Feeling Discouraged

[@llli*DiaperDaysMommy]

...And frustrated.

So, I finally talked to an IBCLC about trying to relactate, and she asked me how long I've been trying. Which has been almost a month...Basically she doesn't think that my efforts are getting me anywhere because I'm not getting any real results. Which I thought I was. At the start I was MAYBE getting a bead or two of milk, now I'm getting drops, and every once in a while, when I hand express, milk shoots out. I thought this WAS progress.

She suggested I try Domperidone, but that's an out-of-pocket expense that I know we really can't afford. [And though I'd happily throw the money at it and forgo somethings else, I just KNOW my husband is not going to go for it. I feel bad, but I wish I didn't even have to go to him about it and just do what I want, screw what anyone one else thinks, so to speak.]

Now I feel lost and like I may be doing all this for nothing! Only I don't want to give up, but if I'm just beating my head against a brick wall, what's the point? Am I just being stubborn? I thought this was possible...I thought I was actually getting somewhere.

I feel like crying right now, and I feel WELL beyond irrational. I want to go back in time and kick myself for not pushing harder when I actually did have a supply. I don't even want to be around myself right now...

[@llli*aprilsmagic]

Maybe he will be OK with it. Or just try it and see and then tell him.

It is cheaper than formula

[@llli*mommal]

I am sorry the LC gave you such a discouraging take on your situation. I wish that instead of dismissing your hard work and the progress you have made- and I do think it sounds like you are making progress!- the LC had simply said "You're going more slowly than I would like to see, and I am not sure you should expect big results in a short timeframe. But I'm not saying that you should give up, because that's a question only you can answer for yourself. Just that you may want to adjust your expectations about what is possible, and decide what success means for you. If success for you means an oz or two a day, that's great, and probably achievable if you keep at it. If success means a full supply... Then you may not get there in a hurry."

Do you have health insurance, mama? If so, you may be able to get your doctor or midwife to prescribe Domperidone (or Reglan) for you. I took Reglan and IIRC the cost to me was about $5 for a 2 week supply- and I was taking the maximum dose. I'm not bragging- just suggesting you check with your insurance and your doctor before making the determination about how much out-of-pocket cost you're facing.

[@llli*joe.s.mom]

It sounds like you ARE making progress! It's just quite slow.

ETA: Which is sometimes the case with relactation. Different women really respond differently when they attempt to relactate. For some women, taking weeks or a month off of nursing will cause their breastfeeding hormones to get very very low, making relactation pretty difficult. For other women, they'll still be high at that point, and relactation will go easier. There's nothing wrong with you, you are making progress, but this is really a matter of individual biology.

Also, I know it's expensive, but I've seen domperidone do really great things for women who need to increase their supply (when nothing else has worked). And it may well be cheaper than formula. So just think about it. Reglan is more readily available by prescription in the US (thus covered by insurance if you have insurance) and is another option.

[@llli*DiaperDaysMommy]

Thanks so much to all! I haven't been here long, but I've already gotten so much help and support from mamas on here, and I can't express how much I appreciate that.

As it turns out I won't be able to get Domperidone. I had a massive blood clot early in my pregnancy and a couple strokes because of it, so the IBCLC I've been speaking to said it would not be advisable for me to use the drug, as it'd be too much of a risk. I have to admit I didn't receive this news well, initially. I'm okay with it now, however. By no means does this mean I'm giving up. Determination is driving me to succeed.

Just that you may want to adjust your expectations about what is possible, and decide what success means for you. If success for you means an oz or two a day, that's great, and probably achievable if you keep at it. If success means a full supply... Then you may not get there in a hurry."

Blessedly the only high expectations I really had was getting LO to latch. She's gradually warming to the idea, and actually semi-latched today and gave two really strong sucks before letting me go. This is SERIOUS improvement as she'd been screaming bloody murder every time I came near her with my breast. I've a new game plan in mind and pray it works out. I'm okay if she only gets a teaspoon of breast milk at this junction. It's WAY better than nothing, to me.

[@llli*darillyn]

I hope things have gone well since your last post! I know what you mean about latching. My first daughter was adopted at six months, not even taking a bottle well. She was being fed through a gastrostomy. It took me quite a while, but we made it and she nursed for just over a year. It was hard to tell exactly how much milk she was getting from me, since she was on lots of other foods before I even got her, but I am sure she got at least four ounces a day, and it made a huge difference in her health.