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Thread: Are 'they' holding it against me?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    139

    Default Are 'they' holding it against me?

    Has anyone out there ever felt like their co-workers were holding their pumping schedule against them and the co-worker was trying to 'set them up' to make it look like your not doing your job? I don't know if that makes sense. But ever since I've come back to work and specially since I began going to feed DS at lunch, I've felt like a specific co-worker is trying to passively knock me down because of it. I'm not talking about my boss or anything. He is fine with it all. I get 15 min twice a day (which I prolly need a little bit more but I make it work). This is a lady who breastfed both kids till 6 months. We are truly co-workers neither is over the other so she has no direct way of doing anything to me. The only thing I can think of is that she wasn't very successful at pumping. She wasn't comfortable just finding a room (we work in a hospital all over and never know where we will be at a given time) or stopping what she was doing and going to her designated place to pump. We do have jobs where we can do that and not need immediate coverage. I on the other hand make no bone about it that I need to pump and my patients can wait a short 15 minutes for my baby to get what he needs.

    Is she just pissed cuz I'm not ashamed of asking for the time or space? What can I do to protect myself from a negative stigma sticking with me or being applied to my ability to do my job? I just feel like she is trying to get me fired or something.
    Married to the best husband ever since Nov 2009
    DS born 1/7/12 at 36 wks after PROM and Gestational diabetes happy and healthy ~

    Taking it one day at a time.

    Currently and !!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Northern CA
    Posts
    548

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    If your place of work is large enough to have an HR department you may want to take this matter up with them.

    I had a coworker that was passive aggressive towards me during my first pregnancy and while pumping. It turned out she was just jealous because she was struggling with infertility. Her snide remarks and insinuations that I was lazy infuriated me. I eventually confronted her directly.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    255

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    What is she doing? Just comments to you? Other people? I think if you are performing well otherwise, it shouldn't be a problem for anyone. If she is saying something directly to you, maybe say something about how your breaks help your productivity and focus or something. I know they do for me! After I stop pumping I'm thinking of keeping the break times and maybe taking walks at those times.
    Lisa

    Mom to Aimee, born 8/22/11
    for 20 months!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    362

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    Please also keep in mind that this is a form of harrassment, and most organizations to do not take that lightly. I had a woman in my office that would make comments now and again about my pumping...but she had no direct affect on my job and my boss was 100% in line with what I needed. If what she is doing is direct and blatent, I might say something to her about it - as it is not only for your child, but your health. If it is passive aggressive, you may want to document and bring it to HR if it escalates. Regardless, if it is making you uncomfortable in your workplace, it needs to be addressed.

    She very well may feel guilty about her own experiences...not that it condones her behavior, at least its a reason for it.
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy and 11/13/12 happy little man.
    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    139

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    She isn't doing anything blatant. And she never SAYS anything passive aggressively. In fact I've never heard her say anything negative. But what she does do is my job for me! I'll go to do something I prioritized to do later in the day and when I go to do it I can't find what I'm looking for so I ask and she says "oh I went ahead and did that for you." and make out like she did me a favor because I couldn't handle the work load. And all I did was decide it could wait a couple of hours or she'll tell me what she thinks I need to do to get trained for special procedure and it's something she has long ago decided she wasnt going to touch, thus knows little to none about it. She'll see one of my patients while I'm busy with another one because "I just love them so much!" or "they are x kind of patient", like i dont know how to treat that type of patient. we have to stick to productivity numbers based on if we are PRN part time or full time. It's just frustrating because she didn't do this before.
    Married to the best husband ever since Nov 2009
    DS born 1/7/12 at 36 wks after PROM and Gestational diabetes happy and healthy ~

    Taking it one day at a time.

    Currently and !!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,983

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    Could you just tell her, "I know you were just trying to be helpful, but I put that project aside for a reason. I'd rather you not finish my work without asking me, thank you!" Because once you've had that conversation, any further "help"/subtle attempt to undermine you, would be blatant rather than passive, and then you could bring it up with your supervisor. And if she's indeed trying to help, she'll have to back off.

    In my job, it is not cool to touch someone else's work (and this general possessiveness is something I'm struggling with as I head into maternity leave, because I don't like handing off my projects! and until I start saying "I can't do it" my boss wouldn't dream of asking my coworkers to take over), but I know these things vary depending on the type of work being done, etc. It's one thing for a teammate to wipe a countertop for you or something like that, another thing to take a project from you that would get you recognition and appreciation from your boss.

    Another option would be to say "You know what would be helpful to me? Please do X (boring, crappy, assignment you don't want). Thanks! I appreciate your help so much!" That would teach her.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,293

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post
    Could you just tell her, "I know you were just trying to be helpful, but I put that project aside for a reason. I'd rather you not finish my work without asking me, thank you!" Because once you've had that conversation, any further "help"/subtle attempt to undermine you, would be blatant rather than passive, and then you could bring it up with your supervisor. And if she's indeed trying to help, she'll have to back off.

    In my job, it is not cool to touch someone else's work (and this general possessiveness is something I'm struggling with as I head into maternity leave, because I don't like handing off my projects! and until I start saying "I can't do it" my boss wouldn't dream of asking my coworkers to take over), but I know these things vary depending on the type of work being done, etc. It's one thing for a teammate to wipe a countertop for you or something like that, another thing to take a project from you that would get you recognition and appreciation from your boss.

    Another option would be to say "You know what would be helpful to me? Please do X (boring, crappy, assignment you don't want). Thanks! I appreciate your help so much!" That would teach her.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,709

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    I would try the direct approach (kindly). (Is it at all possible that she really is just trying to be helpful, and you're the one being sensitive?) Next step is discussing it with your boss, again trying to not be too accusatory but focusing on how you are feeling about it. If that doesn't work, take a few days to document what she is doing and then if you really feel strongly about it, go and see the appropriate office in your organization if there is one. At my workplace it's called "human rights and advisory services" in the equity office. It depends on your organization how seriously they take this kind of thing, and how they deal with it. In my workplace, the goal is conflict resolution (really, trying to avoid a lawsuit), but it works well, because the goal really is to get everyone happy again (rather than to place blame). You don't want to escalate the situation (especially on the chance that you are misreading), but if there are good resources, make use of them.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    139

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    Well I went to my boss and vented. He works and lives with lots of women so I think he gets the need to just express concern. After speaking with him some things have been put into perspective. Our group 'leader' has moved to a different department and my co-worker that has been bugging me is a mama bear, lets make everything roses and butterflies type of personality. So I'm thinking she is trying to assume that role because she feels like we need it for the 'family' to stick together. He said no one has mentioned anything to him about anything and has no concerns about job performance. And commiserated with the territory thing (it is one of the trademark personality traits that make us good at what we do). I do think I might be being a bit sensitive, I don't always get all the support about my job and breastfeeding from a parenting standpoint from my husband's family. They just think I should be home being mommy with formula. (And while I think staying home is great for those who want to, I'm not that person. Which was clear to me by the end of my maternity leave) And my co-worker has been encouraging me to cut back my hours. I never really put them together but I guess I did. I do plan on talking to her soon. We always got along great before so this was very unsettling and I tend to be overly blunt about things and it takes me long time to figure out how to talk about things without just laying it all out there in a way that can be interpreted as mean.

    Thanks venting here and the suggestions helped!
    Married to the best husband ever since Nov 2009
    DS born 1/7/12 at 36 wks after PROM and Gestational diabetes happy and healthy ~

    Taking it one day at a time.

    Currently and !!!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,709

    Default Re: Are 'they' holding it against me?

    Thanks for updating us. Glad to hear that you're feeling more positive about things.

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