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Thread: Mixed feelings?

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
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    416

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Thank you all for your comments and support. You don't know how helpful it's been. I'm feeling much better about nursing DS and am totally over the squicked-out thing, and back to enjoying nursing together, at least for now

    still.here, you're right it's pretty awesome that my DH is comfortable enough with me nursing that he jokes about it with strangers

    Anyway, just wanted to follow up and say thanks for the support, and glad to hear I'm not the only one to ever feel ambivalent about this whole thing. You LLLadies are great!
    First-time mama to Joshua, 10/29/11. 29 months and going strong! for 14 months; now finished with pump weaning!

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    16

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    In terms of you DH, sure lots of women have men who are under the mistaken impression that things will somehow go back to "the way they were" but the truth is....it doesn't happen. Even when you wean, you will still ALSO be a mother...There is nothing weird or sexual about nursing your child no matter how much longer he does it.
    And I think in terms of your DH, just throw it more. Most men who are complaining about nursing or are feeling territorial about breasts (ATE) usually are doing so because they are feeling neglected. You know what makes that stop? More sex. You know what else? Oral Sex. So take 1 or 2 or 4 for the team. Your team. Team family. Because you are a duel purposed women from here on in. You have to be able to meet the needs of BOTH OF THEM for it all to work. And you can do it. We promise.
    I don't know how to put this to a new thread- Any suggestions on being able to take one for the team. With a 3 month old nursling and 3 year old & working out of the house (althought I belive being a SAHM is much more difficult) I barely have the energy to do anything much less still make hubby feel well- like a hubby. ::: Sometimes it's all too much

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
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    11,107

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mtryingtodoitall View Post
    I don't know how to put this to a new thread- Any suggestions on being able to take one for the team. With a 3 month old nursling and 3 year old & working out of the house (althought I belive being a SAHM is much more difficult) I barely have the energy to do anything much less still make hubby feel well- like a hubby. ::: Sometimes it's all too much
    It depends on your situation, really. Does your DH help out with the babies and housework? Does he make sure you get a break sometimes? Is he expecting you to 'do it all' or is that a pressure you're putting on yourself?

    The first few months after having a second baby can be very trying for a mother, at least it was for me. Dealing with a newborn on top of a toddler whose world has been totally shaken up and then going back to work on top of it all. It may be too soon for you to feel like you are settled into the new family dynamic. And three month old babies are still very demanding as far as needing to nurse frequently. It's hard to find 'alone' time. Which is not to say you can't start looking for the opportunity if you're feeling like your husband needs a little extra attention. You might not find the time to get it on, but taking a minute to give a hug and a kiss or say I love you can sometimes make a difference. But he's also a grown man and should understand that at this age, the kids are going to take precedence. He can wait for his needs to be met, they can't (especially the baby).
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,949

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    I didnt read thru the whole thread, but wait til he is nursing at 3 1/2...lol. Thats where I am at and I look at her and she is HUGE but she is still looks like my little baby when nursing and she DEMANDS it...lol.

    goood luck to you. I think at 1 year old it is normal to wonder if they are too big, but if you can, hang in there it is so well worth it!
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,469

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mtryingtodoitall View Post
    I don't know how to put this to a new thread- Any suggestions on being able to take one for the team. With a 3 month old nursling and 3 year old & working out of the house (althought I belive being a SAHM is much more difficult) I barely have the energy to do anything much less still make hubby feel well- like a hubby. ::: Sometimes it's all too much
    OH God. You are already working out of the home and you have a 3month old? I wouldn't even worry about it yet. 3months in is pretty soon. If you are up for it AT ALL I would suggest Blow jobs on the weekend. When you have help and support. Because they are quick and easy and don't really call for you to be very into it. BUT if you aren't ready, I think it's fine for you to revisit this in a month. When you are done dealing with the trauma of birth and having to leave your baby and your toddlers reaction to someone stealing his/her mom. Three months in is EARLY.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #26
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,361

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mtryingtodoitall View Post
    I don't know how to put this to a new thread- Any suggestions on being able to take one for the team. With a 3 month old nursling and 3 year old & working out of the house (althought I belive being a SAHM is much more difficult) I barely have the energy to do anything much less still make hubby feel well- like a hubby. ::: Sometimes it's all too much
    Before I had kids, I thought that a nice ass and legs were pretty much all it took for a man to be sexy. Now that I have kids, I have higher standards. There is nothing sexier than a man who puts the kids to bed, vacuums the floor, scrubs the toilets, allows me to have half an hour in the bath, and gives me a back rub. Now that's the sort of guy I could give a BJ to.

    But I am with the PPs that it is super-early for you to be worrying about making your DH feel all loved up. He has hands. Let him take care of himself if you don't have the energy right now.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    416

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Just wanted to update since I see this thread got bumped up recently. My DS is now 14 months and we're still nursing on demand I've gotten over whatever funny feelings I had about it a few months ago when I posted. Thanks to all of you for your support. DH has been super great about toddler nursing and that helps, too. We recently took a trip back to the East Coast (from CA) to visit his family and I had to NIP several times on the plane and he was awesome about it. I mentioned to DH after that trip how glad I was that DS was still nursing and how much easier it had made traveling for all of us and he vehemently agreed that it was a good thing We actually went to the Rose Bowl yesterday with DS, and while there DS wanted to nurse and it was DH (of all people) who suggested I just nurse him right there in the stadium stands rather than leaving to find a family restroom or something. At first I was not too comfortable with that being surrounded by rowdy males in every direction but I put on DH's oversized sweatshirt and managed to nurse DS discreetly right there in the stands without anybody seeming to notice. Everyone around us commented on what a 'good baby' he was throughout the game SOOO happy that DH sees how important this is to DS and I and that I have his full support. It really makes a difference.

    We've also talked and agreed 'the girls' are no longer off-limits during sex and I think that made a difference in his attitude, along with seeing for himself what a baby DS still is and how much he needs to nurse. We're working on the one-year molars now (late teether) and I don't know what we'd do if we weren't still nursing. I see for myself what you all were telling me about how a one year old is still very much a baby. He didn't stop being a baby the day he turned 12 months old. Some moments he's more a toddler, other moments (when he's tired or not feeling good) he's still very much my little guy. I'm loving our cuddle time and our nursing relationship and I'm completely over feeling squicked-out about it. I think I was just being affected by negative societal messages about extended nursing and by subtle negativity from DH. DH does get a bit nervous when I talk about not initiating mother-led weaning till DS is 2.5 or 3, but I think we'll just play it by ear and see what happens. My guess is, both of our positions will continue to evolve. We tend to see eye-to-eye when it comes to our son and believe in giving him what he needs and parenting responsively. While nursing a 3 year old now may seem pretty radical, if that's where we end up, my guess is DH will be pretty supportive once we get there. If DS ends up self-weaning sooner than that, well that's just fine too
    First-time mama to Joshua, 10/29/11. 29 months and going strong! for 14 months; now finished with pump weaning!

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    255

    Default Re: Mixed feelings?

    Thanks for the update! That sounds very similar to where we are at 16 months. DH agrees the other day the only breaks we get are when I'm nursing. We both enjoy the quiet. DH and I are getting back into the groove as a couple and DD is sleeping better. No idea when we will wean! I haven't felt ready to be done yet but there are days where she nurses less and I offer a lot and she's not that interested. So we shall see.
    Lisa

    Mom to Aimee, born 8/22/11
    for 20 months!

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