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Thread: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

  1. #1
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    Jun 2012
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    Default No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    I took my little man to the pedi for his 4 month checkup last week and she was a little shocked that we have zero schedule at all (as far as scheduled naps and feedings). We do have a bedtime routine, but we co-sleep and I really don't want to stop, and I nurse on demand still. So I have a couple questions:

    Will LO ever sleep through the night if we continue to co-sleep, or are we better off moving him to his crib?

    Is it wrong that I still nurse on demand, even in the middle of the night? Since we co-sleep, should I stop giving him the boob when he wakes so that he will start to sleep better at night?

    Should I stop nursing on demand during the day? He is teething right now (cut his first two already and others are close behind) so I can't stand the thought of not comforting him by nursing.

    Any advice is appreciated!! He is 4 months and just about 3 weeks old.

  2. #2
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    4 months is WAY to young for a schedule or for you to expect him to STTN. No he is never going to sleep thru the night. I mean eventually. But not this year. Not before he is done learning to walk and crawl and teething. So moving him to his crib will just mean you won't be able to immediately respond to his cues. So he will have to wake to the point of crying to get you to respond and then you will have to GET UP mulitple times to comfort him. Which will be exhausting. Some babies get to a point where they actually sleep better on their own. But you should not expect your 4 month old to sleep thru the night.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
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    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    Oh Lordy lord. Your pediatrician owes you a refund for giving such dumb advice. She got you to worry so much about things that might happen in the future that she has you contemplating plunging yourself into a world of misery NOW. Let's say you move your baby to the crib, stop nursing at night, and stop feeding on demand. What's that going to get you? A miserable, hungry baby who still wakes in the night, and still needs your help to get back to sleep, and who cannot understand why you won't just give him the simplest, most natural form of comfort in the world. Maybe someday in the future this misery will buy you a baby who sleeps through the night in the crib, because he has given up on wasting his calories crying for you. And maybe it won't: as Djs.mom correctly points out, you have a lot of milestones and a lot of teething to get through before you baby can be expected to sleep through on a routine basis. Even heavily scheduled babies who have cried-it-out from an early age will resume night-waking when they are learning to crawl or stand or popping new teeth.

    Whether or not you move your baby to the crib is much less important than continuing to feed on demand. Schedules are the enemy of successful breastfeeding, because milk supply is created by demand. If you limit demand by scheduling feedings, or stretching the intervals between feedings, you're very likely to end up with reduced supply and a miserable baby who does not gain enough weight to thrive and grow.

    Your doc should have said "You're doing great! Keep on doing what you're doing and everything will be fine."
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4

    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    There is a big difference between a schedule and a routine. Routines are good and babies thrive on them. Schedules not so much.

    As far as sleeping through the night, every baby is different, and there are other factors that may affect this as well. For example, my DS was sleeping for decently long stretches at night (in our bed) but starting eating every hour or two at night once I went back to work. Part of it was him making up for not eating as much while I was gone, but I know it was just as much about making sure I was still there all night! After a while, it got better.

    Also, teething can really keep them from sleeping well.

    Are you working? SAHM? Still on maternity leave?

    IMO, nursing on demand is never wrong at that age, no matter the time of day. Especially while teething, because it is comforting to them when not many things can help! In the big picture, the time they spend as babies and infants is so short.

    Now may be a good time to try and get into a nap routine. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a book I found invaluable. The author discusses the best sleep situation is the one that works the best for everyone in the family. Sometimes that is cosleeping, sometimes that may mean the crib. I have found that it changes--sometimes my DS sleeps better in our bed if he is teething or sick, and sometimes he sleeps better in his crib. You have to find out what works for you. If cosleeping is working well for you, though, don't feel that you have to stop. It is definitely easier with nursing! I find that now that I am working, I cherish the cuddle time I get with my DS at night since I miss him all day.

    Trust your motherly instincts. You can't spoil a LO that young!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    I wouldn't read that sleep book unless you want to start doubting yourself EVEN more. Been there, done that! My guess is that you already have a routine.

    Mommal. It would be funny to ask for a refund.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
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    Jul 2011
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    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    If you co-sleep then you have set sleep time in your house. That is as much of a "schedule" as your LO needs right now.
    My little man was born 12/17/2010.

    Baby girl was born 4/30/2014.

  7. #7
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    Thank you all...I would hate to stop co-sleeping right now- it sounds funny but I take comfort having his little fingers holding mine at night. Plus he is so cuddly after "tubby time"...hard to resist him. He does nap pretty regularly (3 short naps- around 10 am, 1 pm and sometimes 5 pm). That much I'm grateful for.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    Sounds like my kids at 4 months! Perfect, that is. Why fix what isn't broken?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    Victoria, BC, Canada
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    940

    Default Re: No schedule...setting us up for misery??

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*thefoleyfive View Post
    I took my little man to the pedi for his 4 month checkup last week and she was a little shocked that we have zero schedule at all (as far as scheduled naps and feedings). We do have a bedtime routine, but we co-sleep and I really don't want to stop, and I nurse on demand still. So I have a couple questions:

    Will LO ever sleep through the night if we continue to co-sleep, or are we better off moving him to his crib?

    Is it wrong that I still nurse on demand, even in the middle of the night? Since we co-sleep, should I stop giving him the boob when he wakes so that he will start to sleep better at night?

    Should I stop nursing on demand during the day? He is teething right now (cut his first two already and others are close behind) so I can't stand the thought of not comforting him by nursing.

    Any advice is appreciated!! He is 4 months and just about 3 weeks old.
    Your doctor is silly. And behind on her knowledge. Scheduled feedings are not recommended anymore. I don't know why doctors even ask about these things. All they should be concerned about is whether your baby is growing well.

    As long as you're happy doing what you're doing, just keep on doing it.

    To answer your questions: Yes, your baby will eventually sleep through the night...even if you do nothing at all. They simply do not wake up to nurse every 3 hours when they're 18 year old!

    I remember when my doctor gave me dire warnings about nursing at night. She also couldn't understand why I was still nursing at 10 months! Well I just ignored her and kept nursing as I wished and DS has perfect teeth. He's also so healthy we never have to go to the doctor.

    It is perfectly normal for a 4 month old to be nursing at night. If your LO is nursing every hour at night and you're exhausted, then you can do something about it. But if you're happy with the night nursing, then I would just leave it the way it is.

    You definately should continue nursing on cue during the day. This is what is recommended. Scheduled feedings are no longer recommended as they quite often lead to milk supply decrease and early weaning.

    Sounds like you're doing great.
    Canadian mom and breastmilk fan.
    We have 2 beautiful children: Luana who's 9 y/o, had breastmilk for 2 years and is smart as a whip. Lucas who came out kickin', is 4 y/o and continues to enjoy his milkies.

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