My twins were born at 31w+1d, and were in the NICU for about two months, and have been home for one month. I have been expressing milk for them, so that they are now receiving only breast milk (after having supplemented diet at hospital), and I have some in the freezer that will last the both of them a couple more weeks.
I'm at my wit's end, though. I am exhausted from the schedule of taking care of the twins plus pumping. If I could get the boys to breastfeed, my problems would be solved. They'll only take the bottle, though. When I try to get them to take milk from me, one of them fusses and pulls his head away, and the other sometimes does a weak latch for a few equally weak pulls, and he either sleeps (despite my touching his face, adjusting the breast, playing with his feet, trying to tickle him) or pulls the move his brother does.
Consultants say it's just that the boys are used to the ease of a bottle, but when I pump until my milk is coming in streams, they still don't take from the breast. It also doesn't help when I manually squeeze the milk into their mouths.
I'm about to give up. This is exhausting. At work, I can only pump for about 25 minutes at a time, twice a day (on my breaks, to take any more time would be to not get paid, and that I can't really afford). This had an impact on the amount I express, and now I struggle to get out 9 ounces a session. But even that is not enough for these guys, they're going through the milk faster than I can make it with the way my work schedule is.
My husband and everyone around me is encouraging me to switch to formula, and so I haven't expressed in 24 hours, but I feel overwhelming guilt, and break down in tears as I feel I am not doing my best for the boys. I could probably get my supply back up if I tried to jump start it, but I don't know if my husband and I can deal with my emotional state when I'm so exhausted.
Ugh, I thought this might be a good place to get some guidance, if this is the wrong way to go about it, I apologize. I'm just at a loss here.