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Thread: How do I respond?

  1. #11

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    My baby is 6 weeks old and I have co-slept with my baby every night. I have stopped telling people I do this because I get a lot of critism. Likewise my baby feeds a lot and frequently, but then likes to sleep for 4-5hr stretches.

    I recently sought assistance for feeding problems and talked to the midwife/lactation consultant about co-sleeping, settling the baby (until 4 days ago she wouldnt go down in the bassinet for longer than 15 minutes. Even when dead asleep she woke up) and always holding the baby. The LC told me not to worry. She said that studies have shown that being responsive to the baby and not letting her cry gives the baby the confidence to try new things. Babies left to cry themselves to sleep at too young an age give up that anyone will respond to their needs. She said the studies indicate these children are more likely to develop anxiety issues. likewise, nature intended that babies sleep with their mothers.

    I saw a really interesting video with Dr John McKenna about co-sleeping that has put my mind at ease about this issue. (I realise you were not asking about co-sleeping, but it has been my bugbear) Its no one elses business so long as I safe sleep with my baby and DH is happy to continue with the current arrangement for a few more weeks.

    I tell my family now that she is so young she is not 'learning crying gets a response' - she is far too young for that. She crys because she needs something. I have made it clear I will always respond to my baby. They are backing off now.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    255

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    When my in-laws came to visit DD when she was 11 weeks old, my MIL saw the crib was sidecarred to the bed and looked at me with this knowing look and said, "you know, three's a crowd!" If she hadn't been standing beside me I think she would have shaken a finger at me.

    So, OK waitaminute, what just happened here? Did my mother-in-law just give me advice on my sex life? I couldn't imagine her saying something about our sleeping arrangements pre-baby. It would have been totally uncalled for. It's funny what people say to you once there's a baby involved.
    Lisa

    Mom to Aimee, born 8/22/11
    for 20 months!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    My biggest lesson learned as a Mom was to "know my audience". If I'm speaking to people who won't be supportive of the topic (breast feeding, cosleeping, attachment parenting, rear facing car seats, limiting sugar, no commercial items, etc.) I don't bring it up. I also don't bring up being tired, because that can lead to it being blamed on breast feeding/cosleeping/attachment parenting, etc. No complaints around unsupportive people either.

    Wait until you're with another Mom who parents like you do. Or post here! Where you'll get support and helpful advice.

    Once you've tried to talk to them, convince them, educate them, etc. and they're still nagging you about how your parent? Stop entertaining the topic. "We're fine thanks." and leave the room. Or a simple "No thank you" or even more simply, "No." You're not going to change their mind and they obviously have no intentions of changing theirs. So best to leave the topic behind "I've made my parenting decisions and I'm not changing them. This is now a banned topic. I won't discuss it any further." is also very to the point. However you want or need to do it, take the topic off the table for discussion.

    There will always be parenting issues that people for some reason feel are up for debate. So best to put your foot down now, and take on your Momma-Bear status.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    1,056

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*pizanite
    It's funny what people say to you once there's a baby involved.
    Right?!? This never ceases to amaze me. I wonder what people would say if when I came over to their house I wa like, hey, your toilet was really dirty, let me tell you The Only Way to clean a toilet?
    Little SW, Aug '09
    Miss MW, Jan '11
    Sir RW, Oct '12
    3 kids in 38 mos

  5. #15
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,831

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jeno View Post
    Right?!? This never ceases to amaze me. I wonder what people would say if when I came over to their house I wa like, hey, your toilet was really dirty, let me tell you The Only Way to clean a toilet?
    Or even "Your dog is so poorly trained! Let me show you how to train him!"
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    806

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    i completely agree with pp's in that responsive parenting is the best parenting. letting a baby that age cry is pretty terrible imo, and in the opinion of many other respected doctors and childcare experts. i also agree that having you dh on board with your parenting style is important, but the rest of the family can kick rocks! it's nobody's business but yours and dh's.

    also, i live in brandon, so hello, neighbor!
    the best food blog you aren't reading

    i'm beth, mama to:

    lila, 11/6/08, nursed until 2yrs 10 mos, weaned during pregnancy

    -and-

    max, 2/16/12, my huge new little nursling

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    rockford,il
    Posts
    583

    Default Re: How do I respond?

    Nope, not crazy. You're doing great. A long talk seems to be in order with dh though. What exactly does he see happening by creating a strong, loving attachment in the early years? I think my family believed I was going to let ds walk all over me as a toddler but unless he's tired or hungry, he's really well behaved. He knows I means it when I say no. In our case the criticism has dwindled with time. Ds's personality is too happy to let people dwell on negative things. Or they realized they were talking to a brick wahl

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