Writing again now for moral support
Went to my local LC (works with my ob office) on Wednesday and she wasn't sure it was thrush. So she got us back started with tandem feeds with beautiful latches which made me feel great, It didn't hurt to terribly, though I still had the same nipple sensitivity that I've been fighting with this entire time. Before this I had tried to put babies to breast once a day to keep them from totally forgetting the breast because I never had any intention of exclusively pumping, it just kind of worked out that way.
So off we went home and about 4 feedings in, with beautiful latches the entire time, I was in tears, my nipple were crushed, I have a blister, one was bleeding and both were purple and scabby at the tips and supremely and excruciatingly sensitive to any touch, even just cloth. I tried to tough it out for another 4 feedings before breaking (I mean full uncontrollable sobbing, screaming, cursing, stamping my feet on the floor breaking while trying to feed the babies) and giving them a bottle. And now it's too painful to even pump. I see the LC Friday at 2. I just don't know what to do in the mean time and I'm living in terror that she's going to make me latch the babies again at her office. I hate to not pump, I know it's sabotaging my supply, and I hate giving the babies formula.
So right now my husband is frustrated with me because he took 2.5 days off work to help get these babies back on the breast 100% and we're obviously not making progress. I'm frustrated with me, I don't know what's wrong. Never had issues like this with the first 2 pregnancies. The pain is through the roof, I'd gladly take another 3 hours of deep uterine massage over this pain! And now I'm supremely gun shy, I can put the pump parts on my breasts but I can't bring myself to turn the nob, It's like asking a person on death row to flip the switch on their own electric chair. If the LC asks me to latch the babies tomorrow I'm probably going to cry right there in her office. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this with my sanity intact.