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Thread: Visitors and breast feeding

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    19

    Default Visitors and breast feeding

    I usually breast feed my 3month old son in the living room of our house on demand during the day (im a stay at home mom). My in-laws are coming to stay with us for a month, they haven't seen the baby yet. My DH wants me to cover up or go to the bedroom to feed him during the day because it will make his parents uncomfortable.

    I want them to have a nice visit and I'm concerned that their "advice" or criticism about the way I do things is going to cause friction (I bf on demand, bf until he falls asleep, let him nap on me instead of putting him down, etc.).

    Any advice on how to nicely say it's my decision??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,562

    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    Sorry! How do you get along with his family? My husband's parents stayed with us for a week when Lilah was about 2 months old. I didn't cover up or leave the room. I just figured that if they were uncomfortable that they would leave. A month is a long time. Maybe you will want to go to the bedroom to get alone time with your baby.

    How did the conversation with your DH happen?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    "My house, my baby, my rules?" If they're staying for a month, it is going to be too hard to always go into another room...
    mama to a little raccoon, born under the full moon, Nov '11

  4. #4
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    Aug 2012
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    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    Mommy2lilah - the conversation came up when I asked my DH how they would react.

    My DH moved across the world to be with me, was totally on board when I told him i wanted to quit my job and stay at home even tho it means lots of long nights for him, and is an all around awesome guy. So I want to do what I can to minimize conflict. He's already said if I don't want to cover I don't have to, but I know it will cause arguments with my MIL. He doesn't see his family often and has a tendency to always be on my side (which is great), but I don't want a fight to break out over my LO's eating habits.

    I'm anticipating lots of advice on how to do the exact opposite of what I want. She's already talked about why aren't I giving formula, why don't I let him cry it out at night,is my housework up to par, etc.

    Before I had my LO any "advice" she gave I took stride, but im a little sensitive when it comes to my parenting since I'm a first time mom.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    1,566

    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    This would be a hard situation. I've never had someone stay a month, but for other visits, I used to leave the room if I thought there would be issues. However that got old fast. I felt like I never was able to join in the conversation and soon felt resentful that the baby needed to eat again. Which is not the baby's fault. So, I compromised. Even though I modestly nurse my baby in my living room around my own family and no one can really see anything unless they got really close, when company is over, I nurse with a receiving blanket tucked around us. Not completely up and over my shoulder, but just down near my lap. I've heard some moms say their baby doesn't like this, but it has worked for me and now I'm on baby #3. Another idea would be nursing clothes, but they are expensive, or a shirt with another over top like a cardigan that offers some privacy. I've just compromised in that way because it seems to be the best way for me.
    Mommy to 3 beautiful girls!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    miles from nowhere
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    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    If you want to make a stand, do it. If you would be more comfortable sitting in the living room nursing uncovered, do it. If you'd rather escape to your bedroom for a few minutes away, it's a great excuse. If you would me more comfortable not opening your feeding choices up for discussion and would prefer minimizing conflict, don't feel like you are obligated to make an issue of it. Especially if they don't live nearby and you don't see them often. If they lived in town I'd say maybe you should make your stand NOW and make it clear you aren't interested in their input, but if they aren't around a lot and you don't want to mess with the arguments...don't.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,562

    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    You may be surprised. They may not be as bothered by it as you think. I thought my in-laws would be bothered by it, but they weren't, at least not when my kids were under a year. They sure have plenty of ideas and I'm sure they think that my children would have been fine on formula, but oh well. My in-laws were bothered by me nursing past a year, and I'm sure they are bothered by it right now that Trixie is 19 months old. But I don't care. These are my children.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    1,110

    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    My PIL live also abroad, they come to visit us once a year for a month. They are very smart people and try their best not to be invasive but my MIL has very strong opinions. I have to admit it's not easy but I don't recommend to try to "change" them. I would do whatever makes you comfortable in your own house without having to confront them. I agree that if you decide to go to your room to nurse, you could use that time as a special time with baby. But it's your house and your baby, it's good not to confront them but I would keep firm on what you want.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    I think they may also take their cues from you; if you act like it's a non issue they may as well. If on the other hand you act like you are nervous and open to discussion they may start in on you.

    I've found that I like watching tv or reading while nursing a newborn and would enjoy some alone time...especially from my ILs!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
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    Default Re: Visitors and breast feeding

    Personally, I never left the room when it was in my own home. My home, my rules. It also helps for people to see you confident in your decisions and not ask for their leadership. It turns into more of an "Oh, that's how she does it." rather than a "This is how she should do it". A month is a long time to hide out in your own home. If they're not comfortable, they can leave the space until you're done.

    Establishing yourself as a Mom, NOW, to your IL's is so important. It sets the stage going forward. Seize the opportunity!
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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