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Thread: many tears and frustration

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    VA
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    65

    Default many tears and frustration

    So my 3 week old is im assuming in a growth spurt. But also his latching has went to hell. As soon as i latch him he pulls away to a very shallow one and then wants to stay on me for 3-4 hours. If i put him down he cries roots sucks on his hands like he is starving. Which makes me wander if he is really hungry since i cant get him to keep a deep latch unless i force him to pretty much which makes me feel terrible because he fights it. Last night i was at my wits end and felt so defeated and worthless. My husband took him and i went and cried myself to sleep knowing they would be in within 30 minutes. Well my husband waited a hour and a half to bring him to me and he latched well and ate well then right to sleep he went. But i feel bad that my husband made him wait like we neglected him? My husbabd suggested to me this a.m. that maybe we should make him wait an hour or so before feeding him just because he fights it and i get upset. Is that ok or did/does anyone else do this or had to? I feel like since im at home all day with him its easiest to just respond with offering him the breast first but then have i made it harder to soothe him any other way now? Or have i misread him?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    415

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    You haven't made it any harder and there really is no issue with offering the breast! At the same time if he doesn't want the breast then as long as he's getting enough to eat then that's ok too!

    I wouldn't force a hungry baby to wait for milk, but it's fine to settle a grumpy baby in a different way, if you know what I mean?

    Your DH spending time with the baby isn't the same as neglect, if he shut him in a room on his own and left him screaming the house down then I would chat with DH about things to do with him instead of the above. But it doesn't sound like that was the case.

    If long/frequent feeds/baby still being hungry is an issue then feeding does need to be assessed... My DD was spending 16 ish hours a day in 24 latched and was still only gaining miming weight due to latch issues - which is why I write this proviso. But generally issues like this are the exception not the rule!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    VA
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    65

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    No my hubby does really well and is the least tired of the two of us when he gets home right now. So he takes him for the.evening so i can go lay in bed for a bit. He said that baby rooted a bit then just stopped and was content so im wandering if that is just something he does after he eats that doesnt necesarrily mean im hungry especially since he obviously rejected me. Haha i guess it just made me wander if he was not getting enough and thats why he still rooted or if its just something he does b/c he can smell me. Plus my hubby has his own little trick to see if he is hungry and it worked for him last night. I guess every othet time ive offered he took. So maybe he is going into a new phase that he doesnt. Who knows. 3 week olds are a mystery!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,926

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    Hi soblessed. We have tried to reassure you that your baby's behavior as you have described it sounds normal, but you continue to be concerned. I believe in mother instinct, so this suggests to me that maybe there really is a more serious breastfeeding issue going on, which I hope you will see an IBCLC about asap. I believe that was your plan? If there is a breastfeeding issue, you did not CAUSE it. And it is almost certainly fixable.

    Or else, or as well, perhaps we are simply not able to provide you entirely with the reassurance and emotional support you deserve. Online forums can be wonderful places for information and support, but sometimes moms need more. I am very concerned about you. It sounds like your husband is wonderful but apparently other family members are causing you lots of emotional pain. The early weeks post partum are an incredibly emotionally sensitive time for any mom, but sometimes there is more going on. Have you spoken to your doctor about the possibility of post partum depression?

    Also is there a local new mom/breastfeeding support group in your area? LLL or maybe a mommy and me at your hospital, etc? these can be lifesavers for new and overwhelmed moms.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    Actually my issues lie from when my other family members show doubt in me which leads me to doubting myself so im dealing with that as we speak. But thanks and never meant to bother anyone if thats what ive done. Me and mine are doing well hope yall have good holidays and good luck to the ftms!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    415

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    You aren't being a bother if family members are causing you doubts I think you may be need to be firm with them that you don't need negativity like that in your life atm. Or get your husband to do it for you!

    That said as Maddieb said if you are struggling with emotions it's good/necessary to reach out for support with that.

    Try to relax, rest and settle into motherhood
    Last edited by @llli*bsua65; December 11th, 2014 at 03:53 PM.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    Dear soblessed,- you are not bothering anyone, at least you are certainly not bothering me, and I doubt that you are bothering anyone else. Everyone on here who responds to questions does so voluntarily and wants to answer moms questions no matter what they are or how many they have. I was not in any way trying to suggest you are bothering anyone or that your feelings or concerns are not real and valid. In fact I was trying to say the opposite- that your concerns may be more valid than we can know at this remove, and you may may be helped by ALSO seeking in person help or support, as well as the forum, not instead.

    I am very glad you are dealing with the situation of unsupportive family members who have been causing you to doubt yourself.

    Tears, fears, and other intense feelings are very normal to a certain extent in the post partum period. But I feel I would be irresponsible to not suggest that sometimes there is more going on when a mom is feeling very overwhelmed. I have had post partum depression and anxiety myself. I have needed in person help myself. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I truly did not mean to offend you or make you feel worse.

  8. #8

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    Hi soblessed, I had a difficult time during the newborn period due to sleep deprivation and unsupportive family members who constantly questioned what I was doing (breastfeeding, cosleeping, holding the baby "too much "). I was confused as to whether I should listen to them or follow my instincts. I let them chip away at my self confidence. But then I did my research, constantly read the LLL forum and felt better about following my instincts. It made it much easier for me to shrug off unsolicited advice.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,371

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    You're definitely not bothering anyone! It's more that when we see a mom who seems to be experiencing a lot of anxiety over basically normal baby/breastfeeding issues, we get a bit concerned about her. We have a lot of moms with postpartum depression or anxiety issues come through this forum. Not saying that we're diagnosing you with those issues- we can't, this is the internet, and obviously all we know about you is what you post. Not a full picture by any means!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: many tears and frustration

    Hi ladies! Thanks for all the suggestions and support! Sorry i havent been on to respond! You know how crazy life gets especially this time of the year and learning how to pack up a baby and get them ready and fed is just another thing to add to the list! We went to the dr friday because i noticed what looked like a rash and i had spoken with a dr over the phone who said he wasnt worried about it but to call if it changed. Well it had changed so i took him in for my own piece of mind. They ended up weighing him and he is a whopping 8lbs 9oz!! I cant believe that! So back to the "rash" come to find out its a vascular birthmark and will go away. I actually had one as a baby myself. So no worries there. All is well in our neck of the woods. Now i start pumping this week so that i can get some stored for when i go to work. Any tips? I have no idea what all im going to need. Im assuming storage bags. Ha!

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