Re: 3yo asking for food to fall asleep, not weaned yet
My son often wants a snack right before bed. Part of it is that he often has dinner around 5, and then needs another snack before bed at 8 in order to be full enough. It also was a delaying tactic for not going to sleep, but that doesn't sound like what's going on. If he's hungry before bed and you are uncomfortable with feeding him immediately before sleep can you offer him a snack 30 minutes before bed?
Also, not to dismiss your concerns, but kids go through weird little phases. My son was creating more and more elaborate rituals for when DH or I left in the morning and when our nanny left in the evening. It was sort of getting pathologic. And now it's gone. It's like it never happened. So maybe that's a piece of it? I personally wouldn't worry about an eating disorder at this point.
DS Ethan 12/16/2008
Breast fed/pumped 11 months as a surgical resident, 80 hours a week at work
DS Abram Daniel 12/20/2012
Feel like we've gotten a strong start