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Thread: Reaching the end of my rope :(

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Bonaire, GA
    Posts
    3

    Default Reaching the end of my rope :(

    Help! My LO is a month old today, and BF has been a nightmare from the beginning. Charlotte was born full term via C/S and my requests to nurse immediately in the OR or recovery were ignored by hospital staff. When she was finally brought to me an hour and a half after she was born, the recovery nurse handed me my baby, grabbed my breast and shoved it in Charlotte's face. She kept trying to force my nipple into Charlotte's mouth for the next ten minutes, then proclaimed I had flat nipples and she couldn't help me :/. When I was moved to the PP floor, the same nurse brought formula to the room and informed me that since I was "unable to nurse", I would have to FF. My plan had been to EBF, so out of the gate I was discouraged from doing so. I did refuse the formula at first and continued to try to nurse, but Charlotte just would not latch. She screamed...violently and repeatedly, so much so that the new mother in the room next door complained about the noise and demanded I "shut that baby up" (yes, her exact words, as I could hear her through the wall). Because of that, the nurse threatened to take my daughter to the nursery against my wishes and FF her if I did not do it. I was still looped out on painkillers and exhausted after the emergency C/S that followed 25 hours of all-natural labor, and I was afraid of the repercussions of arguing further, so I agreed :/. She ate like a champ and was perfectly content afterward. This continued the entire stay in the hospital, as the nurses were mostly pro-FF for the ease of it, and the LC wasn't available to talk to me for days after Charlotte was born. She wasn't much help, either--showed me the football hold, gave me a nipple shield, got Charlotte to latch once and left it at that.

    Since we came home, we've been FFing more than nursing, sadly, because Charlotte continues to have trouble with nursing. She screams and cries so hard and so loudly that she is physically incapable of latching at times. She completely refuses the left breast and will only occasionally latch on the right with the nipple shield. She gets absolutely hysterical...to the point the she kicks, punches, even forces her head back and away from my breast. Her screams are nearly bloodcurdling, and I can't stand to hear and see her like that. It breaks my heart, but I'm thisclose to throwing in the towel because it is too hard to try to force her to do something she obviously does not want to do. I cry over it every day. She eats great from the bottle, so I pump and supplement with formula, and she's healthy and gaining. Her ped has no idea why she reacts the way she does, and neither do I. Getting her to latch is often a two to four person job...I hold my breast while others hold and position my child. We've tried every position known to man to no avail. I've talked to my local LLL leader and she has come to my house to help. When she's here and she, my husband and I all work at it, after 30 minutes Charlotte will latch and nurse for 5-10 minutes before she pulls off and starts fighting again. I just don't know what else to do. I can't imagine continuing to put my sweet baby through what looks like incredible torture.

    Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I'm devastated but almost ready to give up.
    Bria (32) & Thomas (29) Married since 9/18/10

    Princess Charlotte Grace born 6/23/12!

    Three precious furbabies: Sam (8), Joy (5) and Emma (4)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/child/back-to-breast/ is a list of useful suggestions

    Have you seen an IBCLC?
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Bonaire, GA
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    The LC at the hospital is the only one in my area, and if I remember correctly, she is not an IBCLC. (I could be wrong.) She was useless, anyway, so for sure I wouldn't ask her for help again! I'll search for an IBCLC and read that list in the meantime.

    Thank you!
    Bria (32) & Thomas (29) Married since 9/18/10

    Princess Charlotte Grace born 6/23/12!

    Three precious furbabies: Sam (8), Joy (5) and Emma (4)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,334

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    Dr. Jack Newman suggests that A baby who WILL not nurse probably CAN NOT nurse. The question is why. I strongly urge you to see a private practice IBCLC with experience with working with babies this age, breast fighting and baby refusing to latch. If possible, call a few and talk to them, find one you feel confident in and comfortable with. This should be an entirely different experience than what happened with your hospital based LC. unfortunately hospital based LCs do not usually have time to deal with anything beyond the basics.
    I agree kellymom article above has great ideas, also try laid back positioning/biological nurturing and make sure you are offering the breast or giving baby access to the breast when baby is CALM, not hungry. Comfort nursing often comes first when there has been breast refusal.

    If the nipple shield works, use it.

    Have you been pumping with a hospital grade rented pump? If baby cannot exclusively nurse, frequent pumping with the appropriate type of pump is necessary to bring in and maintain milk supply while you work on encouraging baby to nurse.

    A month old baby is incapable of wanting to nurse or not wanting to nurse. She is not consciously rejecting you or your breasts. She has been taught to see bottles as her source of food, so she equated bottles with comfort. But her instincts are to nurse at the breast. This is why comfort nursing/offering when baby is calm or asleep/sleepy/just waking can often help-it awakes that dormant suckling instinct. I know it is hard but try not to feel rejected or as if baby does not 'want' to nurse. That is just not the case.
    “Laid back” breastfeeding: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfeeding.pdf and http://www.biologicalnurturing.com/ (watch the video on the BN site as well, see the “for mothers” drop down menu-, nice info on feeding cues & shows how a baby can sleep on mom and cue in sleep.)

    Other nursing positions including side-lying: http://www.llli.org/faq/positioning.html

    Feeding cues: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...eding_cues.pdf


    And when you feel up to it, I suggest you file a formal complaint detaling how you were mistreated & undermined in the hospital. Malpractice, imo.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    orange.county.ca
    Posts
    110

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    I have a very long saga that I will spare you... I am a new mom with a 5 week old who has tongue tie and upper lip tie... I have relatively flat nipples and a shortage of mammary glands that prevents me from exclusively breastfeeding.... but I still feed ALL feedings at the breast using a supplementary nursing system. Its a major pain to do, but I had an awful experience with bottle feeding and a pacifier- creating terrible nipple confusion and fighting and refusal. Granted I did not ever have enough milk... but I was adamant about feeding from the breast as it means the world to me and it continues to stimulate supply which you need. I pump every 3rd hour and feed the baby inbetween with my milk and then formula. I use a temporary use medela SNS and its pretty crappy so I 'll be ordering the long term kit soon that holds more. I suggest you start nursing at the breast and get away from the bottles if you can since they work quite differently. My son does well at the breast even with tongue tie and his terrible chomping motion. I only produce 11oz a day that I can measure but its all worth it to me.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Middle of nowhere in Ohio
    Posts
    121

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    I do not have any advice since the PP pretty much covered everything. I want to add that you are doing such a great job with the odds stacked against you. You are to be commended. Don't give up! It is sooooo worth it! s
    Passed my CLC exam!

    Mother of 3: 12-25-04 12-3-07 1-13-2011

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    orange.county.ca
    Posts
    110

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    I second the need to file a complaint about your hospital treatment. That is ridiculous. I definately think you need to at least review the hospital online so others know what to expect. If you want more children, please deliver somewhere else...I would be so stressed out going back to that environment.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    140

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    No useful tips sorry.

    I agree you need to file a full on complaint. Actually what I would do is says nothing just yet, get all your records through the medical records department (they must do this) first. You need the records to get her name and see how she charted all this. THEN File a complaint with JCAHO (joint commission), your state legislative body over hospitals, your state nursing board for her license and finally to the hospitals patient advocate. And if in a position to do so, screw with them by making them think you will bring charges civil and criminal. Neither will stick, too much she said she said but if you have the friends to do it I would.

    What you described is disgraceful and down right illegal. I work in healthcare, and closely with NICU staff. They can't even give formula if mom doesn't ok it to a NICU baby! She was so out of line. I'm outraged for you! And someone should have told that other mom tough titties babies cry if yours doesn't yet better get ready!

    Not that any of that will help you with your BFing. I really wish I could help with that more. But you got a great start here. The women on here are such a good resource. I'm for you!
    Married to the best husband ever since Nov 2009
    DS born 1/7/12 at 36 wks after PROM and Gestational diabetes happy and healthy ~

    Taking it one day at a time.

    Currently and !!!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,334

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*missbriarita View Post
    The LC at the hospital is the only one in my area, and if I remember correctly, she is not an IBCLC. (I could be wrong.) She was useless, anyway, so for sure I wouldn't ask her for help again! I'll search for an IBCLC and read that list in the meantime.

    Thank you!
    Oh I missed this when I posted. OK, here is where to look up IBCLC's. This is a professional organization an IBCLC can join or not join, not all IBCLC's are on here, they have to pay to be listed on here. If you cannot find one locally, I wonder of there are any who will see you via Skype if that is an option for you. Most of the LCs in my area will travel to moms but of course then it costs more. http://www.ilca.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3901

    And here is the IBCLC certifying agency. http://iblce.org/ If you are not happy with an IBCLC, I believe you can lodge a complaint here.

    If the hospital is offering lactation services but that person is NOT an IBCLC, and you are unhappy with their service, that should be complained about too. Actually even if the person is an IBCLC and offered poor or incomplete service that needs to be addressed as well. Unfortunately, often hospitals do offer “lactation services” but from folks who are not certified as IBCLCs and/or they hire people who have the right clinical training & certification but then put them under such time constraints it is impossible for the person to do a proper job.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Reaching the end of my rope :(

    I'm a FTM and working on my own BFing issues; so i'm not an expert, but lots of skin to skin time helped with some of my issues. Go topless or braless if possible and have baby in her diaper. Lay her on your chest while you watch TV or take a quick nap and just relax. If she starts to root around, maybe she'll try to feed. If nothing else, you just had some bonding time. Baby gets to listen to your heartbeat and smelll her mama.

    Good Luck!! Don't give up!!!

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