time lay down with her. And SLEEP. At bedtime lay down with her. I doubt she will wake every hour if she is laying right next to you.
    YES you can take antidepressants while breastfeeding. Do you have a history of taking those kinds of meds? If so you can call infantrisk and see if what you usually take is compatible. MOST meds are. If not you can e-mail Dr. Hale and finds a comparable substitute.
    In terms of a high needs child, I urge you to think of it from her POV. You are all she knows. She came into this world and was used to being with you/in you 24/7. And now is in the big strange place where you are constantly trying to LEAVE HER. IF you held/nursed your child for 12/hours a day that is still a 50% reduction in what she is used to. Some babies make that transition easily. And some babies don't. Crying is the only way she can communicate with you that this is NOT OK with her. Honor that. What a 17 week old wants a 17 week old NEEDS. Breastfeeding is the only way that she can feel CONNECTED to you like she used to be. Keep at it. She isn't going to be less high needs if you switch to formula. You will just then be paying to feed her substandard nutrition instead of giving her your perfect milk for free. And you'll have to add mixing & warming formula and washing bottles to that mix. Get a wrap. Let go of the idea of putting her down until she feels more secure with that idea. And understand that even with the most well tempered kids, breastfeeding is a round the clock non-stop affair in the beginning.
    I HIGHLY suggest you begin so co-sleeping. And by all means see your doctor if you think you need meds.
    Good luck. Stay focused. You can do this.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
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    Aug 2012
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    I do co sleep, I tried putting her in a bassinet by my bed but found that she slept better in bed with me until about 2 weeks ago. I'm not going to give her formula, that would be selfish of me, but it seems it would also be easier. I will invest in a wrap, I try and hold her while I'm doing some things, and when I eat, I put her on the boppy and she eats too. She's been so stuffed up for the last 3 days that its making everything twice as hard for her, she cant breathe, when she sniffs it up it chokes her and makes her cough, so eating has been tough. Her pediatrician said she's just stuffy and to try a humidifier, so I have one right next to the bed, turns out it helps me as well. I also bought saline nose drops, but neither of those seem to working. Could she have croup(sp)? I have her on me as much as possible, and I know that shes not "hurting" from something such as a physical reason, because she laughs and plays with me when shes not eating and inbetween crying. My son was SUCH an easy baby, never cried, never got sick, he's making up for that now at 10 years old LOL. So I dont know how to deal with a "hard/difficult" baby. I talk to my friends who all babies within months of mine and they are no help, theirs all sleep through the night, dont cry, etc... So this and my breastfeeding support group are the only place I can come for advice, or even to just vent. And I have read plenty of moms losing it, so I feel like Im in good company lol.

  4. #4
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    May 2006
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    First of all, big . What you're going through is no fun and no joke. Everyone here knows it, and that's what makes it so much harder to say the following: it's also normal. It's just normal baby behavior, particularly for a high-needs baby, as DJs.mom pointed out. You can't change it. All you can do is find strategies which help you cope. If that means antidepressants, then by all means find the right one and take it! Contact your doc, and call Infant Risk. And co-sleeping, swings, and wearing baby in a sling are your friends. My first baby was extremely high-needs and until she was around 8 months old she was either pressed up against me in bed, in the Baby Bjorn or the Ergo carrier that I got after DD's weight maxed out my back, or in the swing. We went through a lot of D batteries!

    Just a quick question: are you on any form of hormonal contraception? HC can have a dramatic impact on your mood, and also your milk supply. I don't think the night-waking is related to supply, nor do I think that it's abnormal to never feel full- but if you are taking HC that could explain some of the dimensions of the issues you're having.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    Try shooting breastmilk up her nose right before feeding her. That is a good "Quick fix". It won't clear her up for long, but it will long enough for her to eat comfortably. And I agree that it's very very hard when they won't let you put them down. I started wearing my son in a Moby when he was 5 weeks old and it changed my life. I could bend all the way over and get clothes out of the dryer. Right checks at a store. I didn't even buy a stroller until he was 10 months old! And he went to sleep so quickly and all the time. He was sleeping on my because of the constant movement. It really mimicked the womb. So she will be less cranky because she will get more sleep. And it didn't ALWAYS work but sometimes I could wriggle out of the moby and leave him in it on the bed and he wouldn't wake up right away because it still smelled like me. Ya know?
    And in the interm I think it will greatly help your state of mind to just sort of accept your attached state. Like get up in the morning and find a comfy spot where you are going to sit and watch tv and eat and feed her while your older one is in school. You need sleep but it doesn't all need to be at the same time. Have you started napping during the day yet? It took me right until about 4months to get that idea mastered. Because that was about how old he was when we mastered the sidelye nursing. So now that I could nurse him comfortably laying down I could go to sleep. He slept SOO Much better at that age with me next to him and I NEEDED the rest. So for at least ONE nap a day I was all in. And having me next to him made him sleep, better for longer. So the nap I took with him was generally at least 2hours long. Try to work that into your routine before your other one comes home from school.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #6
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    May 2012
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*zackndelaneysmama View Post
    I talk to my friends who all babies within months of mine and they are no help, theirs all sleep through the night, dont cry, etc... So this and my breastfeeding support group are the only place I can come for advice, or even to just vent. And I have read plenty of moms losing it, so I feel like Im in good company lol.
    Big hugs to you, this sounds so tough. I do want to reassure you, as the PPs have said, that this sounds so normal. And your friends, while lovely people I'm sure, are not telling you the truth. Their babies DO cry and most babies wake up during the night (and frankly, I question when very young babies sleep through the night--that isn't the norm and isn't really how it a baby is set up to sleep when they are young--they are SUPPOSED to wake up; it's a survival mechanism). I think it can be so so so so much more difficult when the people around you are telling you how great things are so I am glad you are here and can find people who openly sharing their struggles.

    I second (third, fourth) the suggestions to babywear, nap when she naps and cosleep. They've all been lifesavers for me (at 11 months, I am only just now not napping with him at every nap). We love the Moby wrap--he doesn't usually sleep in it, but he is always so calm and he loves to be close to me.

    I hope this is just a phase (I'm sure it is) and that it will pass quickly once the stuffy nose clears up.

    Dr. Sears has some great articles on the high needs baby: http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/...high-need-baby He also has a book you can find on amazon (or your local library or bookstore) on parenting the fussy or high needs baby.

    Let us know how it's going!!

  7. #7
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    Oct 2012
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    It's hard when LO is stuffed up, poor thing. My LO has been going through a couple colds (last week and seems to have a new one now) and understandably gets very upset when she can't breathe while she's on the breast. When that happens I use a bulb syringe to suction out her nose - when the mucous is really thick I think the humidifier and saline can't break it down. She hates it but it's quick and afterwards she's so much happier!

  8. #8
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    Sep 2012
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    Sorry you're feeling so frustrated. I went through very much the same thing (my son's nickname is zayne the PAIN for a reason ). I tried three antidepressants beforefinding the right kind with no ill effects. But the best thing I did was dropped all expectations. It might be harder for you bc you already had an easy baby but you can't expect both your children to be the same. The dr sears series of books and raising your spirited child did help me feel less isolated. I also did a lot of research into temperament. Your baby is not doing this to be manipulative or spiteful. She really does need you. high needed babies feel everything so much more intensely. Its scary to be alone in her eyes so when she wakes up alone she turns to her go to comfort measure-sucking on mom!

    Did I read it correctly that she slept better up til two weeks ago? If its just the congestion I agree with the saline and bulb syringe. I tried the bm up the nose but he was just too wiggly. Otherwise, could she possibly be teething? You could try tylenol or teething tablets at night and see if that helps.
    Last edited by @llli*zaynethepain; November 9th, 2012 at 02:21 PM.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    Ok so here's my update. While DD is still super stuffy, I think it's ust the weather being crazy hot one day cold the next. I have resorted to feeding her in our small guest bathroom with the humidifier running, and it works. Also at night we are now sleeping in her room as it is much smaller than my room, again with the humidifier running all night and we are getting about 6 1/2 hours of sleep in one stretch. I have an appt. with my doctor today for PPD medication and have set up couseling sessions with a woman who specializes in PPD and PPD OCD. Also, my weekly BFing support group is every weds, and I will be attending a PPD support group as well. She is high needs, which is causing me even more anxiety, stress, and depression. I do need a recommndation though, on a baby carrier that I can breastfeed in in public? My DD weighs 17lbs and I HATES her head being covered by a blanket, its really hard on my back as I'm not very big, I've heard great things about the ergo, I was just wondering what yall recommend or have tried. The moby is great for carrying baby around in, but she wont eat in it. Thank you for all your input, I do feel much better.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Sanity OUT the window!!

    Do you need to nurse her in a carrier, or cover her head? You can nurse in the Ergo, but it's kind of awkward. You lower the waist strap so that her head is lining up with your nipple and then latch her on in a sort of upright position. But her head would still be covered. Also, you would have to be standing, I think. I did manage to walk once while Trixie was latched on. I think it would take some practice.

    The way I NIP is I have a nursing tank on with a shirt over that. Pull up top shirt and cover my skin with the top shirt while she's latched on. If she unlatches, I drop the shirt pretty quickly. You can also use a small blanket or burp cloth the same way. No need to cover her head.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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