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Thread: so sad...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: so sad...

    I don't get it. What you're posting is about forcing weaning when you don't want to, after the fact. Why would you come here to post about it? Why not come here first, to learn coping techniques in regards to parenting a high needs baby? Why not ask how to increase your production? Why not ask how to successfully pump? Why choose to pump when you have a baby that is growing and is healthy?

    You said that you got him to sleep longer at night which caused him to nurse more during the day. Completely normal. Why is that a problem? It's to be expected and is totally normal behaviour. Sorry - but your post doesn't ring true. If it doesn't ring true, it probably isn't.

    How often are you pumping? If you're not pumping every 1 - 2 hours, just like his pattern for nursing, you aren't going to be able to keep up with his demands. He wanted to nurse that often because he needed to. If you don't match that schedule, you won't be able to bottle feed him breast milk either. Are you supplementing with formula? Not that you asked, but there it is.

    Some babies are high needs. Some babies don't like car rides. Some babies nurse more often than others. If you've chosen to wean, why post this first? Why post this in the breast feeding your infant section rather than the weaning sections? I call troll.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,293

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jenna562 View Post
    Hi. It doesn't seem to me that the baby has a problem, it's normal nursing behavior to want to nurse all the time. You are his mother. You chose to have a baby. Commit to feeding him on demand and eventually it does get easier I promise. It just seems you are creating a problem where there was none, it sou DS like your mama instinct to feed on demand was and still is the right thing to do.
    its normal for him to want to be at the breast all the time, it will get easier before you know it.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    860

    Default Re: so sad...

    I can sympathize with your plight. My beloved sister in law was a devoted determined breastfeeding mother with her first child and she desperately wanted to repeat her positive experience with dd2. However, for reasons unknown, my niece who nursed constantly non stop failed to gain weight. The poor child looked starved even though diaper output was good, even though she had normal bowel mov'ts, even though my SIL had encouragment, support and did everything correctly.She chose to wean rather then continue to struggle
    My SIL went on to have another a child who nursed like a champ for 18 months.
    Her children are all adults ,and to this day we still rack our brains trying to figure out what went awry with dd2. She is now BTW a college graduate, heading for law school. So it all worked out ok.
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,289

    Default Re: so sad...

    So, baby was gaining appropriately when you were nursing? If so, he was getting enough milk. If not, he was not, which would explain him being desperate to nurse. Even if you had good supply, a milk transfer issue would prevent baby from getting enough. But I see you say weight gain was good.

    Did you have forceful aka overactive letdown maybe? I see one doctor suspected a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, which is caused by forceful letdown, and indeed is linked to normal or faster than normal weight gain. If that is severe enough it can cause gastrointestinal issues, and in that case, bottle feeing would appear to “cure" the problem-no more breast, no more forceful letdown. Unfortunately, your doctor telling you to hold off on nursing so your baby gets more hindmilk is exactly the wrong thing to do, this actually makes the "imbalance" and other effects of forceful letdown worse. But there ARE lots of ways to fix ffld and continue to nurse.

    Also some babies are super fussy and needy in the early weeks and calm down later. It is possible you baby calming down coincided with your decision to stop nursing at the breast, but was not caused by it.

    If you are happier now and baby is happier now, I am not going to argue with success. You know your baby best, and of course it is entirely your choice to stop nursing if it was not working for either of you. I understand you are sad, and if you want to nurse again, it woudl make sense to try. If the issue was indeed forceful letdwon, that will be helped if your supply is lower now. If the issue was baby needed t omature a bit, that will have ahppened as well. You can always encourage your baby to nurse again, work on rebuilding your supply, and if the issues start again, stop again.

    But since these forums are visited by lots of mothers who are struggling in the intense early days, I have to point something out. I am sorry but an infant cannot be "addicted" to breastfeeding. He can not be “obsessed” with it. Addiction & obsession implies an unhealthy attachment to something, usually something that is itself not healthy. ALL healthy newborns are born with a strong, powerful, instinctual need to suckle at the breast, because their survival depends on it. This need does not go away because you have to go somewhere in the car, or when you need to attend to your other children, or have other responsibilities, or even when you sleep. They are infants and all they know is their instinctual need. In many cases, this can mean a baby is going to be nursing pretty much around the clock for at least the first 6-8 weeks, some babies will nurse way more than others, and this is normal. As far as an infant getting behind on milestones due to nursing-I do not see how that is posssible. Human beings have nursed thier children for-well, for the entire history of the human race. All mammals nurse thier babies. Nature designed this perfect system that allows a baby to get all the stimulation he needs-mostly, while nursing. (Again, a baby who is not able to get enough at the breast may get behind in lots of things, of course, as such a baby is going to be malnourished. Also, if a baby is in intense discomfort that would make baby appear distracted and unhappy) Of course it is tiring, frustrating, and the rest. I suspect your baby was uncomfortable due to forceful letdown and /or baby is one of those extreme high need babies.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*midwestmama2010 View Post
    Do you have a sling or a way to babywear to let him be at your breast anytime he wants?? To keep your hands free. If he knew he didn't have to scream for it, I wonder if he would chill out and be content to latch on here and there as he pleases. Many ppl have high needs babies. And most nursing babies (NOT MINE - LOL) just really love to nurse.

    One thing I can think of right off you have going for you is that he's 5 months and he's about to be really distractible. You could be on the cusp of breakthrough. He may decide there's much more to life than nursing and not want to nurse as long, as well as get more efficient.

    If you're still even a little hopeful that it will get better, DO NOT stop offering. Too many bottles *will* make him impatient for your milk to letdown, and if your supply is dipping down, he will likely have to nurse longer for the letdown, and may decide bottle are easier.

    I think a sling or moby or other carrier could be great. Then, you won't run into him being in someone else's arms embarrassing you as he roots around and slobbers trying to nurse. No one has EVER been so forward enough to ask me to remove my baby from my sling or moby, but lots of ppl ask to hold the baby when she's just in my arms or on my hip.

    At night, I wonder if just allowing him to be skin-to-skin and/or co-sleeping would help reassure him.

    My 1st baby nursed like crazy too. She didn't try to nurse from other ppl, but really, at around this age, she really started to discover the world and be so distractible during the day I thought she wasn't nursing enough!! But she did. She just changed the way she nursed. Don't quit at 5 months when things are really starting to change in their little lives.

    Go to a LLL meeting. Find a local babywearing group on facebook to borrow or tryout a sling or ergo or something.
    I don't have a sling but I do have 2 baby carriers. Neither of them give him access to the breast while he's in it. And he doesn't like to be in them because he can't nurse. I used to have a sling with my youngest daughter but I gave it to a friend years ago.

    I wanted to mention that I always nursed him on demand. The only time that he had a chance to scream was during times that I couldn't nurse him (in the car, mostly). I will try some of your other suggestions. Thank you for being so helpful. You have given me more ideas and hope.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    Me too.

    Mama, it seems as if pumping isn't working well for you (since you're getting less milk every time you pump), and giving up nursing is making you sad. I understand completely why you have given up, but at the same time I think the intense demand is just a phase. You have older kids, so you know how quickly these phases come and go.

    I know you came here to simply share your struggle and your sadness, and we sympathize. But we'd also like to help you find a way to nurse this baby. Are you dead-set against the idea, or would you be willing to try again?
    Oh, I'm willing to try again! I am willing to listen to and try any ideas that other people may have. I wished that I had found this site months ago. I just nursed him before he went to sleep

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*phi View Post
    100%! My son was an angry little monster at 4 months, and the sling was the only way anything ever got done at my house. He could nurse while I did things and was even actually pretty content even while not nursing sometimes as long as I was wearing him. Take your baby and try on some different styles to see if something out there might work for you two.
    Thank you. Do you have any suggestions?

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amysmom View Post
    I don't get it. What you're posting is about forcing weaning when you don't want to, after the fact. Why would you come here to post about it? Why not come here first, to learn coping techniques in regards to parenting a high needs baby? Why not ask how to increase your production? Why not ask how to successfully pump? Why choose to pump when you have a baby that is growing and is healthy?

    You said that you got him to sleep longer at night which caused him to nurse more during the day. Completely normal. Why is that a problem? It's to be expected and is totally normal behaviour. Sorry - but your post doesn't ring true. If it doesn't ring true, it probably isn't.

    How often are you pumping? If you're not pumping every 1 - 2 hours, just like his pattern for nursing, you aren't going to be able to keep up with his demands. He wanted to nurse that often because he needed to. If you don't match that schedule, you won't be able to bottle feed him breast milk either. Are you supplementing with formula? Not that you asked, but there it is.

    Some babies are high needs. Some babies don't like car rides. Some babies nurse more often than others. If you've chosen to wean, why post this first? Why post this in the breast feeding your infant section rather than the weaning sections? I call troll.
    Well, I thought that if I could find any compassionate supportive people who understood the heartache that I am going through, it would be here. I also thought that someone here may be able to help me figure something out so that I could continue to breastfeed. I'm very thankful for those who were supportive, offered their understanding and advice. I found a breastfeeding forum that I posted this problem about a couple months ago but it didn't get any replies. I don't get online much but for the past week, I've been trying to find a forum for breastfeeding mothers with hopes that I'd find an answer. As far as why I posted this thread here instead of somewhere else... sorry that I posted in the wrong place.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*esthervegan View Post
    I can sympathize with your plight. My beloved sister in law was a devoted determined breastfeeding mother with her first child and she desperately wanted to repeat her positive experience with dd2. However, for reasons unknown, my niece who nursed constantly non stop failed to gain weight. The poor child looked starved even though diaper output was good, even though she had normal bowel mov'ts, even though my SIL had encouragment, support and did everything correctly.She chose to wean rather then continue to struggle
    My SIL went on to have another a child who nursed like a champ for 18 months.
    Her children are all adults ,and to this day we still rack our brains trying to figure out what went awry with dd2. She is now BTW a college graduate, heading for law school. So it all worked out ok.
    Thank you for your story. I was able to nurse my other kids for over a year with very little problems. My youngest daughter was a high needs baby who nursed often but hardly gained weight. I remember offering her my breast all the time because I wanted her to gain more. That was the only thing that even comes close to a problem when it came to my other kids.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,501

    Default Re: so sad...

    First off, you made a comment that you have "three other kids and a house to take care of." Forget the house. Really. Do the absolute necessities, like laundry, dishes, and cooking, and let go of the rest for now. Your baby will be a toddler before you know it, and the house will still be there for you when you feel more up to keeping up with it.

    I've been there myself, with a baby who demanded to nurse constantly during the day and it also drove me crazy. Looking back, though, I can see how my anxiety about being "perfect" led me to become overly stressed whenever I nursed my baby; this I believe led to a stressed baby (because babies are excellent empathizers and your stress will be transferred to your baby), which only caused him to want to nurse even more in an attempt to calm us both down (though it didn't work and if anything just made me more stressed).
    ~Sylvia~

    Wife to Nick, m. May 2005

    Mommy to Gabriel (b. January 2007, 8lbs. 15oz.), nursed 18 months.

    Isaac (b. August 2009, 9lbs. 1oz- naturally), nursed 22 months, through PPD/PPA and emergency gallbladder surgery.

    and Corban (b. March 2012, 11lbs. 6Oz.- naturally in the water), my NICU baby, still nursing strong at age 2!


    Daughter of God

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