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Thread: Creating bad habits

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    366

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Treating your child with love and respect doesn't create bad habits. What is the "bad" habit that these folks fear-- that your child will love and trust you, and seek out your care when it's needed?

    Telling you to stop is, to me, akin to saying you should stop loving your husband because he'll "expect" you to kiss him, hug him, talk to him, etc. Baloney! Human relationships are designed for human interaction.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    20

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Audrey, this is, by far, the best response I have ever heard to this issue. As a parent very like the OP, thank you, thank you, thank you!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    20

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Mammi, this is great advice for most issues!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Manhattan, KS...for now.
    Posts
    143

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*auderey View Post
    . Diapers are gross, they're a lot of work, they leak, they produce waste, they make our babies get rashes and sores on their sensitive parts, and all the rest - and yet, we accept them because we don't imagine we can much do anything to change the developmental process needed to make babies ready to toilet train. We by and large accept that they'll do it when they're ready, and in fact we're shamed and warned against doing it too soon ("psychological trauma" and all that). No one berates us for putting a diaper on a 6 month old because "we'll still be diapering him when he goes to high school". No one tells us that we're "creating bad habits" by "giving in" and "coddling and spoiling" babies when we put diapers on them.
    That is a PHENOMENAL analogy!!!!

    OP: I read "The Fussy Baby Book" and Dr. Bill's advice was/is to surround yourself with like-minded parents; those who are unsupportive of your parenting style need not know the ins and outs of your daily habits! Not to say that you need to keep things a secret! But really, why is it any one else's business where your baby sleeps, how your baby falls asleep, etc?
    Our parents, and pedis, did things differently, and always remember how hard it is for most people to accept that different doesn't equal wrong.
    Daniel Keith + Rachel Joy = Leonel Dante [4/13/2012]

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    19

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Thanks everyone so much for the awesome responses! I was having a doubt filled moment, but am feeling much better now.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    576

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    When everyone kept saying things like that to me, it bothered me at first. But then I realized these fears were completely manufactured by Western society, and I'm not even sure why! I kept hearing that I was spoiling my daughter from picking her up when she cried, and I said, "So what?" As she'd sit there being so cute and smiley, I'd say, "Yes, and isn't she awful? Isn't she so terrible? What a terrible girl!" No one is concerned about their child being a sociopath from lack of human contact, it seems? It seems so strange to me that this thinking has become the norm! When I told my pediatrician that when my daughter wakes up, I nurse her and she's usually right back to sleep in 10-15 minutes, he encouraged me to stop that. And I thought, "So instead she would be awake for an hour or more, and then so upset she'd be impossible to get back to sleep?" That seems faulty logic to me! I am more worried that she's going to be addicted to the noise machine for life, like her father is, though (noise machines and fans going all night at our house)!
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    middle of IA
    Posts
    1,885

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*allynpsych View Post
    Audrey, this is, by far, the best response I have ever heard to this issue. As a parent very like the OP, thank you, thank you, thank you!
    aw, shucks!
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*auderey View Post
    Here's what I think. For some normal developmental processes, we have a good cultural understanding of how they work, that kids are not ready or able to do things differently at x phase of their life, that this will change in the future. Like diapering: we understand babies are not capable of being toilet trained (i know, i know, EC, but i'm talking mainstream). So we put them in diapers. Diapers are gross, they're a lot of work, they leak, they produce waste, they make our babies get rashes and sores on their sensitive parts, and all the rest - and yet, we accept them because we don't imagine we can much do anything to change the developmental process needed to make babies ready to toilet train. We by and large accept that they'll do it when they're ready, and in fact we're shamed and warned against doing it too soon ("psychological trauma" and all that). No one berates us for putting a diaper on a 6 month old because "we'll still be diapering him when he goes to high school". No one tells us that we're "creating bad habits" by "giving in" and "coddling and spoiling" babies when we put diapers on them.

    But we don't have the same framework for viewing how babies eat or sleep, even though those are parallel developmental processes. So. The task is, for those of us who do believe that eating and sleeping are parallel developmental processes, to just keep reminding ourselves that we are providing the best care for our little ones while they are little, while this is what they NEED (not want - a 4 month old's wants and needs are the same), and that these phases will not last forever. Just like diapering will not last forever.

    My 2 cents.
    Just wanted to say that I love this reply, and I really needed to read this right about now. Thank you for your wisdom!! (I just want to tell myself: "DUH!!" )
    Amber

    Mommy to Baby Sage: 6lb, 19in, born on 5/20/12

    love: hotsling AP, bumgenius diapers, ergoBaby
    loving fiancée to SAHD

    visit us at: mommy & sage

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Waukesha, WI
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    This is just what I needed to read. I hope this applies to 8 month olds too, because I spoil my DS the exact same way. Well, except for swaddling

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Creating bad habits

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*smittenmom View Post
    I normally don't have a problem trusting my instincts, but lately it seems like everyone thinks I'm doing things wrong (pedi, family, friends). He's 4 months old.

    I nurse my baby to sleep
    whenever he wakes in the night I nurse him doesn't matter if he is hungry or for comfort
    I let him nap on me during the day
    He naps when he's tired not on a schedule
    I cosleep with him (his bassinet is pushed up next to my bed)
    I swaddle him at night
    I did all of these, although naps may have started on me and then I'd put them down. My girls are almost 4, 2 and 6 months. They're all fine! They sleep well, eat well, are happy, polite, run like the wind.... If YOU are happy and your BABY is happy, who are they to say any different? You're his Mother. I learned a long time ago to either smile and nod (and do as I wanted) or to explain why I do what I do (and do as I wanted) or to simply say "No thanks" (and do as I wanted).
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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