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Thread: bonding

  1. #1

    Default bonding

    So I know that by BF my son is good for so many things most of all our bond. I would like to know what you all think on this. My husband is in the military when he deployed I moved from Germany back to have my son in the states. Where I would have family support and what not. Our son is now 5 months old and has yet to meet our son. He is should be back home state side for good in a couple of months. I was thinking about pumping between feeds to build up a store of milk and a week or 2 before my husband comes home get my son used to a bottle so once my husband is home he can try to take over a feed or 2 in hopes to help them get some type of bond going. I know that if I do I really will miss that time I had with my son but I know its important for them to get time in as well so its worth it. Do you all think it sounds good and might help with there bond or ehh ?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,501

    Default Re: bonding

    At this point, IMO, it's more important for your baby to have a strong and reliable bond with you than it is to begin bonding with your DH over feedings. What I mean is, your lo may object to being fed by your DH rather than by you (not to say you can't at least try it), and if he does it's better that you go ahead and respond tohis need to nurse than to insist that he bond in this way with your DH. Your DH can bond with your son simply by playing with him, holding him, reading to him, changing his diaper, and so forth. Let feeding time be "your" time, and your son will grow into a toddler/child knowing that he can trust you to be reliable and consistent with meeting his need for nourishment.
    ~Sylvia~

    Wife to Nick, m. May 2005

    Mommy to Gabriel (b. January 2007, 8lbs. 15oz.), nursed 18 months.

    Isaac (b. August 2009, 9lbs. 1oz- naturally), nursed 22 months, through PPD/PPA and emergency gallbladder surgery.

    and Corban (b. March 2012, 11lbs. 6Oz.- naturally in the water), my NICU baby, still nursing strong at age 2!


    Daughter of God

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    17,423

    Default Re: bonding

    I disagree. And I don't think you will be giving up much at all. At 5 weeks I started pumping once a day in the am when most women yield the most so that my DH could do one feeding a day. And that bottle came with 2 hours of Freedom. Every night. Because 22hours a day is ENOUGH. And it was the best decision we ever made as a new 3 person family. Every day after dinner I would hand him over and do whatever I wanted. Watch TV, read a book, Take a shower, TAKE A NAP. (which was important right before nighttime marathon cluster feeds.) So I want to fully encourage to pump once a day. One bottle. And Start with one hour if need be since they don't know each yet. And then move up to two! You have been single parenting for long enough. 2hour a day of freedom really helped keep me balanced and it definitely helped with their bond.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    Landof2toddlers, Oregon
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    3,113

    Default Re: bonding

    I personally wouldnt pump. I hate the pump. I dont respond well to the pump. And to be perfectly honest I found using a milking machine when my baby was around a thoroughly depressing experience (it was just annoying when I was at work for some reason). Yourbaby will be over 6 months when his dad comes back. At that age they can have a couple of hours together without you without you needing to pump. Tank up before you/they go and nurse before you/they get back (wake up if you take a nap). Daddy can help with solids. Daddy can do everything but nurse. Maybe daddy can take over bathtime or something as a bonding experience.

    In my experience pumps suck (haha). So I would say dont do it.
    proud but exhausted working mammy to two high needs babies

    • my surprise baby: the one and only D-Man born 3 weeks late (5/5/08) at 9 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches, and
    • the shock H-Girl born about a week late (10/7/09) at 8lbs 15oz and 20.75 inches.


    If I am here I am covered in baby (probably two) and fighting for control of the keyboard.

    Family beds are awesome

    Wondering if you have PPD? Take the screening and see your doctor. You deserve to feel better.

  5. #5

    Default Re: bonding

    I think my sons bond is very strong with me. We from birth have been tied at the hip for the first 3 months we did co-sleeping until 3 months he no longer would fall asleep so he was moved to his crib in my room with in reach. We nurse on demand for as long as he wishes. We even showered together the only times my son was not touching me in some way was short car rides to get his sister the 1 time a day I would ask my mom to hold him well I would get the cloth diapers ready and in the washer and we started tummy time when he was 1 month old as a way for him to spend a little time with his older sister granted at first that would last a couple mins and slowly got longer.Anyways I know there are other ways for them to bond but there that special feeling of just looking down at your child as you feed them how they look back at you that just seems magical. I have explained to my husband at first his son might want nothing to do with him he might start crying with in seconds of hold him that I would end up taking him back right away since I cant stand to see him in distress. So same would go for feeding for me if he refuses to take the bottle from my husband and fusses I would have no issues taking over nursing him. I am as one of moms who the second my son starts to fuss or even cry I am picking him up. I didnt mean to make it sound like I would force my son to bond I do want them to bond but it will be on my sons terms. I just feel torn I enjoy my time breast feeding I love how it feels when I watch my son eat and he looks back at me but I also want to give my husband a chance to know how that feels to hold your child close to you and just watch them eat and them look back at you.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    6,467

    Default Re: bonding

    My husband lives with me and I pumped for when DS was at daycare and my DH still never fed our son until he was about 10 months old and it was a sippy of BM when I worked at night. He has a different bond with our boys than do I as their mother. Both my boys bond with DH in other ways, laying in bed together, rocking them to sleep, bath time, playing outside, etc. My point is that although that connection you feel feeding your baby is super strong, IMHO, that connection is between a mom and baby regardless, DH can never duplicate it...but he doesn't have to, he should find his own special bond, his way of parenting and it should be/ doesn't have to be how you bond.


    That said at 6 months if you want to have a small freezer stash in case you want to go to coffee with friends, shopping, etc. is a great idea, just remember. You should still pump for missed feeds.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    860

    Default Re: bonding

    your DH will have so much adjusting to do when he comes home.
    He will have to adjust to being a new dad.
    he will look to you for his cues on how to hold and comfort the baby.
    i would not muddle up his one on one time his son by the added pressure of feeding him.
    let them fall in love the way fathers through out all generations have done. By holding and comforting and lulling and rocking.
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,796

    Default Re: bonding

    I think expressing some milk for bottles is a very sweet idea. I don't know that it's necessarily something that's going to work as expected, though. Baby may not like the bottle, or may not like being fed by dad instead of mom- babies are often particularly resistant to bottle-feeding when mom is in the room or in the house, because baby is generally quite aware that "the real thing" is close by and does not understand why he can't have it! And with a 5 month old, bottle-feeding may not be quite the lovely bonding experience you envision, since 5 month olds can be very distractible. I'm not saying don't do it- just that I wouldn't get too fixated on the idea, or too disappointed if it doesn't unfold as planned.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,710

    Default Re: bonding

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I think expressing some milk for bottles is a very sweet idea. I don't know that it's necessarily something that's going to work as expected, though. Baby may not like the bottle, or may not like being fed by dad instead of mom- babies are often particularly resistant to bottle-feeding when mom is in the room or in the house, because baby is generally quite aware that "the real thing" is close by and does not understand why he can't have it! And with a 5 month old, bottle-feeding may not be quite the lovely bonding experience you envision, since 5 month olds can be very distractible. I'm not saying don't do it- just that I wouldn't get too fixated on the idea, or too disappointed if it doesn't unfold as planned.
    It might take some time for both of them to adjust to each other, bottles or no bottles. Given your situation I don't think it would be harmful, and could work as you're thinking, as a catalyst for bonding (and as DJsmom points out - you could use a break after single-parenting this long!), but it might not. There are plenty of ways that dads bond with their babies without feeding (dressing, diapers, bathing, snuggling, playing), and those bonds can be just as meaningful.

    Best wishes on your reunion - you must be so excited!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,110

    Default Re: bonding

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sweetdarling1983 View Post
    I think my sons bond is very strong with me. We from birth have been tied at the hip for the first 3 months we did co-sleeping until 3 months he no longer would fall asleep so he was moved to his crib in my room with in reach. We nurse on demand for as long as he wishes. We even showered together the only times my son was not touching me in some way was short car rides to get his sister the 1 time a day I would ask my mom to hold him well I would get the cloth diapers ready and in the washer and we started tummy time when he was 1 month old as a way for him to spend a little time with his older sister granted at first that would last a couple mins and slowly got longer.Anyways I know there are other ways for them to bond but there that special feeling of just looking down at your child as you feed them how they look back at you that just seems magical. I have explained to my husband at first his son might want nothing to do with him he might start crying with in seconds of hold him that I would end up taking him back right away since I cant stand to see him in distress. So same would go for feeding for me if he refuses to take the bottle from my husband and fusses I would have no issues taking over nursing him. I am as one of moms who the second my son starts to fuss or even cry I am picking him up. I didnt mean to make it sound like I would force my son to bond I do want them to bond but it will be on my sons terms. I just feel torn I enjoy my time breast feeding I love how it feels when I watch my son eat and he looks back at me but I also want to give my husband a chance to know how that feels to hold your child close to you and just watch them eat and them look back at you.
    It is very clear you are a very attached mom, I don't think anyone doubted that. In my opinion pumping is annoying as it is but getting baby to take the bottle is even worse. At least that was my experience with DD1. I also wanted DH to feed her so he could bond, she never wanted the bottle and DH was very frustrated. Each of you will give your son a special bond, you, by nursing (and other things) him by, changing a diaper, bathing him, carrying him in a baby carrier, letting your DS to sleep on his chest, etc. I think, your DH will be very tired from his job and the least thing he will want is to come to a baby that doesn't want a bottle. Having said that, your DS might just take the bottle with no fuss but I agree with the other posters, he doesn't need that to see your DS's eyes while he eats. I find having my girls sleep on my chest the most amazing thing in the world.
    About being torn, that's something you'll have to decide for yourself, it's your decision, 1 or 2 feedings a day won't matter, you'll be fine. I find it too much work to have to pump.
    Either way, don't feel any guilt at all, if you decide to pump, it's perfectly fine and if you decide to just let your DH enjoy your DS in a different way, it's fine too

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