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Thread: Stressful bedtime routine with bottle of expressed BM by DH

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    11

    Default Stressful bedtime routine with bottle of expressed BM by DH

    My DH and I have had LO on the same bedtime routine since she was about 3 weeks (DH gives bath, swaddle, bottle, bed). She is now 2.5 months and still gets pretty tearful after her bath. However, I have put her down a few times (for example when we go visit family out of town and I can't pump). This past weekend I put her down for bed since we were out of town. Tonight when we tried to go back to our routne with DH giving her a bottle she screamed for about 15 minutes. It took everything in me not to go in there and just nurse her and put her to bed. I know it may take a few days to get her used to the routine again, but even when she was "used" to it, she would still cry a lot more with her dad than with me.

    I nurse her down for all her daytime naps, so I think it is what she is wanting. However, the nighttime routine is the only one of one time DH gets with her since he works and I stay home with her.

    Will this get easier on her? Will she get used to her dad putting her down or will she always cry like this unless I put her down? I could understand if this was something new, but we have been doing this since she was 3 weeks. Ugh, I just hate hearing her scream like that when I know I can fix it. However, it is good for her dad and her to bond and it gives me a much needed mental break at the end of the day.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Stressful bedtime routine with bottle of expressed BM by

    He can bond in other ways. Breastfeeding isn't about milk. For babies, it is often associated with hormones and a warm snuggly feeding they do not get from a bottle. I found it easier to nurse baby to sleep and then roll away and go do something else (or sleep myself) than have my hubby try to put baby to bed. Instead, I had him do other baby chores, like a bath, or they played in the evening instead of at bedtime.

    People think food is how we bond. It isn't. Dropping the bottle might be easier on everyone involved.

    And I PROMISE it won't always be like this. My three year old refused to go to bed tonight until Daddy came home. He wants Daddy to put him to bed. Le sigh.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: Stressful bedtime routine with bottle of expressed BM by

    I'd rather just breastfeed than pump. It sounds like your DH has a great routine going, except the bottle part. It might just be easier to breastfeed? Of course, to answer your question, it WILL get easier. My DH is a SAHD, and both of my babies have learned to take a bottle from him and now my 3 year old prefers Dad to put him to bed. But I also enjoy nursing my babies to sleep, so I might just do that.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,799

    Default Re: Stressful bedtime routine with bottle of expressed BM by

    If the bottle is a source of stress, ditch it. What does your DH think about the situation? Does he enjoy giving a bottle? It sounds like it's not a particularly fun enterprise!

    Often we go into parenthood with big plans about what we're going to do. We're never going to use tv as a babysitter. We're never going to be the parents with the screaming kid at the restaurant. We're going to have our baby potty trained by age 2. We're going to use a nightly bottle. And then our kids are born and they are their own unique little people right from the get-go, and sometimes that means our plans get completely upended!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    46

    Default Re: Stressful bedtime routine with bottle of expressed BM by

    Up until last week (my son is now 4 1/2 months old) my DH was giving a bottle before bed and I was pumping - this was mainly because we had serious latch issues for over 3 months and I was in a lot of pain, and we were worried about his weight. But we got to the point where he would still want to nurse a little after his bottle, before he would sleep, and it was taking me around 30 minutes to pump since I returned the hospital grade pump. It all got too annoying in the end, so we decided to ditch the bottle and are all much happier. DH still takes over when he comes home - he does the play/cuddles/bath while I prepare dinner, and we both put our son to bed after I have nursed him. It sounds like you might all be happier ditching the bottle too

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