Night time weaning

[@llli*kst.7399]

I am exhausted. D is still up in the middle of the night. I can't count how many times because really it's one long time. I am small breasted so nursing while laying down is not easy at all. I have to contort my body and after about an hour need to move. Plus, D has the worst latch and his pacifier latch can be downright painful. I get to the point where I want to run from the room screaming. But if I take the nipple out of his mouth he goes ballistic. My husband has tried to take him in another room to sooth him so I can get some sleep, but he just screams and screams. He will be two in September. What do I do? I've heard of others being successful at night weaning. I don't even mind nursing him in the middle of the night, but I don't want to be a pacifier because I can't sleep twisted up like that. So if he would just nurse, let me unlatch him and then just cuddle I'd be fine. Suggestions please. I'm getting sick every two weeks from getting 4 hours of broken sleep at night.

[@llli*mommy2lilah]

Kim - there is that Jay Gordon plan, I'm sure you can find the link. We night-weaned Lilah over a period of about 3 months when I was pregnant with Trixie - could have gone faster, I think - but what we did was - my DH took over bedtime. It was hard. There were lots of tears. I had to force myself to not go in there. But after about a week, she would happily run off with Daddy for bedtime. He used a cartoon before books as the carrot - and she was 20ish months old when we did that. She started sleeping in a 6 hour chunk at the beginning of the night after that. It took me over 2 hours to get her to sleep - it took him an hour or less, with 15 minutes of cartoons, 15 to 20 minutes of reading her books - and then he would read his book aloud to himself while she fell asleep. After several months he was able to leave the room at the end of her books and she would go to sleep on her own. I think that 3 months after he started bedtime, he took over the whole night and she was just fine with Daddy giving her water or whatever instead of Mommy nursing.

[@llli*scienceteachermommy]

Here is the link for Dr. Gordon's night weaning plan. With my LO, it took night weaning to get him to (mostly) STTN. Before that he was sleeping better if I put him back in his crib (which is in our room) after I nursed him.

[@llli*kst.7399]

Thanks, I just read the article. I don't get how you can bed share and not breastfeed in the middle of the night. D isn't having it. We've tried water and he just wants to suckle. It has nothing to do with liquids. Unfortunately he would never take a pacifier.

[@llli*manitobamommy]

The "send daddy in" method combined with Jay Gordon worked really well for DS at an early age, but has been a total failure with DD (#2), and she's three in a few weeks. There are a lot of factors in getting night weaning happening, and some of it is your child's personality/needs. I don't think there is a magic bullet, unfortunately (if you find one, PLEASE let me know). If things are REALLY not working with the status quo, then you just have to muscle through it and not take no for an answer. The philosophy of the Jay Gordon method is that a toddler doesn't NEED to nurse at night, but only WANTS to. I am finding with my second child that the NEED/WANT issue is not totally disentangleable (there are some signs she suffers from mild night terrors). On the bright side, she really is FINALLY starting to accept it when I set limits - but that's at the age of almost three. Sorry, I think that turned into a not-very-helpful reply. I guess my point is, it's a negotiation between mom and child based on individual needs.

[@llli*scienceteachermommy]

Thanks, I just read the article. I don't get how you can bed share and not breastfeed in the middle of the night. D isn't having it. We've tried water and he just wants to suckle. It has nothing to do with liquids. Unfortunately he would never take a pacifier.

I, truthfully, didn't get that either. Right now DS2 sleeps in his crib until he wakes up, usually some time between 5 and 6, nurses, and then falls back asleep until we get up. He is a thumb sucker, so as long as he feels he is done nursing, he will stop comfort sucking.

[@llli*kst.7399]

No, that is helpful and I'm realistic in that I might not get an answer. Maybe it's just partly whining and wanting to hear others have gone through the same thing. I don't know anyone IRL that nurses past a year and few have had "bad sleepers". And honestly I wouldn't call him a bad sleeper, I only said that because that's the association. I have been trying to set limits lately, which might not be fair to him because I just went back to work 6 weeks ago. He had slept through the night a handful of times before I went back to work and has since been attached to the boob. And I understand his needs. I feel bad about needing to set boundaries. But I need to figure out how to compromise with a two year old. Because I also need sleep.

[@llli*mommy2lilah]

Kim, I don't know how the mom night-weans, I really don't. I'm not there with Trixie - she sleeps 2 to 3 hours every time and that is good enough for me, especially since I cosleep with her after her first night-waking. A friend of mine did it with her daughter around 18 months. She told her that they would nurse again when the sun came up. She talked with her about it for a couple weeks before-hand, that soon they were going to nurse when it is bedtime and then not again until the sun came up. It took about a week, but she felt like it was easier for her to remember that one rule - no nursing until the sun came up - it was more concrete than until 5 am, or whatever - and she coslept with her the whole time. It's not as gentle as the Jay Gordon method, but it may make more sense than the Gordon method to you in the middle of the night.

[@llli*mommy2lilah]

Have you tried a pacifier again?

[@llli*kst.7399]

I have tried a pacifier. He laughs at it. Seriously, he doesn't even want to nurse. He just wants to suckle. And he will not accept cuddles in return. I have waited an hour until he falls asleep and he freaks out as soon as I take the nipple out of his mouth. I'm weird, even if I'm exhausted I have a hard time falling back to sleep. It's like my body thinks I took a nap and I'm done. So staying up an hour while he nurses means the end of sleep for me. And I can't fall back to sleep while he gnaws on my nipple and my arm is asleep over my head and my back all twisted up so my tiny boob can reach his mouth. Although he will happily crawl over me to get to my boob, it's hard to breath that way. My husband is willing to do it but I can't let him cry, even if he's in my husbands arms.