I'm so lost. This is just getting worse.
All weekend, I had my husband on duty to do everything for me so all that I had to do all day was pump every two hours. I STILL couldn't do it. I feel so incredibly worthless. Not once have I had a day when I've been able to pump as much as I need to to keep my supply up - not even five times a day, let alone every two hours - and I don't have other kids to look after. Other mothers manage it, and they have children to look after, dogs to walk, a house to clean, you name it. Yet I can't manage a single day of pumping, when it's my only duty all day long. What is wrong with me? I'm trying SO hard. This weekend I even set an alarm every two hours so I wouldn't forget, and I didn't forget, I didn't have time. How is that even possible?
The pain itself is getting worse, too. Last night I had shooting pains through my breast after I nursed her (I know that this is a symptom of thrush; I'm calling a doctor today to see someone ASAP). The pain in my nipples will not let up, and seems worse than ever. They're also starting to turn white.
I'd like to fill you all in on what's happened today, because it's very typical of a normal day for me. LO woke around 7am and I pumped while my husband fed her formula. She only took around 1oz before she fell asleep. By 8:20, she was hungry again, so I nursed her. After 45 minutes - with me in pain the entire time - she was asleep again, and none of my methods woke her up, so I was pretty confident she was finished eating. The moment I stood up to put her in her bassinet, she threw up what I'd guestimate to be everything she'd just eaten, and started giving me her hungry cry again. I couldn't even think about nursing her, so I gave her a bottle of formula. She took half an ounce and was done. I put her, sleeping, in her swing. Ten minutes later she was awake and hungry again. This time she took 1oz, then fell asleep again. And repeat, over and over. She's been crying, on and off, all day. That ten minutes this morning was the longest consecutive period that she hasn't been crying. Every time, I rule out diaper change; needing to burp; needing to be held; being tired. All that she wants is to eat, but then she falls asleep as she's doing it and doesn't get enough.
She's nursed for about an hour and thirty minutes today, total, and has had about 4.5oz of formula. After she spat up and got hungry again immediately after I nursed her this morning, I couldn't stop crying. Why am I doing this to myself when she just isn't ever satisfied?