Wedding & Nursing Baby (part 2)

[@llli*zaynethepain]

Even if kids are allowed, take into account your babies acceptance of events like this. Maybe your lo doesn't mind loud our crowded gatherings but mine is on the spirited side. So the wedding I went to when ds was 5 mo was a nightmare. He was awesome and slept through the wedding itself but was totally freaked out by the music at the reception. I was stressing about constantly fending off relatives wanting to hold him. He's a total mama's boy and being passed around just doesn't work. To top it off I was on a dairy free diet bc of ds's allergy and there wasn't a single food without cheese. Next time I'll just say no.

[@llli*tallmadre]

The thing is someone else's weddding is not about YOU and your choices. It's about the Bride pretty much and the way she wants her day to go. And A LOT of brides don't want kids at their wedding and we ALL deserve to have our wedding day go the way we want. If they have a one year old together they totally get to say My kid who is in the wedding get's to be here and no one elses kids. You either respect the brides spelled out wishes or you don't go. It not that hard. Just remember it's not about you. I never went ANYWHERE without out my kid like that. Like I never spent the night away from him until he was 6. And passed on my Husbands Christmas party for 3 years rather than leave my kid with someone. It's just a choice that YOU MAKE as a breastfeeding mother. No one else has to understand it. But making that choice for your family doesn't make it OK to impose that choice on anyone else. If on someone's wedding day they choose to have a child free party, they get to make that choice. You, if you are invited have a choice. To participate without your child or not. But choosing NOT to participate doesn't make you a victim. It just makes you a mother who prioritizes being with your baby over social events at the moment. And that's fine. But don't try to put your reasons for wanting your son with you on the people getting married. That isn't fair. Just respect their decision and send your DH and stay with your kid if the idea of leaving you is torturing you.

This was basically what I was trying to say, but you stated it much more eloquently.

I just remembered that, some time prior to our wedding, another of my husband's many sisters was married in a huge church wedding. A loud toddler who was the brides (and my future husbands) niece made me so crazy i offered to take her outside and did (this probably colored my decision to say no kids for our wedding) but later at the reception the bride was surprised when i mentioned the tantrum and told me she did not even notice the child's cries. deafened by love, perhaps?

I experienced this phenomenon. I had a friend whose baby screamed through my wedding ceremony and I was so wrapped up in our vows that I barely noticed. I basically forgot that anyone else was there. When people started to clap at the end, I was like "Have you all been here this whole time?" Still, when I talked about it with the friend after she said "Oh, then it was ok then." No, it was not ok. Even though I didn't find it disruptive, there were 100 other people at my wedding, some of whom had traveled from overseas, and presumably they would have liked to have heard what we were saying. Obviously, I'm not bashing the presence of kids at weddings, just pointing out that I did experience this, too. I don't regret having kids at my wedding, but I do wish this friend had the common sense to pass the baby to her husband and have him take her out into the lobby or something.

[@llli*mommal]

When my husband and I got married, we were underneath a chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) supported by my 2 siblings and my DH's 2 siblings. About halfway through the ceremony, my 3 year old nephew decided to come over and stand with his dad, my husband's brother. We have this hilarious series of photos where my BIL is giving his son the stink-eye, trying to convey- in non-verbal fashion- "Don't you dare come over here and insert yourself, don't take one more step, don't do it- well now you've done it, and here you are, so stand quietly". Neither my husband nor I noticed. I guess we were blinded by love!

[@llli*mommy2lilah]

Mommal, that's cute.

And wow, I am once again happy that DH and I skipped all the drama, expense and hoopla of a wedding and eloped! We had family friendly receptions with our families later that were low key and outdoors so squirmy toddlers could roam about at will.

I wouldn't - and didn't - attend weddings that are not child friendly because I want to be with my children more than I want to see most people get married. My friends have understood.

[@llli*lllkaren]

I just split this off into its own thread to make sure the responses are directed to the right person.

[@llli*alphawoman]

I had a very intimate, adult guest list at my wedding and am glad that I turned down a few guests' requests to bring children.

As a nursing mother, I wouldn't bring my son to a wedding. I'm in the same boat as you, OP, with the random schedules and would personally just not go. But I think you should make it up to the bride and groom, regardless of the legitimacy of your decision, as the last-minute change of heart will be a hassle for them.

[@llli*nola]

Me personally I would just not go. I wouldn't want to leave my nursing baby just as you don't want to. It sounds like the bride is pretty clear on "no kids".

I went to two weddings this summer with my baby 4/5 months old at the time. Both were family, one was my SIL. One was not specific about babies/no kids on the invite so I politely asked and explained that due to nursing I would like to bring my baby and they said no problem. But I did find it stressful to have her there. The other was my SIL who really wanted us all there and I was SO thankful my baby slept the whole thing (I did try to time it all well that way to keep her up until just before and then used my ergo) but it was also stressful. I would have left had I needed to but I wanted to be there and it was really stressful wondering if she would stay asleep/quiet etc. If it wasn't family I would have rather said no because of the stress. I wasn't really worried what the bride would think- since she loves her niece and I know how she would feel but I was stressed at what others would think and feel if they couldn't hear well for a second before I got out of there.

Anyways thats just my experience. Perhaps as others said your husband can go and you could stay home?

If it really affects the relationship that much by you staying with your child then perhaps they are not as good of friends as you'd like and not worth the effort.