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Thread: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanity?

  1. #1
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    Question Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanity?

    My DD is just over 8 months and at 6.5 months she was just 13 lbs 15 oz, which was 8% on the WHO charts. She started at 8 lbs 1 oz, but dropped to 7 lbs 1/2 oz after 3 days. Neither I or my DH are petite people, so it's a constant worry. DD eats every 1.5 to 2.5 hours during the day for maybe 5-10 mins both sides, gets snacks and a couple solid food meals and wake to eat 3-4 times every night to eat. It's impossible to go anywhere or do anything for more than an hour or 90 minutes - I am so exhausted.

    I posted 2 months ago and everyone seemed to think that this was all normal and that since she is meeting or exceeding milestones, I should just not worry. But it's next to impossible to not worry all-the-time. I really wanted to go to 1 year bfing because I hate the thought giving her formula, but I don't think I can take much more of this horrible anxiety about her not growing enough or getting enough to eat. She is a happy baby, but I wonder if I would be a happier mama if I didn't have this horrible weight on my shoulders. I really thought once we started solids that she would be able to go a little longer between her feedings, maybe 2.5-3 hrs, just to get us a little more wiggle room to go out and do things, but it seems like she needs to eat sooner. Am I losing my supply? I know I'm losing my sanity, and that can't be good for her or me. Help!
    Last edited by @llli*blueberrysmom; October 22nd, 2012 at 12:50 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    My dd nursed very frequnently until about 1...When she started moving around and getting disracted by the world it got lrss frequent.
    Why cant you go out? Are you uncomfortable nip?
    Does she get distracted when you are out?
    What is msking yuthink shes not getting enough?
    Proud mom of 2:
    DD 5/2008 nursed for 3 years and 3 months.
    DS born 8/2011 nursing like a champ

    Sorry for the short responses...always, always, always NAK or holding a baby

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    Thanks for the response ) DD has been crawling for about 6-7 weeks, but that hasn't really deterred her at all. We have a small house, so she'll play for a while and then get cranky and no matter what I do to distract her onto something else, she'll just open wide and try to latch onto my tshirt until she gets milk LOL. As for NIP... its not so much that I can't do it, usually I just park somewhere remote and feed in the car, but she is SOOO wiggly and does't stay on for more than a couple minutes before twisting and exposing me to everyone and everything. Like you said, she gets distracted by the trees, other cars, birds, anything! So she doesnt eat well and then she gets upset because she's not full and I have to put her back in the car seat. It's usually easier to just stay home because I can feed her on demand without having to make a big to do of it.

    Even though she hasn't had a weigh-in in about 2 months, I can just tell she hasn't really put on much weight. She just looks so small, very skinny arms and I can see all her ribs. This is my first baby, and when I see pictures of basically every other child, they are nice and plump and happily in their 50%. I've asked this question before - if she's eating so often, why is she still so small and weigh so little? She looks like a 6 month old, and I'm tired of hearing everyone saying that "wow, she's so little", as if I don't know that already. As I mentioned before, no one in my family is little like this. My mother tells me that I must make skim milk, because she certainly had enough for all 3 of her children and none of them had weigh problems. I don't even know if that's possible. Either way, I'm just so tired of worrying. I spend more time thinking about this than anything else in my life, and it's ruining what's supposed to be the best part of her babyhood.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    Why is nursing preventing you from getting out? It may be that being home more is causing the frequent nursing; babies often nurse more when slightly bored, and less when out and about in the interesting world outside the house.

    I know having a smaller baby can cause a lot of anxiety, but as long as she is healthy and developing normally, being small is not a problem. Think about it this way- in our society there's a lot of praise heaped on chubby babies. Chubby baby = healthy baby, as far as a lot of people are concerned. But that all turns around once your baby turns from a toddler into a child. Parents of chubby children get disapproving looks and unsubtle suggestions about more exercise and more vegetables and fewer cookies. It's not bad to be skinny. And there's nothing wrong with being in the 8th percentile. Statistically speaking, there are just as many healthy babies in the 8th percentile as there are in the 92nd percentile- and just as no one worries about the latter being abnormal, no one needs to worry about the former, either.

    What can we say to absolve you of this fear and anxiety you're carrying around? Can you put a finger on the source of your worry?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    I agree with pp that nothing here sounds particularly alarming. But I also think generally mommy knows best and mothers should respect their own instincts. you think your baby is an unhealthy weight or malnourished, that concerns me.

    But i fail to see how removing from your child’s diet the most nutritious food they possibly can have is going to help. Science has proven again and again that formula is inferior in every way to breastmilk, and certainly solid foods are not going to be able to replace breastmilk nutritionally this early. these are just facts.

    But it certainly is possible that (speaking generally) a baby might not be getting enough breastmilk. it seems your baby nurses frequently so that would not be the problem. The sessions are a little short, but not unusually so for this age. Did you ever have breastfeeding assessed by an IBCLC, before and after nursing weight checks done, etc?

    Do you typically encourage baby to take both sides per feeding? Or is that baby’s choice?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    Being thin or petite isn't a "Weight Problem". And neither is being somewhere lower on the chart than 50th percentile. Remember, that someone has to be in the 1stpercetile and someone has to be in the 100th for the charts to exist.
    My sisters 7month old weighs 13lbs. She is still in 0-3month clothes. My cousins 4months old on the other hand weight 24lbs. Both babies were at my house yesterday and both babies are exclusively breast fed. There is nothing wrong with either baby!
    It's also totally normal for breastfed babies no matter how they are trending to slide dramatically on the charts after they hit the 6month point because they get moving. So your child learning to crawl when she is already petite would mean it's quite NORMAL for her weight gain to slow. My son gained 14oz a week consistently from birth to 4.5 months. Landing him at 17.5lbs at that time. Then he discovered the Johnny Jumper. And between 4.5 months and 9months he only put on 2lbs total. He slide 25% on the charts.
    I see nothing about your scenario that would cause me to encourage you start giving your 9month old substandard nutrition. You make milk. And she knows how to nurse. And WANTS to. Stop expecting you baby to be or become something she is not. Relax and feed her. And if you need to count something count diapers. If she makes enough of them in a 24hour period she is getting enough to eat.

    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    ok, does she have a weight problem or is it a problem only to you and the comments of family? 8th percentile is a healthy baby I will add. IME a child will follow their own growth curve and unless she is dropping huge amounts of weight, no urine/poop, dehydrated, lethargic, I wouldn't be concerned. My DS1 was a chunk, 99th percentile when he was younger and 85th now at 5 years old. My Ds2 (same parents) is in the 2nd percentile (was smaller than your kid), but he's just as healthy. My pedi points out that we all want chunky kids as infants and then lean kids as toddlers

    Also just as a mother, you can formula feed, but please don't think that that will absolve you of worry. All it will do is provide inferior nutrition and focus worry on formula, crap in it, proper preparation, feeling bad about not nursing etc. I will also say that motherhood sometimes seems like an endless chain of worry...it will ALWAYS be something (last week I worried about earthquakes and what my kids would do )

    Keep nursing mama and trust yourself.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*blueberrysmom View Post
    I've asked this question before - if she's eating so often, why is she still so small and weigh so little?
    Because she has a fast metabolism. My daughter is the same way. She's been below 5%ile since she was about 2 months old. Used to nurse all the time, frequent quick sessions. Now that she's six she's still small and still prefers to eat small frequent meals throughout the day. It's just how her body works. I'm not small. Neither is my husband (though he does have a fast metabolism and can eat a ton and not gain weight). But she is and that's okay.

    My son on the other hand was born at 80%ile and when I was nursing him he would eat for a really long time and then go hours between, even as a newborn. He is less active and has been from the beginning.

    Don't compare your baby to others, she is her own person with her own characteristics. If she's healthy, there's no reason to be concerned. If you are concerned about malnutrition they can do a metabolic blood panel on her, but really I don't think that's necessary. My son was malnourished and diagnosed with failure to thrive at nine months. He wasn't just small- he was losing weight, he was lethargic, he never smiled or laughed, he had dark circles under his eyes...point being you could just look at him and tell something wasn't right.

    Honestly it sounds to me like the problem isn't a medical one, it's a social one. The people around you are making you feel anxious, not your baby. Tell them that.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    I'm really sorry if my question seems to frustrate some of you. I understand that babies are different and that my DD being a happy, active little girl should be enough to deter me from my worrying. I am actually crying while I am typing this because it's so upsetting... because all I really needed was a little encouragement from another mom or two who has been in my shoes, but I can actually hear the same bored "Why can't you just get over this thing, formula isn't going to fix anything" in some of your responses that I hear in my husbands voice every time I try and talk about it. Sometimes it is really lonely being the one responsible for the growth of your baby. I come here because I can only hope that there has to be at least one other mother out there who knows what I'm going through so I don't have to feel like I'm failing my daughter as she fails farther and farther down the growth charts. My husband, my family, everyone seems to think I'm crazy for being so worried, but no one else is responsible for how she grows. Thank you, @llli*still.here, I'm glad to hear that you had a similar situation with your daughter, even as she got older. I'm sure that as she gets older and my body isn't what is giving her nutrition, I will feel better about her growth.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Should I stop BFing at 9 months to be able to gain sanit

    Hey mama - do you think you might have a touch of postpartum depression? Lilah was in the 5th %ile until she turned 3. I have a friend whose four year old daughter was never on the growth chart - born at 5ish pounds and is still not on the weight chart - but is happy, healthy and thriving. I don't think the moms here are trying to sound bored.

    Also, you don't know if she's falling father and farther down the growth charts. You said you haven't had her weighed in two months. Maybe you could go in to the doctor for a weight check, just to ease your mind?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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