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Thread: embarrassing question

  1. #11
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    yeah, i thoguth about it some more and I think partly it is his humour - he loves to pull my leg with outrageous stories of what supposedly happended in day care or supposedly is permitted there or what was served for lunch (snails and worms sauce is a favourite). Actually also i think sometimes he covers his embarrassement at discovering that he is doing something I do not approve of by saying but we do it at day care.
    but i do plan to ask them but now we are on holiday. i think what he is talking about is that at day care he and his mates frequently go and pee together, which then i assume can evolve into playing (who aims farther kind of competitions). as i know the care givers quite well i think they would tell me if there was a problem but when we return i plan to speak to them. also this is only the fourth week he is without diapers (his choice and i am celebrating!! he does great and we have virtually had no accidents at all) and it roughly coincides with when the penis play during nursing began - obviously access is easier without a diaper.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Oh yes, my son got obsessed with his junk as soon as he was out of diapers. It's faded a bit (for now ), but we also did as the others suggested and said it was okay to do it, but he needed to do it in private.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
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  3. #13
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*manitobamommy View Post
    I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with it - it has nothing to do with your nursing him, except in that it's probably two activities he engages in because they are comforting. That said, it is reasonable for you to set limits and say he can't do that while nursing.
    This exactly. I want to remind you that it's NOT sexual for your child. But it's fine to set that limit. In the same way you'd teach him not to masturbate at the dinner table. In this situation consider yourself similar to the dinner table. NOT a good palce to mastubate but a place a guy will if left to his own devices, but NOT an object of sexual desire.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #14
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    We often left DS out of diapers to air out periodically through the day, from maybe 8 months or so. He sometimes touched himself while nursing even then. It's not sexual, and not a sign you've nursed too long. Just two comforting things together.

    Now, I guess I'm a bit of a hippie, but I have no problem with DS touching his own body, especially not at home with just us. It's normal and not a big deal. Just to offer another perspective, I don't think it's necessary to make self-touching an "in your room only" thing at that age. I try to go out of my way to be sure that DS isn't shamed about self-touching, and doesnt feel like his body is dirty or bad. I recognize that is not how I was raised, and I want to do differently with DS. Do you think you were raised to believe that parts of your body were bad, dirty, not to be spoken of? Might that be contributing to your discomfort now?
    First-time mom to Little Manatee (1/7/2010)

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  5. #15
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*manatee View Post
    We often left DS out of diapers to air out periodically through the day, from maybe 8 months or so. He sometimes touched himself while nursing even then. It's not sexual, and not a sign you've nursed too long. Just two comforting things together.

    Now, I guess I'm a bit of a hippie, but I have no problem with DS touching his own body, especially not at home with just us. It's normal and not a big deal. Just to offer another perspective, I don't think it's necessary to make self-touching an "in your room only" thing at that age. I try to go out of my way to be sure that DS isn't shamed about self-touching, and doesnt feel like his body is dirty or bad. I recognize that is not how I was raised, and I want to do differently with DS. Do you think you were raised to believe that parts of your body were bad, dirty, not to be spoken of? Might that be contributing to your discomfort now?
    Dude. It has NOTHING to do with dirty or bad. It has to do with teaching appropriate boundaries. You don't masturbate at the dinner table. Not because it's dirty or bad but because that's not the time or the place. It's the same thing. Nursing is not something people do alone. If the mother is uncomfortable with her child masturbating WHILE eating, whether at the table or at the breast it's fine to put that boundary in place. And work at it. Because like it or not pulling your penis out when anyone OTHER than your mother and father is home is NOT COOL and makes other people uncomfortable. Telling someone they should learn to self touch with no audience is NOT shaming. It's teaching an appropriate boundary.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #16
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Dude. It has NOTHING to do with dirty or bad. It has to do with teaching appropriate boundaries. You don't masturbate at the dinner table. Not because it's dirty or bad but because that's not the time or the place. It's the same thing. Nursing is not something people do alone. If the mother is uncomfortable with her child masturbating WHILE eating, whether at the table or at the breast it's fine to put that boundary in place. And work at it. Because like it or not pulling your penis out when anyone OTHER than your mother and father is home is NOT COOL and makes other people uncomfortable. Telling someone they should learn to self touch with no audience is NOT shaming. It's teaching an appropriate boundary.
    We tell my almost 5 year old to keep penis play to his room all the time. I don't feel like it's shaming him, but I do feel like he absolutely needs to learn the time and the place for those sorts of activities. There are all kinds of things that kids have to learn to do in appropriate places. I only let the kids eat at the table, but not all over the house. They need to pee and poop in the toilet and not on the living room couch. Am I shaming them about eating or pooping? No, I am simply teaching them about appropriate circumstances to do certain things. If I told him never to play with his penis because it's bad, that would be shaming him.
    Beth

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  7. #17
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Thank you all again for the input,and for pointing out the humour. I have now had some time to think following my first shock and try and find something I am comfortable with. When I first posted my question I was very scared but not any more. thank you so much for the much needed reassurance, i can see now that he simply does it for the added comfort. I think it was really triggered by him being now wthout diapers all the time, and also by recently realising he has a penis and girls do not.

    I am very grateful to all posters who pointed out that it is not a sexual or erotic issue, which I can now see for myself, but more a "manners" issue.
    And the fact remains that I am uncomfortable if he bf and caresses himself at the same time. The issue I can compare it most to is that he used to want to masage my other nipple while bf and I was so uncomfortable with that (not only from pain) that I taught him to play with my elbow folds instead.

    @manatee: thank you for your concern, but no, i was not raised to consider my body dirty, in fact my parents were sort of hippies themselves, certainly very liberal bohemian lifestyle artists, especially my mother had and has very liberal views on sex education. Nudity was not an issue at all, it was not dirty either. But then it was not an issue of touching my genitals while breast feeding (I was weaned at 6 months).

    I do want him to know what is socially acceptable because I grew up with a very strong sense of "our family is different and proud of it" and I actually hated being different once I became concious of how others lived (around age 7 or 8). So I agree in principle with those posters who compare it to manners at the dinner table. But then it is not the dinner table but he is falling asleep - so not a good moment for raising any issues. And as he does it to fall asleep, I cant really insist he should not do it, I would not tell him to not do it if he was not bf. I think i will get him his own bed next to mine for his 4th birthday so that he can be doing as he likes there.
    I do now tell him to stop or go into another room if he plays with himself at other occasions: at the pool for example, then I feel justified with telling him to stop. The really funny thing is I now noticed a few times how often men unconciously scratch their privates! (eg in the cue in a shop, and I am sure it was not a sex thing only a habitual scratch they would be embarrassed about if it as pointed out)

    I have tried for several days to tell him to do it in prvate but actually now have stopped saying anything at all, as it does not work well because my son and I cosleep (his dad in another room) so where should he go and i do not want to give it an undue importance by constantly addressing the issue. I find do not really want him to go to our bedroom to play with his penis - I think if I did enforce that he would think it was more important than it is.

    So right now I jsut let it go and the only thing I do is ask him if he wants to use my elbow (without adding instead of your own penis) to knead, and he sometimes switches. I tried a cuddly toy bt as he never so far had any interest in cuddly toys or other subsitute security objects it was not succesful.

    thanky again for the support

  8. #18
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    I just wanted to share that I found out what this was all about - at least why he was so persistent in playing with his genitals. He had an itchy sore in the spot between the scrotum and the penis in the folds so I did not see it at first. I only became aware of it when after a while it became larger and was visible also on top of the penis. Now that we have been able to cure the sore he hardly ever fondles himself anymore

  9. #19
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    thanks for sharing this - none of us thought to consider a medical explanation!!!!

  10. #20
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    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Yeah, we all went with the "boys just love their junk" explanation!

    Glad you figured out what was going on.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

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