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Thread: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

  1. #1

    Default Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    Hello everyone, I am Exclusively Breastfeeding my daughter who will be 4 months on the 11th of this month. I have had issues with her pulling off the breast off and on for the past 2 months or so but they have gotten progressively worse. She feeds perfectly during her early morning feed and early afternoon feeding. It gets worse from then on and it is the worst at night. I thought it might be a supply issue so I have been taking fenugreek, pumping as much as possible after feeds and in between feeds and I have even tried eating oatmeal. I don't think its a supply issue because when she pulls off, and I pump, I do have milk. It is at the point where I have used all of my stash milk at night just to get her to eat something. She will start off fine but then gets noticeably irratated and pulls off..I put her back on she stays on a minute or so and pulls off..I am so frustrated I don't want to give her formula but I am scared it is going to get to that point..

  2. #2

    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    I forgot to add that my son was tongue tied and he had to have surgery at 4 months old to correct it. After going through what I did with him, one of the first things I did was take her to a pediatric ENT to have her checked and she is not tongue tied

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    Welcome to the forum! I have some questions for you, which may help us understand how to help you better.

    How many times a day does your baby nurse? (Approximately).
    Is she fed on demand, or on a schedule?
    Is she getting a lot of bottles? How many per day does she get, and how much milk is in them?
    How would you rate your milk supply- normal, or overabundant? Do you ever see milk spray from the breast when baby pulls off, do you have strong letdowns, does baby ever choke, cough, splutter, gag, click, or cluck when nursing? Do you often feel engorged or full?

    Pulling off the breast is a very common behavior. In general, the best way to deal with it is to shelve the pump and bottles and just nurse, teaching baby that she MUST find a way to deal with whatever is frustrating her. In cases of oversupply, changing your nursing position to something more reclined may help. And trying some different positioning may be warranted regardless of your supply level, just to see if there's one that baby likes better.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    IS she gaining weight? How many wet diapers a day is she having? A child being fussy after feeding well all day is not cause for alarm or supplementation! In fact if she doesn't want to nurse, don't feed her and DON'T go get any stash milk! It's not an emergency! You have perfectly good milk right there in your boobs! If she doesn't take before she goes to sleep she more than probably will right after she goes to sleep and through the night. Sleepy and sleeping babies almost always nurse with no issues.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5

    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    Thank you for responding ladies..She was born 3 and a half weeks premature and she only weighted 4lbs 11 ounces when we left the hospital and I was told at that point to feed her on demand which worked out to be every 2 to 3 hours and I have continued that schedule. I never let her go more than 3 hours. Honestly, I don't really look for hunger cues, I just feed her if it has been that long because I am still in the mindset of her needing to gain weight and catch up. I would say she has approximately 5-6 wet diapers a day..I am going to count them today for an exact number. At her last appointment at 2 months, her ped was happy with her weight gain. She was having pulling off issues after about a month and we thought maybe it was acid reflux related so she was put on baby zantac which really did not help at all. I am fairly certain that I have a some what quick let down because she would often choke and gag while feeding the first 2 months although she doesn't do it nearly as much now. When I pump in the mornings after her morning feeding and afternoon feedings I usually get an ounce or so. Like I said previously, she never pulls off if she wakes up during the night (although she has been mostly sleeping through the night since approximately 2months except this past week which I'm wondering is 4 month growth spurt related?) or in the morning..Its mainly in the afternoon and the evening. It is really bad in the evening. She will feed as if she if is hungry and almost immediately pull off..I put her back on and she starts sucking and pulls off. My nipples are starting to get extremely sore. In the past couple weeks my husband has started giving her a bottle at night of milk (3-5 ounces) so that him and her could have some bonding time. It has gotten to the point where it is now a necessity at night to give her a bottle to get a solid feeding in her. I started the fenugreek and extra pumping because once I realized that she was struggling so much at the breast but finished the whole bottle with ease, I thought maybe my supply in the evening just could not keep up with her. When she pulls off and I express with my hand, milk does come on and sometimes squirts a couple feet. I am really looking forward to her 4 month check up to see if she has gained sufficiently, although, she does seem chubby to me We did not give her a bottle last night because I am starting to think it could be that she prefers the bottle. But that still doesn't explain why she has such an easy time during the overnight feeding and in the morning..Could she be remembering that she has a bottle at night???! Honestly, it was such a nightmare with my son discovering at 4 months that he was underweight that I'm so scared it is going to happen again even though I tell myself that was related to his tongue tie and they are completely different babies..It's just so frustrating to feel like you are trying to do the very best thing for your baby and its so problematic. I just want this to be an enjoyable experience for her (and myself) and it doesn't feel that way

  6. #6

    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    **I forgot to add that I have not felt the let down feeling since the first month maybe although I think that is normal correct? Also, the only times my breasts feel overly heavy or engorged is if she goes extended periods at night..

  7. #7

    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    *only weighed not weighted lol

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    Breastfeeding is work. Mothering is NOT always a wonderful enjoyable experience. But it's always worth the work. Breastfeeding is the same way. It sounds to me like you have OALD. And your baby is reacting to that. She is pulling off specifically so that she doesn't get overwhelmed with the milk so that she doesn't cough, sputter or choke. When she pulls off like that trying squeezing through your letdown into a towel or bottle and THEN putting her to the breast. And the thing about sleep/dream feeding is it's done instinctually. So none of their preferences are an issue in their sleep. That is why a mother of a completely striking baby can still exclusively breastfeed. Because there are enough sleep cycles in a baby this age to get ALL their feedings done in their sleep if need be. You aren't even any where close to that. She eats fine all day and then reacts to your OALD during the witching hour. It's fine. And if you were already feeding her at night a bottle anyway....I am confused as to why you would be trying to feed her ON TOP of that? The rule of thumb is that you leave 1oz of milk for every hour away from a child. And really a child that age is being overfed with anything over a 4oz feed. So keep her feeds between 2 and 4oz and realistically, if you give her 4oz, she shouldn't be expect to eat again for 4hours. You want him to be able to feed her AND then you feed her at some point? Don't feed her more than 2oz. Just because a baby drinking out of a bottle WILL finish whatever is in one doesn't mean they NEED that much milk. They have to keep drinking or they choke. So they learn to drink until a bottle is gone. Don't give her more than 4oz at a time and if you also want to be able to feed her, not more than 2oz at a time. 2-3 oz is that MOST she is ever getting from you during a feed. You should be getting your bottle feedings to mimic that.

    Way too lazy for formula

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    Would it be possible to stop or cut back on bottles and pumping? pumping is useful/needed when there are separations such as for work, but otherwise not typically needed-i do not understand why you are pumping if baby is growing well and can transfer enough milk by nursing now-pumping is a whole lot of extra work that will certainly make breastfeeding less enjoyable. Just nursing when you are with your baby-even if it means nursing more frequently-is typically so much easier. If you keep giving your baby unneeded bottles, he may very well act oddly at the breast, as the two are completely different.

    how often in 24 hours is your baby nursing? around 8 times at least? how long is this nightly sleep stretch? frequent nursing will keep your supply where it should be. unneeded bottles and pumping instead of nursing esp. on top of very long sleep stretches may indeed harm milk production. Also as djs.mom notes, the large feedings with bottles may interfere with natural appetite and nursing cues.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Please Help..I am so frustrated I could cry :(

    I guess maybe I worded that wrong. I don't expect it to be easy at all. I persevered with an undiagnosed tongue tie with my son and continued to breastfeed him until a year old after it was taken care of. I know the the benefits FAR outweigh the hardships of it and I know it is not easy and I don't expect it to be, I just don't want it to be a tiring, irratating and stressful experience for my baby and I want to make sure her nutritional needs are being met.

    My reason for pumping was two fold. First, I pumped to build up my freezer stash because there are some times when I need to be away from her such as doctor appointments etc and I don't want to ever be in the situation where she HAS to have formula. The other reason was I was afraid that the reason she would refuse to eat from me but feed perfectly from the bottle was that she wan't getting anything after the first few gulps. From my research, I learned the best way to build up your supply was to bring baby to breast as often as possible and to add pumping sessions in between. In my mind, since I wasn't leaking anymore, didn't feel the let down feeling and I didn't notice her chocking anymore I felt that I wasn't overproducing anymore and in fact, I had the opposite problem.

    I typically feed her every 3 hours and she has been sleeping through the night. I think that works out to 6 feedings a day. I addressed the issue of missed feedings with my pediatrician and she said as long as baby is gaining to let her sleep. I always thought that your body adjusted to what baby needs so since she wasn't needing to feed during that time it was OK?

    Last night I pumped for five minutes BEFORE I fed her to see if that would help and she still pulled off. It is so hard not to convince my husband (and myself) that she does not need the bottle when she is screaming and rejecting the breast.

    I wasn't feeding her and giving a bottle, my husband was giving her a bottle and I would pump during that time so it wouldn't affect my supply.

    I do think I may be overfeeding her. What I went through with my son being grossly underweight at 4 months was traumatic for me so I guess I thought it was better to overfeed her than her not getting enough. And when she kept going after the first 2 ounces in the bottle, I assumed it was her way of catching up for what she was missing/needed.
    Last edited by @llli*ryal03; October 8th, 2012 at 11:15 AM.

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