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Thread: When to stop cosleeping

  1. #1

    Default When to stop cosleeping

    My daughter is 15 months old and i have been bf since she was born. After i went back to work we started cosleeping during nighttime. İt is more convenient for both of us. Now i concern about the right time that we seperate our beds. Should i wait until she weans? Does it make harder to let her sleep in our bed when she gets older? İ am waiting to hear your experiences.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,005

    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    Do you want your baby in her own bed, or are you comfortable continuing to co-sleep? A lot of people maintain a "family bed" until their kids are much older. A lot of people who don't co-sleep ask things like "But... How do you have... you know... marital intimacy?" Co-sleepers just smile and say "If the only place you can have sex is in your own bed, then you have bigger problems than where your kids sleep".

    I don't think continued co-sleeping is going to make it harder to get your LO into her own room. When she gets older, she will eventually want her own space and you'll be able to reason with her- and those things together will likely make it easier to transition out of co-sleeping than if you try now, while she's a mostly nonverbal, non-rational toddler!

    If you're ready to have your bed back, I suggest taking the following steps:
    - Set up your kid's room and sleep space. Make it inviting and fun. You want your LO to want to be in it!
    - Make sure there's an option for you to sleep in that room with your child. When transitioning from co-sleeping, you may have to do things like sleep with your LO in her bed, or sleep next to her on a mattress on the floor.
    - Be patient. Moving your LO to her own room is a process which may take weeks or months. She might, for example, start out in her bed and then come back to yours when she wakes. But eventually she will make it through the whole night in her won bed.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
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    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    i cosleep with my 16 month old and since it's on balance easier than anything else, plus i enjoy the snuggles and nursing after being away at work, i don't see any reason for us to stop. i can tell that DS is getting more sleep-independent, and i thnk there will be a natural point at which it seems like he's ready to move.
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    358

    Exclamation Re: When to stop cosleeping

    Agreed. If you like your current arrangement, you can maintain it while still fostering sleep independence gently.

    My son is just coming up on 12 months. Where at 9 months he would either stay latched on all night or be lying partially on me, now he unlatches and rolls away for his own space about half the time. His sleep has visibly matured, too, with less wakings during transition periods. Heck, sometimes he unlatches, snuggles with me awake for a few minutes, and drifts off to sleep on his own.

    Your child has probably done these sorts of things, too. My guess is that babies who feel secure will find independence non-threatening because their base case assumption is "mom/dad will snuggle me whenever I want". In that way, independence is novel and sought-after, an exciting reward!

    So there you go. Regardless of your decision, which only you are qualified to make, you've already created a great foundation for your LO.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    Whenever it becomes a problem for everyone. Lots of cultures have family beds for a long time. My nephew was still sleeping with my brother and SIL at like 11. But where he's from, each person doesnt have a room and a bed like they do here.

    I have my 4 year old and my 14mo in bed with us. Sometimes the 4 y/o gets on my nerves, but I was really thankful that we were all together the other day when I woke up to our burglar alarm going off!!! It was just the cats that had knocked something over, but the 10 minutes waiting for the police to arrive were really scary, I didn't know if it was a false alarm, or if someone was in my house.
    Proud mom of 2:
    DD 5/2008 nursed for 3 years and 3 months.
    DS born 8/2011 nursing like a champ

    Sorry for the short responses...always, always, always NAK or holding a baby

  6. #6
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    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    I stopped co-sleeping with my child specifically to night wean him and as part our our total weaning process. I was out of the bed with him for about a year and a half. He slept with my DH during that time period. And after he was fully weaned he asked me to come back in and sleep with him/them again. And I did. And now there is a bit of musical beds going on. Sometime he start in his own bed and goes in with my DH. Sometime he comes straight into my room or my DH's. And some nights like last night we all sleep in my DH's. Musical Beds. It works for us. For now.

    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    You got some good answers. Bottom line I think is that if you want to do it and like it, go ahead. Its not going to cause issues unless its an issue for you. We had lots of people tell us "we'd never get her out of our bed" with our first and she sleeps well and independently. She's 6 now. I don't remember when she started sleeping on her own without us helping her...sometime around 2 to 2 1/2, same with my second daughter.

    I found it more convenient to cosleep until around 18 months or so depending on the child and then I found that they got too wiggly and it wasn't working for me anymore. Some families at this point use a mattress on the floor of their room for the child. We just started out having someone sleep/lay down with the child in their own room and then snuck out when they were sleeping and then back in if there was a nigthtime need.

    Its whatever works for you really. WAY more people cosleep and WAY more people do it with older kids than people let on.
    Mommy to 3 beautiful girls!

  8. #8
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    Sep 2012
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    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    If you want it, go for it. Watch for behavioral changes like becoming super clingy or very distant during the day. If that happens try again in a little while. Personally I'm waiting for all of ds's teeth to come in. At that point I'll think about nightweaning and independant sleeping. Dh is adamant that he's going in his own bed at 2. I just nod and say sure honey.

  9. #9

    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    Thanks for the answers. İ was just concerned because i heard she wont sleep on her own even she gets older. İ wanted to make sure that i am not doing something wrong. Actually deep inside i knew that there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping at this age. Our instints tell us what is wrong and what is right and we should definetely listen to it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: When to stop cosleeping

    Meh. When does it become wrong? My son is 6. I'd like him to sleep on his own. Sort of. But he isn't afraid of the dark and there is enough room so I am not feeling like a failure yet. I think that is for every family to decide on their own. And in my family even in 1st grade it still feels fine.

    Way too lazy for formula

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