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Thread: cosleeping

  1. #1

    Default cosleeping

    Hi. My lo is 14 months old. We are still bfing. She sleeps with me and my husband sleeps in another room. He can't sleep well with us since she has gotten bigger and we have a Queen and seems small for us. We intend to keep cosleeping but want to find a better solution. Also, I feel guilty leaving her alone after she is asleep and usually just fall asleep when she goes to bed. I'm also very tired and need the sleep. I work full time and take care of her full time at night and on the weekends. My husband is a SAHD and is with her all day. My husband wants to spend more time with me at night, like watching a movie, etc. I'm just too tired and feel that a movie is not more important than getting enough rest. Also, I absolutely have no sexual desire for him at all. I haven't started my periods yet so I am not having a cycle. I certainly don't want to leave her sleeping alone for that, it feels very selfish. Are these normal feelings? Will I ever feel a desire for him again? How do others get in romantic time if you are cosleepers? Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    52

    Default Re: cosleeping

    My period returned when my LO was 13 months. Before then, sex was somewhat painful which didn't help my drive. Now that AF has returned, my drive has gotten better and it doesn't hurt anymore. I understand the feelings of guilt around leaving your LO to make time with your husband. But the best thing you can do for your child is to model a happy and close relationship with her father. Instead of seeing this time with your husband as less time with your LO, try to see it as a time to reconnect with your husband and keep your marriage (and therefore family) safe and fulfilling. We get our intimate time together in the guest room or sometimes my husband will set up a blanket in the living room for us. We co-sleep as well. About 6 months ago we made the decision to purchase a king size bed so that we can all fit. We couldn't afford it but we also both felt that it was important to do what we could do to sleep in the same room. My husband doesn't sleep with us every night (because sometimes his snoring won't let anyone sleep) but he still feels like it's his bed too. Is it possible to get a bigger bed?
    Mom to TRH born 2/16/11 - 8lbs 7oz., 21in.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    264

    Default Re: cosleeping

    I completely understand what you are going through. My husband has never wanted to co sleep but doesn't argue with me about doing it. I let him keep our bed and I sleep with my 3 year old in his room. I do at this age have more of a sex drive although not what it used to be. I think once he weans it will be more normal. Still, I leave his room after he is asleep and spend a few hours of quality time with my husband and then when my son wakes up around 11:30 to nurse (yes still doing that at 3 but its okay!) I fall asleep with my little guy. It isn't perfect I guess but it works for us. My husband and I did ahave some issues with me falling asleep at 8 and not spending time with him so this works. I did the same thing with my daughter and she is now 13. Everything turned out fine then as well. She started sleeping alone at age 4.


    my name is Sarah mother to
    Alana 12/31/98
    Conner 5/30/09

    Breastfeeding 3 years and counting!

    Potty trained at 2 but kind of miss those cute CD's!

    "Of all the rights of women, the greastest is to be a mother." Lin Yutang

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: cosleeping

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*trh610 View Post
    But the best thing you can do for your child is to model a happy and close relationship with her father.
    I think this is really important. You need to find a way to make a little time for your husband too. Maybe not every night, but at least a couple times a week you need to plan some alone time with him. He loves you just as your baby loves you, and he needs to know that you love him.

    I start my son out in his crib when he first goes down at night so that I can get some things done and spend time with my husband. Then I take him to our bed after the first time he wakes at night. This has been working extremely well for all of us. On weekends/days off we make with the loving during nap time. I was super uninterested in sex for a very long time, but my husband needed it and had been waiting very patiently for a good while so I slowly started giving it up. I found the more I made time to get intimate with him, the more I started enjoying it again myself. It's difficult at first, but if you give it time you'll find your groove again.

    I also have a king size bed and I love it. We all get to snuggle together at night, which I think is really wonderful.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  5. #5

    Default Re: cosleeping

    Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. I think purchasing a king bed would be a good idea. Do you guys have the mattress on the floor? We have our Queen on the floor. Any suggestions on a good mattress brand? Thanks.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    52

    Default Re: cosleeping

    All 3 of us went to the furniture store and laid in the bed to see how it would be. Check 3 things. 1.) Is it the right firmness for your liking. 2.) Have your husband get in and out of bed and roll over to see if it causes movement or your side. 3.) Have your child lay on her side like she would while breastfeeding and you lay on your side to make sure it will be a comfortable position for you both. The only way to pick one out is to try them out! A somewhat firm mattress with a little bit of a memory foam feel worked best for us. We just love our new bed! Good luck!
    Mom to TRH born 2/16/11 - 8lbs 7oz., 21in.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Puyallup, WA
    Posts
    164

    Default Re: cosleeping

    We JUST bought a king bed and it did wonders for our sleep. We've co-slept since day one. Some nights my LO will sleep in his bed for 4-6 hours then come to our bed. Other nights he's in there with us all night. Having the extra room in the king bed has helped with more sleep because my son falls asleep on his own in our bed. That way I sneak in later at night and he doesn't want to nurse as much. I don't mind night nursing, but it's nice to get solid sleep. I recommend a bigger bed whole heartedly. Good luck to you mama! :
    Married to my superman 4-26-08
    Mommy to Landon 1-29-2010, who nursed for 4 years!
    Mommy to DD Sadie born May 2nd, 2014 and nursing like a champ!


    We all love and

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,767

    Default Re: cosleeping

    with getting a king. And not a "california" king, get the real one.

    I really do not think co-sleeping is a big barrier to romance, plenty of couples I know who co-sleep seem to have no problems in that dept. It's the stress of newish motherhood and exhaustion and yes, breastfeeding to a degree, that kills the libido.

    I remember reading something Dr. Sears wrote about "outsmarting the baby" when it comes to couples getting alone time. My husband and I would put baby to sleep safely in our room and go somewhere else to be together, if you get my drift. It was like a game, to try to get it done so to speak before baby woke, it was fun and silly and made us closer. Variety is the spice of life.

    As far as desire, sometimes you just have to jumpstart it rather than waiting around to feel something. If you need a little help with lubrication, plenty of products for that. As far as sleep, a little quality time with your husband will probably be shorter than the average movie (if not I don’t want to hear about it lol) so could actually lead to more sleep and I am sure more satisfaction all around.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    MN
    Posts
    47

    Default Re: cosleeping

    we got a king bed just before our DD was born so that all three of us can co sleep. Also, we got the sleep number bed so that we can adjust the firmness to our convenience.

    ETA: just being curious..... i have read some posts mentioning family bed, is it the same as a king bed?
    Last edited by @llli*aditismum; July 16th, 2012 at 12:15 PM.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    139

    Default Re: cosleeping

    We just got a king not to long ago and love it! Although I put up a big fight about it and still won't admit to DH he was right It's on the floor. I also agree that sometime your desire needs a jump start. I haven't really been into sex since DS came along and DH is way too sweet to complain but he is a man I know he wants to. So, I try my best to occasionally act and be approachable about it. I'm never really all that into it to begin with but once we get things rolling it gets better and afterwards I'm always glad I put in the effort regardless of outcome for me. I like knowing DH is happier so this is not a chore for me. I have experienced some pain and dryness but that is what KY was made for. And we have frequented the guest bedroom, but also sometimes stayed in the room if he was safely sleeping somewhere besides the bed. He has never budged an inch.
    Married to the best husband ever since Nov 2009
    DS born 1/7/12 at 36 wks after PROM and Gestational diabetes happy and healthy ~

    Taking it one day at a time.

    Currently and !!!

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