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Thread: Work is not working!

  1. #1
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    Default Work is not working!

    I went back to work one month ago when DS was four months old. DH stays home while I am at work. I come home at lunch to feed him myself and leave bottles for him while I am gone.
    After one month DS still screams the whole time I am gone. DH spends the whole time carrying him around the house on his shoulder to keep him quiet. He generally refuses to eat out of the bottle while I am gone but will accept it from me when I get home. He will actually accept it from DH once I get home too. It seems he just wants me there. Spoilt milk from a refused bottle has often been thrown down the sink. How can I get him to accept bottles from his dad?
    Also, I can't imagine how DS is getting enough to eat. He has enough wet nappies and generally poos 3 times a days. He sleeps 9-10 hours straight at night. He has reduced his nursing sessions to 3-4 per day in the last two weeks. How much milk can he get in a single nursing session?? On a given work day he typically drinks about 10-12oz from bottles. Usually 2 bottles of 5-7oz. He has no interest in drinking smaller bottles and gradually we have had to increase the amount to the large ones we now give him (we started out with 3oz bottles). Can he make up the additional amount he requires with 3 nursing sessions?
    I will be starting a new job soon and will be away for 10 hours per day. I can't have him at home screaming that entire time and DH calling me to come home (which happens regularly now) will not be an option. Any advice would be helpful!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    Sorry this has been so difficult . I can't really speak to getting him to accept the bottles more because my kids verge on preferring bottles . Can DH wear him in a carrier or sling to help soothe him during the day?

    I would say that it sounds like he is getting enough because the bottles he does take are so large, in addition to his nursing sessions. 5-7 ounces is a large bottle for his age. Perhaps after 3 or 4 ounces he is continuing to suck for comfort? What if you tried offering a 3.5 or 4 ounce bottle then soothing him afterwards - does he take a pacifier?

    If you are truly concerned about him getting enough to eat could you do a dreamfeed or two since he sleeps so long at night? Some kids do well with dreamfeeds, others don't. You'd just have to see.

    Also - try to have DH put the unused milk back in the fridge if it is fresh milk (not previously frozen) instead of down the sink!

    Hang in there. Consider it a compliment that he wants to be near you so badly... You're doing great and he will adjust...
    Blessed with DS - born 9/2/09 - nursed/pumped for 12 months
    Blessed with DD - born 3/27/12 my dreamfeeder

    903 ounces donated.
    http://www.wakemed.org/landing.cfm?id=135

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    How is it only 3-4 times a day? In a 24 hour period? You nurse when you wake in the morning, you come home and nurse at lunch, do you nurse right when you get home? And then nurse him to sleep? That's 4 sessions right there. Your baby sleeps the whole night thru? If not how many time does he wake a night to feed?

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    Also it's probably comepletely exaserbated by the fact that you come home at lunch every day. I bet once you stop doing that he will calm down. Right now he is waiting for you to eat. Which he can afford to do. And is reminded that he is pissed you are gone when you leave for the 2nd time. If you weren't there when he woke up in the morning and never came back all day he would forget he was mad about it long before you showed back up for dinner. But the mid day reminder is probably all he needs to stay mad all day.
    Last edited by @llli*djs.mom; July 24th, 2012 at 10:04 AM.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    10 to 12 ounces is ENOUGH from the bottle, especially with you nursing at lunch. I don't understand why you think he's not getting enough?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    I guess my worry is that he never seems to give hunger cues anymore. He never seems hungry!
    He sleeps through the night and doesn't wake to nurse. He has been doing this for only the last 2 weeks or so. Before that he would wake to nurse at least once and I have always nursed on demand. I nurse him in the mornings but usually about 1-1.5 hours after he wakes up. If I offer before this he sucks for about 1 minute and then pulls off. I always offer....but he doesn't want to eat after waking in the mornings. Then he takes a bottle while I'm at work, nurses at lunch, another bottle in the afternoon and then when I get home he doesn't want to nurse until around 7-7:30 and then takes a very quick snack before falling asleep at around 9. So usually a day consists of 3 proper nursing sessions and maybe 1-2 quick snacks.
    I came home from work early today to a screaming child refusing the bottle from DH. He started taking the bottle from me and then DH finished. A full 7oz and he didn't seem completely satisfied with that. He kept grabbing the empty bottle for more. He then played on his playmat for over an hour while I worked (no crying at all) and it is now 3 hours later and he hasn't shown any interest in eating since then. But I guess 7oz is a lot!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    Maybe have your DH stop offering the bottle every time he cries. Also, I would not want to finish a bottle with him when I got home. I would want to nurse. So, you are saying that he is not satisfied with a 3 ounce bottle. Maybe DH needs to find some other comforting techniques other than the bottle. I think he may want to suck - not necessarily get milk out all the time. Has DH tried giving him a pacifier after he drinks a couple ounces? What other things is your DH doing to comfort him? Is your DH getting super stressed out? Babies can sense that - maybe he can offer the bottle, baby doesn't want it - then put it away and try something else. Take him outside. Go for a walk. Bounce him up and down. Give him a bath. Distract him. Offer him the bottle again some other time.

    ETA: I feel like I might be coming off overly harsh on your DH, but I don't mean to be. Babies cry to communicate things other than hunger. It also sounds like you have been able to rescue them every time it's too hard for your DH. But soon you won't be able to. And they will find their own groove. I think you should back off on the number of ounces per bottle and talk to your DH about other ways to soothe him and that with time, your DHs confidence will grow and they will figure it out.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    7oz is really too much in one session. Really. He'd never get that much from your breasts at one sitting would he? It's sort of no wonder you aren't seeing any hunger ques if he is being overfed like that during the day. I would set up 3-4 oz bottle MAX. And then have more of those on hand if need be. But that is a HUGE amount for a baby to take in in one sitting if you figure they only need about 24-32oz of milk in a 24hour period. And you basically just said you feed him 3-5 times a day at the breast and beyond that he is getting another 10-12oz so if he's getting 12oz from your DH that's essentially half of what he needs for the whole 24hours. I'd make smaller bottles. And just make more of them. Worst case scenario one goes to the next day.

    Way too lazy for formula

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    Had a good talk with DH about all the issues last night. It seems that everything can be traced back to the pediatrician!

    A month ago at DS's routine visit the ped said that he should only be fed 5-6 times a day. I proceeded to ignore this (after getting some advice on this forum) and continued to feed on demand, with DS taking on average 3oz from a bottle while I was at work. But DH thinks that if the doctor said it then it must be true. Also, there is a box of formula in the press (bought as an emergency back up when I had to leave for a long period about 8 weeks ago when DS was refusing bottles and I thought it might be an issue with my milk) which says that a 5 month old should eat 8oz 4-5 times a day. So DH thinks breastfeeding should basically follow this path since the forumla people say it and the doc says it. We came to the conclusion that the slow increase in bottle sizes was driven more my DH than DS. And now it seems that DS expects to get a large bottle. We are going to gradually wean him back to more reasonable sized bottles.

    My suspicion is that all the screaming for DH is because he knows he will be "forced" into drinking a huge bottle and he is waiting for me hoping that he can nurse. Usually if I come home early to him screaming I give him the bottle rather than feeding him myself because I didn't want him to associate refusing the bottle with me turning up and nursing.

    He doesn't take a pacifier (unless somebody holds it in his mouth for him). While I am away DH actually spends up to 3 hours walking around with him in his arms screaming. DH is devastated at all the screaming. He thought he was doing what was best for DS. He said that for the past couple of weeks he is genuinely worried that a neighbour will call the police suspecting that he is hurting DS. The crying is that bad. So today it is smaller bottles and DH is going to go out walking with DS. Hopefully we can get back to a better place!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Work is not working!

    You want him to associate YOU with nursing and NEVER with bottles. When you get home - nurse. It's the best thing for your supply.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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