Re: can't get her to nap to sleep
hi mama, sounds frustrating and tired!
i have commented on here that my family does "baby led sleeping" which basically means we follow DS's cues about when he wants to sleep, how he wants to fall asleep, how long, etc. which definitely has tradeoffs, but on balance it works for us still.
anyway, i'm saying this because maybe it would help you to think out of the box a little bit. how DOES your DD like to fall asleep? if you ONLY followed her cues for naps, what would they look like? does she prefer to nap in a sling or swing? etc. a little brainstorming about what she would do on her own might help you figure out a pattern that is less stressful.
for example, i totally get wanting/needing 2 hours to yourself at night ... but maybe those 2 hours don't have to be exactly 8-10 pm, or at night. a friend of mine swore by her schedule, while she was essentially single-parenting: nurse baby down and sleep for 4 hours, when baby stirs get up and do dishes etc for an hour or so, nurse back down and both sleep another 4 hours. sounds crazy to most of us but it was best for them. and also there's some anthropological evidence that people all used to sleep like that! our modern obsession with 8 straight hours isn't necessarily the historical norm.
Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.