"I want to hold the boomie mommy!" - How to handle this?!?

[@llli*redkatbaby]

We call it "boomies" and I am nursing my 3 year 2 month old and my 6 month old.

My 3 year old just LOOOOVVVESS my boomies. He has a habit he loves when he is finished nursing he wants to lay beside me and hold my boomie. I told him a long while ago that my nipple is too sensitive because he wanted to rub and I really felt uncomfortable with that.

Now he mostly knows it's ok if he just kind of holds the other part. Although often I just want to be more comfortable and also have my breast back, especially since the other baby is still usually nursing the other one.

Tonight I had to get back into bed after nursing them both because 6 month old woke again. Then 3 yr old wanted to hold my boomie and I just did not feel like it! He started to cry and I told him to snuggle me and he wanted to touch and hold and rub on my breast and I really didn't want him to. I feel so terrible because we have nursed so long and it almost always is so loving and sweet but then there are these moments where his wants cross over into an uncomfortable zone for me or just is more than I can give and when I say no, he starts to cry and cry and cry.

Then I get very upset about it and I really don't know how to handle it. I don't want to create some issue for him but I also need to say sorry, this is my body and I have to say no to this right now.

Please help me if anyone has a similar experience.

Thank you!

[@llli*maddieb]

I definitely have had the experience of my children wanting to hold my breast as a comfort measure. I even did a 'survey' of local fellow Leaders about this once and the consensus was, this is normal and happens for kids who are still nursing, kids who have weaned, and even in at least one case an adopted child who had not breastfed ever.

So it is normal and you child will grow out of it.

But I guess your issue is, it is uncomfortable for you, or uncomfortable sometimes?

I guess I would look at this the same way I would look at setting limits when nursing in the toddler and preschool years. After all there are two people in this relationship and it is your body and your breast! So your feelings are important and need to be respected. Just as in the toddler and preschooler years mothers often find they need to set limits on nursing and/or teach nursing manners, you could use this as an opportunity to gently set limits, which you are already doing by letting him hold but not rub you. You could find other ways to set limits-yes you may but only for this amount of time, or, this is only for nap times and sleep times, etc, basically find the ways this behavior can work for you one way or another, (it helps him get to sleep, it helps him be quiet and still so the baby can sleep and mom can rest etc.) and set limits when it may not work for you. You could also use other ‘weaning’ measures such as distraction.

I cannot remember now if breast holding in particular was a problem for me, but certainly when I was tandem nursing my sons I had to set nursing limits on my older son (who was three when his brother was born) to make it work for me. I found being firm (but secretly flexible if that worked better for me at that moment) helped and also talking calmly (and briefly but repeatedly) about the issue and what the new "rule" was, NOT at nursing time or sleep times but at some other relaxed time with my son, helped a good deal.

[@llli*mommal]

What LLLMeg said. It's okay to set limits, even if the limits in question sometimes make your LO melt down and cry. I think of it like this: if your kid wanted a cookie and was crying for it, would you give in and let him have a cookie? Probably not. The breast can be the same way- a treat, but not one that a kid gets unlimited access to.

Would it help to introduce a "boomie" substitute? Maybe take your kid to the toy store and let him pick out a special soft toy that he can rub and cuddle when you're not in the mood to share the boomie. When he comes over wanting to touch you, you could say "No, honey, my boomie is all tired out and rubbing makes it sore. Can you bring your special dolly and we'll cuddle it and rub it together?"

[@llli*redkatbaby]

Thank you for the replies.

I don't feel uncomfortable with it all the time, but there are times when it's too much. Nursing 2 boys, often tandem at bedtime, gets tiring and I love snuggling him and it is so sweet that he loves me and my "boomies" so much but I definitely have my limits. I do try to explain that it's my body and sometimes it's his "boomies time" and sometimes it's mommy's boomies time which is when I get to have a rest or a boomie break. But it does make me feel terrible and I hope I am not creating some issue for him. I can't help feeling that way although I know how important limits are.

Of course when he is crying loudly and waking up his baby brother that makes me really angry and then I get frustrated and impatient. Having nursed for 74 MONTHS straight now, there are absolutely moments when I want my body to myself. Although I never mind the snuggling, we co-sleep, so he only asks to hold the boomie in bed, it is never an issue out of bed.

[@llli*krystine]

I agree that you need to set limits in order than you may be comfortable, too. My 35 mo old sometimes touches me too much and I have to ask her to stop. I try to be gentle about it so she doesn't get too upset but sometimes it is just too much. Sometimes yes she will cry but there are other things she can do. Sometimes I turn my back toward her in bed and she can still snuggle next to me but can't touch my nummies.

[@llli*lmh72vrat]

I've got nothing for you, except for maybe the boomies soft toy substitute.
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/crochet-boob


My 3yo has no limits on nursing/touching. The other day after day care, we are finishing up our session. We are in the car and she has the sun shade flipped down and she is looking in the mirror, trying to get both boomies in the mirror surrounding her face like this }{

[@llli*maddieb]

I've got nothing for you, except for maybe the boomies soft toy substitute.
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/crochet-boob

I use a stuffed breast for demo's when helping moms with latch. The other day my kids were throwing what I thought at first was a ball around the house. Suddenly I heard myself yell "Stop throwing that breast around!"

[@llli*aeoe]

Same thing my daughter went through. Lucky us she didn't mind holding her Binky instead of boo. She still nurses with binky in hand at 3.5 years and brother 6.5 months.