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Thread: We are done

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006

    Default We are done

    And that is the correct way to word it..WE are done.

    I'd been noticing that I was tossing bottles of milk several mornings in a row. And it was my milk. The milk I pumped for two hours out of every 24 to get, all 3 oz of it (only pumping twice a day at 18 months). It tasted bbbbaaaaaadddd. Like a vomit covered salt lick. He would start a bottle and not finish it.

    I fell asleep the other night totally exhausted. If you don't know, we bought a farm. We have been fencing, cleaning the house (it was a foreclosure), mowing, all kinds of hard work. Plus caring for kids. And driving to the house 1.25 hours each way from the house we live in. I meant to pump that night, but I was so tired. I laid down with Gavin to get him to sleep, and I fell asleep too

    Woke up the next morning and looked at that pump and thought I cannot do this any longer. Over 18 months of my life have been spent ruled by that pump, and I can't. I almost cried. So I decided to not to. Simple as that. And I haven't been uncomfortable, gotten a plug, nothing. I still have milk, but it's not a problem.

    I'd planned to save up and give him one last bottle, but I knew he would not drink it.

    I saved some milk to make a breastmilk pendant with, to commemorate all the babies, mine and others, my milk sustained over the last 7 years, 10 months. (I have been pregnant, nursing or both since December 2003!). I donated milk to several mothers and had a mom donate to me.

    While I know I will always regret how it turned out -- I tried to beat the odds and nurse my cleft baby, something that is virtually impossible (but you never know until you try!) -- and I cannot get back the 1080 hours spent pumping (yes, pumping) and the 365 hours spent washing up (yep, about half an hour every day) I know it was not without benefit to him. I will always be sad that he could not experience what his brothers had, and I'm sad he only got a bit over 18 months of mom milk.

    I am pleased it was a combination of child led and mother led weaning. I let my other babies choose when they stopped nursing. He got at least that part of breastfeeding, even though he missed out on a lot, like all EP babies do.

    EPing is a pale shadow of breastfeeding. If you are struggling to nurse and think pumping is easier, it isn't. It becomes more difficult about the time most mothers find nursing to be super easy. Please do everything possible. Your baby deserves to be nourished directly from the breast.

    If you, like me, have a baby who cannot nurse because of a physical disability, you can still mother in a way close to the comfort and care breastfeeding gives by always holding your baby while feeding in a biological position, cosleeping, baby wearing and following your baby's cues for feeding.

    So, WE are done. I feel much more free than I have in more than a year. I've been able to sleep in, to spend the mornings cuddling instead of getting up to pump, and I have gotten to go to bed early.

    But it is weird to have breastfeeding done. It's been such a part of my life. Part of me is missing now. It feels empty. I'm working on a new norm.
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2009

    Default Re: We are done

    Your new normal will emerge soon enough. What a remarkable statement for you both, though. Congratulations/well done/hugs.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Default Re: We are done

    You've done so well. Congratulations! Enjoy the extra rest, freedom and snuggle time.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007

    Default Re: We are done

    18 months is nothing to sneeze at! And, hope you enjoy your new home and a a new phase in your life

    Wife to Nick, m. May 2005

    Mommy to Gabriel (b. January 2007, 8lbs. 15oz.), nursed 18 months.

    Isaac (b. August 2009, 9lbs. 1oz- naturally), nursed 22 months, through PPD/PPA and emergency gallbladder surgery.

    and Corban (b. March 2012, 11lbs. 6Oz.- naturally in the water), my NICU baby, still nursing strong at age 2!

    Daughter of God

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    Default Re: We are done

    what a great journey. congratulations Susan.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    out of my right mind

    Default Re: We are done

    Susan, you are an amazing woman and a true inspiration! Your boys are so fortunate to have you as their mom! I never could have done what you have. You should feel nothing but proud at what you've accomplished!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!

    Default Re: We are done

    Congratulations Susan! You are Rockstar. I think the timing is perfect. You are going to find a whole new you at the other house. New beginnings!

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009

    Default Re: We are done

    Congrats on coming to a place where you are BOTH ready! Pumping for Jayden has been one thing that I am proud of most, even MORE then nursing DD for 3+ years.
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: We are done

    Blessed with DS - born 9/2/09 - nursed/pumped for 12 months
    Blessed with DD - born 3/27/12 my dreamfeeder

    903 ounces donated.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: We are done

    Amazing. It's such a natural time for weaning to happen, in the excitement of a move. I hope that it feels natural, after all the artificiality of pumping and bottles.

    Congratulations, and thank you for sharing this journey with us.

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