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Thread: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    I had this huge post typed out to you yesterday and I lost it.

    I think that if you are both working more than full time, that is going to be hard on a child/children regardless if you have more or just the one you have. But that is a decision for you to make and I feel that it is separate from the maternal age issue. Just because someone you met was able to conceive (at all!) at the age of 43 does not mean that YOU will be able to. I have several friends who thought they would be able to conceive at age 40 and it just didn't work out. They either go the in-vitro route with donor eggs or don't have more children. I think that is more common than the 43 year old that conceives in 3 months. I'm not trying to be negative or critical, but our eggs start to deteriorate in our 30s.

    I got pregnant with Beatrix when Lilah was around 18 months old and Beatrix was born when Lilah was almost 27 months old. They were born when I was almost 33 and just over 35. I work 36 hours a week in an intellectually demanding career and my husband works 40ish hours a week. We've decided to sacrifice the little bit of money that we would have by me working full time so that our family can function a little better. I wanted to have time with them when they were babies. I will be dropping down to 30 or 32 hours a week in the next year or so, probably. This would have been the same for us with one child or two. Adding the second child was really not that hard. Your life goes through a roller coaster when you have that first child. When you have the second child, there is already a mother and father in the house. You know how to take care of children and the second one can fold into the lifestyle you have with the first one. I think you said you have a nanny - so there will not be the hassle of taking both kids somewhere. One thing that has really helped us have balance is having someone clean our house every two weeks. I think a third kid would fold in just as easily, but we want to pay for college and we can only do that for two.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    518

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    I was actually hoping for the same thing you mention, mommy2lilah, that the 2nd would be less of a crazy disruption to life now that I've been through it. I felt so overwhelmed for the first few months, but now I feel like I wouldn't be so hard on myself about everything. Also, I always forget to mention to people that my husband and I work a lot, but we adjust our schedule so our DD is currently with the sitter only 7 hours at most a day. We've been very fortunate. It means I get to work at 6:30 a.m. and get out at 3:00, and he works usually 9-5:30, plus travels frequently. We decided if the OT or travel was ever a problem or if we thought DD was negatively affected by anything, we'd cut it out. But I think it's much harder on us than it is on her! I have a friend who works part-time from home and she and her baby don't seem nearly as connected and happy as we do (probably personality rather than work schedules). So it's tough -- everyone's different, I guess. But I do agree with you -- I don't plan to wait too long to try again, because it is a rare 43-year-old who can get pregnant so easily. But nice to hear some positive stories like that -- people who thought it was not possible and then were pleasantly surprised.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    It is hard, but you get on a roll and it all works out and becomes second nature just like the 1st. I had DS1 when I was 32 and DS2 when I was 36, both DH and I work out of the home and DH travels about 40-50% of the time. I'm not going to lie, it's overwhelming a lot of times but I take help where I can get it and try to concentrate on the big things...like clean healthy happy kids instead of worrying that DS2 watched 2 hours of tv one Saturday, or that yes I served grilled cheese for dinner 2x one week when I was alone with the kids.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    one thing about maternal age; I lost a baby between my sons because of a genetic trisomy. It was completely random HOWEVER it did put me at about double the chance of having subsequent children with a trisomy (like 13 which is Down's Syndrome). That plus the additional risk of maternal age made for some pretty sobering conversations about more children. Not that we wouldn't welcome children with disabilities at all but just about the additional health, money and time needed to keep these kids happy and healthy.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    504

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    Just wanted to chime in again - I'm enjoying reading this post! It's comforting to know that others are working FT and getting just a short amount of time in the evenings with their kiddoes, but making it work. DD doesn't nap well at daycare, so she is super-tired at night and often goes to bed between 6:30pm and 7pm. So while it's hard for me to have to little time with her in the evenings, I just tell myself that as her Mom, it's my job to give her what she needs. And on those nights, what she needs is sleep. Sigh. I tink overall our system works for us know, and when it stops working, we'll make changes. Everything is a season.
    Blessed with DS - born 9/2/09 - nursed/pumped for 12 months
    Blessed with DD - born 3/27/12 my dreamfeeder

    903 ounces donated.
    http://www.wakemed.org/landing.cfm?id=135

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2,207

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    I'm a mom of 3. DS born at the end of my medicine residency when I was 34. DD1 born during my fellowship when I was 37. Now I'm on the faculty of a medical school and DD2 was born 7 months ago when I was 39. So in total, a full-time plus job, three children age 5 and under (two born post the advanced maternal age cutoff), and still exclusively breastfeeding DD2 (nursing at home, pumping at work). I guess I just want to say, it can be done, and not only that, I have a great life! That said, I realize that I benefit from many factors that have made this road easier for me:
    1. Healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies as well as healthy, uncomplicated (vaginal) deliveries (I'm a big fan of gentle exercise throughout pregnancy, if not otherwise contraindicated, to keep yourself healthy and ready for delivery)
    2. Healthy, full-term babies
    3. A good milk supply
    4. A good pump, control over my work schedule, and my own office (though did not have my own office for the first two; my workplace has lactation rooms)
    5. A wonderful nanny
    6. Someone who cleans my house and does laundry - if you can afford it, I think it's worth it to hire out tasks that you don't have to do, so you can spend more time with the kids in the precious little time you do have trying to juggle work, kids, and life's other demands
    7. A supportive husband (also working full-time plus, though, so I don't think a stay-at-home partner is necessary to make this work)
    8. Not too much travel for work (although I think it's doable even with a vigorous travel schedule, just requires more planning and definitely a very involved partner)

    In terms of spacing: my first two babies are three years apart, I really liked that spacing. The second two are 22 months apart. I've found that somewhat more challenging, in that the middle baby hit the terrible two's just at the same time the youngest baby was born, but it's gotten a lot better.

    Also, my experience is that the first baby is by far the hardest. It's like everything else in life - experience counts. You know that whatever the baby is going through isn't going to last forever (ie, he/she WILL eventually sleep through the night!). You know how to breastfeed. You know how to fit pumping into your work day. You know how to pump while traveling.

    All in all I would say, it's very possible to do this without life feeling totally crazy! And it is VERY rewarding.

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