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Thread: Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

  1. #1

    Default Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

    I'd like to first apologize as I know this information is most likely covered in these forums .. I just signed up and saw all this wealth of information but I don't have the time right now to sift through everything and will read through it as I have the time.

    After a long time trying to conceive, we were blessed with identical twins but it was short-lived as I had an extremely high-risk pregnancy and was told I would most likely lose one or both at 20 weeks. At 28 weeks, I was rushed to an emergency C-section, and after a rough six weeks, my younger son passed way. My other twin came home after 12 weeks in the NICU. He is currently 17 weeks, or 5 weeks adjusted and drinks anywhere from 4-7 oz at 3-5 hour intervals.

    It took three days for my colostrum to come in, and in the beginning I was very good about pumping (the first three weeks mostly). After that, I was decreasing my pumps, and I had an okay supply but not great. However, after the death of my younger son, I fell into such depression and shock that I think I pumped four times a day and my milk production suffered.

    At the time, I thought I'd be fine because I had so much milk stored up from the time they were in the NICU, but now, we're going through the frozen milk extremely rapidly, and I don't produce nearly enough milk. It's causing me a lot of stress and bringing me down.

    I do take More Milk Plus, and I try to put him to breast, but I'm very sad to say that I don't find breastfeeding as easy or enjoyable as I thought I would and I dread it. Sometimes he will fall asleep while feeding but he'll wake up in an hour because he didn't get enough and I'm just exhausted trying to keep up with him so I'd rather bottle feed him to know how much he gets.

    Is it hopeless ? We're going to run out of milk soon and I'm already crying thinking of putting him on formula (which we had to do for a while since he was a preemie and it really upset his stomach .. he has bad reflux and his tummy always seems to bother him).

    Thank you.
    Last edited by @llli*blackbee; November 7th, 2012 at 11:25 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

    I'm so sorry mama, that you lost your baby.

    How much milk are you producing in a day? How much are you feeding him per day? How many times a day are you pumping? And 7 ounces is WAY too much to feed him at a time. Even 4 ounces is on the high side for a baby that age.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

    It's not hopeless but you are going to have to pump way more to get your supply up to where it needs to be. Are you willing to do that to continue to provide him breastmilk?

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

    I am so sorry about your lost baby, mama. I can totally understand why you didn't pump as often after he passed. Hooking yourself up to that stupid machine has to be the last thing you want at a moment like that.

    The PP made a good point about the bottle size. 7 oz is way too big for a 5 week old baby. 2-4 oz is a more reasonable amount. You just give the bottles much more frequently.

    How often do you pump every day? And how often do you nurse? The more you do both of those things, the more milk you'll produce. It's normal not to enjoy nursing all that much at this point, because nursing a 5 week-old is not enjoyable. They don't do anything but fuss and nurse and poop, and it's a constant struggle to keep them properly positioned and a constant question in your mind whether or not they're getting enough to eat, especially when you're a first-time mom. It's not until your baby is a little older that nursing is going to become enjoyable. He's going to become easier to nurse as his head control and muscle strength improve, and he's going to start giving back emotionally, expressing how much he loves nursing and loves you by looking at you and smiling, and reaching out to touch you.

    I think a lot of moms who have had babies in the NICU get a little obsessed with knowing how much their babies are eating. Which is totally understandable- with a medically fragile baby you have to be obsessed! But once your baby is term and gaining weight at a normal rate, you can probably start to let go of some of that worry, and relax about whether or not your baby ate X number of oz at a feeding. One thing you might want to consider doing is renting a professional scale. By weighing baby before and after nursing, and subtracting the before from the after, you can come up with a very accurate measure of how much your baby ate at the breast. If he eats enough when he nurses, you can start phasing out the bottles and just nurse.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5

    Default Re: Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

    Thank you for the replies. Let me see if I can answer some of the questions .. in a day, I normally pump anywhere between five to eight times. On the nights when I'm sleeping and my husband is taking care of our baby, I'll wake up after six hours of sleep and pump around 200 mLs. Otherwise, every two to three hours, I pump 60-80 mLs. When we were restricting him to 4 oz, he would feed about every 2.5 to 3 hours so around eight times a day. When we increased it to 5 oz, he ate around six times a day. When we did 4 oz, he would be wide awake after and not sleep .. with 5 oz, he usually falls asleep after his feeding.

    Yes, I am willing to do nearly anything to be able to continue providing him with breastmilk ! I was always adamant that I would breastfeed him for at least the first year of life and now, much like my pregnancy and delivery, I see that things aren't going the way I envisioned and it just makes me incredibly sad. I don't know how often I should be pumping but it is also difficult since I take care of him full time when my husband isn't home (and I work from home) so I have to sneak in pumpings when I can.

    I'm not sure if he should be eating for a 5 weeker or for a 17 weeker. When he was released from the hospital, when they were still measuring his feedings by bottle, they fed him 3 oz each feeding. When they started ad libbing him, they let him decide when he was hungry (when he'd start crying) and how much he drank and so when we brought him home, we figured he'd drink until he was full and stop himself, but now I'm reading that that may not be the case. I'm upset to think that I've been shoving food down his throat and overfeeding him as it sounds like I may be doing, yet I don't know what to do when after a feeding he's still smacking his lips, trying to eat his hands/my shoulder and crying.

    When he was released, he weighed 6 lbs 5 oz. Two days later at the pedi's, he weighed 6 lbs 10 oz. Seventeen days later, he weighed 8 oz 6.2 oz. We have his first RSV shot tomorrow and I'll see how much he weighs then. At the hospital, I used to breastfeed and weigh him before and after to figure out how much he drank, but closer towards discharge, they told me to stop since he was getting enough. I could find a place to rent a scale though .. didn't know they did that but it would be helpful. Early in the morning, when my breasts are very full, he'll drink and then fall asleep, and then I'll pump, but then he'll wake up an hour later and be hungry again and since I emptied my breasts, there's not much in there. If I don't pump, I'm worried that I'm not emptying my breasts enough. Arg !

    I should also mention that we don't feed him 7 oz all at once .. we always start with 4 oz, and then if he still seems hungry, feed him another oz, and then another ...
    Last edited by @llli*blackbee; November 8th, 2012 at 12:49 PM.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Trying to rebound from the death of one of my twins

    Even at a year, neither of my daughters took more than 4 ounces at a time from a bottle. And yes, they did feed 10 to 12 times a day. Even at almost 2 years old and 4 years old, they eat about every 3 hours during the day. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner.

    He may want to suck, have you ever thought about latching him back on after you give him a bottle? Or what about using a pacifier after giving him a 4 ounce bottle and see if that soothes him?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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