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Thread: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
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    Northern Virginia
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    542

    Default Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    My DD is only 11 months old, but because I was already in the lovely "Advanced Maternal Age" category when I had her, I'm already in the "when to have more kids?" mind-set. My DH is in the "Can we not think about that right now?" mind-set. We both work more than full-time, and it would be tough to change that too much -- our jobs are demanding but about as fulfilling as they can be. We have a great nanny and I assume she'd stick with us if we had another baby. But I can't imagine how we'd handle more than one, as we feel so overwhelmed now. Like Jim Gaffigan says (about having his 5th kid), "Imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." Ha-ha, that's how I already feel with one!

    How are those of you that have two full-time working parents with multiple young kids handling it? I figure we need to decide in the next couple years, so I was thinking maybe around when DD is 3 would be our best shot before I'm too old.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    522

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    I don't yet have the experience to answer, but I did see a book in the store section that covers this topic. http://store.llli.org/public/profile/258
    1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    504

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    I work full-time and so does my husband. I took a 3-month maternity leave with each of my children. So, when I went back to work after DD, she was 3 months old and DS was still 2. He is now 3. Having two kids that young is very challenging - no matter whether you work outside of the home, inside the home, or are a stay at home Mom. Each has it's own set of challenges, in my opinion. I love my job and can't imagine leaving it, as hard as it is juggling working and kids. I think I'm a better Mom because I work. Fortunately I have a husband who is very helpful and does his fair share of cleaning and cooking. But the simple fact of the matter is that we're just not at home during the day, so stuff just doesn't get done. So I'm not sure if I'm answering your question - I think being a Mom is challenging no matter how you spend your days. I WOULD say that I'm glad my kids are close in age. We are done having kids now, and while I will certainly miss so many of the baby-stage things, some things will be so much easier since we'll be getting a lot of that baby-stuff over with early.

    I say go for it whenever you feel like you are ready! For what it's worth, we got pregnant with DS on the first try, but DD took about 5 months.
    Blessed with DS - born 9/2/09 - nursed/pumped for 12 months
    Blessed with DD - born 3/27/12 my dreamfeeder

    903 ounces donated.
    http://www.wakemed.org/landing.cfm?id=135

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
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    542

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    Thanks for the information. I guess that was the kind of thing I was looking for -- just hearing from someone who's in that situation. I know it's probably difficult to make these decisions now matter what your situation (working, SAH, etc). But managing to balance work and one baby seems like it's been such a juggling act throwing another one in there seems like a crazy decision. But I don't want to deny my DD a sibling just because it might be a few years of increased chaos. I also took 3 months of maternity leave -- I'm almost willing to have another baby just for that! It was great!
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    504

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    Right. There is no "perfect" time to have a baby (first, second, etc.). You just have to go with the flow and rise above the chaos! Good luck to you!!
    Blessed with DS - born 9/2/09 - nursed/pumped for 12 months
    Blessed with DD - born 3/27/12 my dreamfeeder

    903 ounces donated.
    http://www.wakemed.org/landing.cfm?id=135

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    177

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    Ah, the advanced maternal age timeclock....Our DD was born 4 months short of my 35th birthday. We would have liked to have had the 2nd one 2 years later but both our jobs were unstable at that time. So now DD#2 will be almost exactly 3 years apart from DD#1 and born 4 months short of my 38th birthday. Let me tell you that being pregnant with a 2.5 year old at my age has not been fun. But having them 3 years apart will be a big blessing in the long run. DD#1 is 100% potty trained and hopefully will be very helpful with the baby. She understands that the baby is coming soon and has enjoyed seeing her old room transformed into the baby's room.

    I think once my 3 month maternity leave is over working full time with two will be extremely challenging but eventually we'll fall into a routine. You have the blessing of a nanny which is wonderful. We will be taking the girls to two seperate daycares where they spend 10 hours a day! I would like nothing more then to work part time but my profession doesn't really allow for that or working from home. Up at 5:45 and out the door at 6:45, home at 5:30 and sleeping by 7:30, leaving us a grand total of 3 hours of wake time with the girls a day...just doesn't seem fair. I hope that the construction industry re-bounds and DH gets a raise so we can comfortably afford everything on one income but right now things are so unstable that working full time is the only option.

    Oh my working guilt factor has actually gone up the older DD gets because of the activities I would like her involved in but don't have time for...swimming lessons, gymnastics, going to the zoo/park,other sports, etc

    Good luck!
    Trying to keep up with a busy 3.5 year old Morgan Alexis born 11/5/09 at 6 lbs 5 oz and proud retired 1 year EP'er!

    Nursing our new addition Jordan Catherine born 10/21/12 at 7 lbs 14 oz.

    Total donated milk so far - 1,368 ounces!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    Nashville, TN
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    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    Advanced age - I delivered my first baby 10 weeks ago at age 43. I had just run a 1/2 marathon and had been on an anti inflammation diet for 8 months when - much to my surprise - I conceived. Seemed to have a pretty healthy pregnancy tho I struggled in the 3rd trimester. I took great care of myself but tiny body wasn't prepared for the expansion. I was set on a drug free VB and I hired a doula to help me stay on course. I was just clueless about childbirth. In the end I met my goal.
    Let me know if there's a specific question you have. Not sure age is the only factor in how things are going to go. Especially if you've already delivered once.
    1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    I just had my second baby and will be returning to my job as an attorney shortly. My little guy will be three and a half soon so my kids are just over three years apart. We're still figuring things out and it is not always easy peasy! My circumstances are different than yours bc DH stays home with the kids, though. I definitely couldn't imagine adding to our family until Joe turned two. Then I got the itch to have another one (probably bc he was finally sleeping ). It's ok to play it by ear.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    542

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    Wow, thanks everyone. These stories are inspiring me -- although I'll just keep that info from DH for now. I guess once you're over 35 and the mommy, you can't really think, "Maybe I'll have another someday," it's more like, "I'd better figure this out soon!" But DH doesn't want to think that way. I'm the one with the stable, higher-paying job (especially with overtime), but there's no way we want DH to give up his awesome job. I have to think ahead..."Well, if I wanted to have one when my DD is 3, then I'd need to try around age 2, but it took 5 months to conceive with her and I'll be older," etc., etc., etc. Then I'd need to plan another maternity leave, etc. Luckily my job is pretty flexible with these things (federal). I got to speak with a pretty famous rock and roll lady recently, and she told me she expected to need in vitro when she wanted to have a second child at 43, but it took only 3 months of trying, so that was a nice thing to hear! She also told me (when I was explaining my DD's sleep troubles) that she heard babies who don't sleep well are born leaders, because they want to know what's going on around them all the time -- also encouraging words!

    I may have to start an "advanced maternal age working breastfeeding mommies with multiple young kids" support group!
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    381

    Default Re: Working, BFing and multiple young kids?

    When my son was 13 months we got pregnant with DD1/DD2 (going for 1 and got 1 free). We thought having kids 2 years apart made the most sense for us (still in diapers, closer schedules, naps, activities and interests, and closeness in age to play together, baby gear still new enough to use). My son was 21 months when my daughers were born and I think that age was perfect-it was like he was too little to be jealous, didn't understand that siblings would take time and attention away from him. He had already started to throw tantrums before the girls were born, we didn't notice any acting out.

    If we didn't have 2 the second time, I would probably be pregnant with #3 now. But since we had 3 in less than 2 years we are waiting to decide on #4 (if and when).

    It is hard, sometimes I want to pull my hair out. I get to spend maybe 60 minutes with my kids each day when I get home from work, and that includes dinner and bedtime. And most times someone (or two or three) are crying/screaming/fussing over dinner. Evening is the witching hour for my kids. But it is like groundhog day, just get up the next day and do it again. But so rewarding and heart-warming. DH is a stay at home dad who does all the cleaning, food shopping, and most errands. I cook, but not on weeknights (cook on weekends, we eat leftovers during the week).
    Full time working Mom to 3, DH is my hero as a SAHD:
    DS July'09, nursed for 12 weeks
    DD1 & DD2 April'11, tandem nursed for 16 months

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