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Thread: unbearable guilt!

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Re: unbearable guilt!

    that is how I read it too, esthervegan.
    he has not gained any weight his birth weight was 6lbs 1 oz, and he is now weighing 5lbs 5oz.. the our family practice doc is very very concerned, and he is reluctantly telling me to supplement with formula. I am a failure.
    ahwajo2, everything else you described could actually be normal, on its own. But the weight loss/lack of gain is NOT. Sometimes weight gain concerns are due to improperly done weight checks, so just know that baby should be measured on the same scale either naked or in a dry diaper every time going forward, if possible.

    When a baby does not gain as appropriate at the breast there are three rules. 1) feed the baby. This means supplement if and as much as needed. 2) protect milk supply (this means nurse as much as you can and pump as well-even if you are not getting much when pumping, pump.) and 3) get help, preferably help from an EXPERIENCED and RECOMMENDED IBCLC, preferably. You can also call your local LLL.

    Once you have figured out how to get baby fed, you can work on figuring out what the problem is-low milk supply, baby unable to transfer milk, baby needing to nurse more often, some combination? And you can work on correcting those issues.

    Very rarely, some mothers truly are unable to ever make "enough" milk for their babies. But they can usually make SOME, and breastfeeding can continue, modified, as needed. This is called defining your own success and is an alternative to chastising yourself as a failure for something outside of your control. Every drop of breastmilk and every moment spent at the breast has benefits for you and your baby.

    Also I suggest you examine your feelings. Why in the world would you feel guilt? Frustration, concern, fear for your baby's health, anger this is happening - I understand. But not guilt. You have done nothing wrong.

    I suggest the books The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition, 2010) and Making More Milk.
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; July 29th, 2012 at 10:33 PM.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2008

    Default Re: unbearable guilt!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*esthervegan View Post
    My dear fellow breastfeeding friends,
    When an infant has not regained their birth weight and in fact weighs less at 6 weeks then they did when born, this baby needs to be fed, this baby needs to put on weight Doctors do know when they are looking at an infant who is failing to thrive.
    Did I miss something in the OP's post.
    She did say her baby weighed less at 6 weeks than at birth.
    Yes, you are right. I missed that when I replied earlier. A weight drop (lack of gain) like that does call for supplementing while you figure out your supply/transfer issues

    mother of 2 boys!

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    Default Re: unbearable guilt!

    how are you mama? Any possibility of you seeing a IBCLC? I was thinking that in addition to checking for TT that she could teach you both about supplementing with formula and a supplemental nursing system, etc. Regardless...formula is out there and in some cases (like this one it seems) it can save a baby's life. I think we are all worried about the lack of weight gain, so supplement! But NEVER think that YOU failed! You are a nursing mother just like any of us. In fact there is one mother on here who formula fed her second child for medical reason and she is is an even more valuable member because she has that perspective.

    The first priority is getting your baby fed, then let's see if we can help in any way with pumping, combo feeding, nursing etc.

    Let us know how you guys are doing ok, I'm worried about you both
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  4. #14

    Default Re: unbearable guilt!

    Thanks for all the advice and support. We started supplementing with enfamil gentalease at night and so far he is tolerating it well. I have been doing 1/2 bm and 1/2 formula during the day. we go to the doctor for a weight check on wednesday. he's been much happier since he has been on both. I started on saturday. But decided to only give him breastmilk during that night (felt guilty) and he wanted to nurse all night!!! which he did literally from 1130pm until 445am he only slept for 10 minute intervals i only got 1/2 hrs sleep! I have been so, so, so, sore ever since then and i have had more trouble pumping, not even 1/2 oz per breast since yesterday and pumping is just as painful as him latching. I have been using what little supply i have in the fridge for the bm bottles. I don't plan on doing an all night nursing session again any time soon! as far as a tongue tie check my cousin is a speech language pathologist and exclusively works with children, she checked him when she came to visit and said there wasn't one.
    things are getting better, minus the sunday night nursing fest!

  5. #15

    Default Re: unbearable guilt!

    I don't have much advice for you but I just wanted to say that I'm glad things are getting better for you. My DD didn't want to nurse and didn't gain her wait back. I thought at 2 weeks old babies were lethargic and just slept all the time. Once we started supplementing and giving her pumped milk I noticed a difference in her almost immediately, she started thriving and has been a ton of fun since! The more your little one eats the stronger he will get and the better nursing will get. Don't be too proud to seek help with an IBCLC. I was and am sorry I waited so long. We are on the right track now with some great help but it would have been easier early on. And please don't feel guilty about giving your little one formula. You are doing what's best for him by giving him the nutrition he needs whether by expressed milk or formula.
    Keep it up and hope things just keep improving for you :-)

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    New York

    Default Re: unbearable guilt!

    the all night breastfeeding marathon is a positive sign!!!
    A baby who has the strength and "stick to it ness" to nurse all night is on the fast track to building up your supply,
    Acclimating your nipples to the stimulation of his mouth and tongue.
    The more he marathons the stronger he is getting.
    Now that you have fed him a supplement he is re-bounding with renewed energy. Use that energy to your advantage and let him nurse.
    Just watch those wet/dirty diapers and realize he will look to be fed every 2 hours or so.
    Started my family in 1986
    Finally done in 2001

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