Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 6 12345 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 57

Thread: so sad...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default so sad...

    So, I'm writing this mainly because I don't know many people in my life who understand what I'm going through or why I'm so sad. I'm the only person that I know that has breastfed their babies. I have two daughters that I breastfed until just past their first birthday and now a 5 month old that I had been exclusively breastfeeding until a couple weeks ago. I wanted to breastfeed him for at least a year but I know that is not going to happen now. I don't know how to describe it besides saying that it seems that my little baby is addicted to breastfeeding. Let me explain...

    Since birth, my son has nursed a lot. I was taught to nurse on demand and he demanded it a lot. When he was 2 months old, I started using a swaddle blanket with him at night, which is the first time that he would go longer than an hour or two between feedings but that only happened at night. During the day, my son nursed every hour or two (and sometimes non-stop for an hour or two). My son wouldn't take naps unless he was attached to me and if I broke the latch, he'd wake up screaming. I couldn't drive anywhere unless he was in the backseat screaming because he wanted to nurse. My older son has an appointment that we have to go to every Thursday so for the entire hour drive there and hour drive back, he would scream. He didn't want to just be held... he wanted to nurse.

    I've tried many things over the months to try to get him to nurse less or just figure out why he needed to nurse so much. I stopped drinking dairy because the doctor thought he was lactose intolerant. That really didn't do anything to help. One time, the doctor thought that he wasn't getting enough hindmilk, even though he was gaining weight. The doctor told me to make him wait 3 hours between feedings for 12-24 hours. He screamed a lot while I tried to stick with that and even ended up not sleeping at night like he had been. He woke up every hour to nurse. As soon as I started nursing him on demand again, he stopped waking up at night. It didn't work but instead seemed to make him more obsessed with nursing during the day.

    His obsession was very noticeable to anyone who was around him. It was difficult to hold him. He would literally attack anyone who held him in a cradle hold, up against their chest, or on their hip. He had to be held with his back toward you. If you tried to hold him any other way, he would grab with his hands, open his mouth, and dive in, hoping to latch on to a breast. There were many times when the whole front of my shirt would be wet with slobber from him trying so hard to nurse. If he was facing someone who was not holding me, he would never look at their face, it was always their chest. He would salivate and get excited as he'd lean toward that person. He associated nursing to me but he definitely didn't believe that I was the only one who could nurse him because he tried with everyone.

    I tried a few other things like trying to get him to suck on a pacifier or breaking his latch over and over again after he fell asleep or before he fell asleep. I tried soothing him in other ways. I even tried giving him bottles of expressed milk throughout the day and only nursing him at night and in the morning. That resulted in him waking up every hour at night again. It got to the point where he seemed miserable unless he was nursing. He wouldn't laugh, babble, or play. He would only nurse or scream. I had to find something that would work.

    That's when I decided to bottle feed him. I hated the thought that he would only be 4.5 months old when I quit breastfeeding him but I had to try it. I was going to try to keep up with his feedings by pumping but he was only going to get bottles. The first two days, he screamed a lot. He would not take a bottle from me so I had to have some help just to get him to eat. The first two days were horrible days for me and him both but he was getting better fast.

    After the first two days, he was a completely different baby. He was laughing, smiling, babbling, and playing. He no longer screamed all day long and actually seemed like the happiest baby alive. He started falling asleep on his own whenever he got tired. He slept in his crib, car seat, and even while playing. I couldn't believe how drastically he'd changed.

    For the first week, I still couldn't hold him against my chest or on my hip and couldn't cradle him except to feed him. I couldn't even get my face close to him because he'd grab on to it and try to suck on my cheek. He seemed like he was mad at me because he didn't really look at me much and definitely didn't light up and smile when I entered the room. I became very depressed and wanted nothing more than to bring him to my breast to nurse him. But I was so afraid to do that. I didn't want to have to go through this all over again. I didn't want him to have to go through it again.

    It's been almost 3 weeks now. I can finally hold him against my chest, cradle him, and carry him on my hip. I can actually relax him and put him to sleep against my chest. I can play with him and he actually looks at me, not my breasts. He takes naps everyday on his own. Those naps last at least an hour, if not longer. He laughs and plays. He's learning new things all the time. That would not have happened while he was nursing.

    On two different occasions, I tried nursing him again. The first time was so that I can increase my milk supply. I seem to get less milk everyday and I know that having him nurse will build up my supply better than pumping. I nursed him for one day and put him back on bottles. A few nights ago, I tried again. I thought that maybe I'd be able to just nurse him at night. He went back to being miserable both times. He went back to grabbing at my breasts and screaming a lot. He stopped playing, laughing, and babbling. I was hoping that he would be okay and I'd be able to go back to nursing. But I can't. I want him to be happy. I want him to thrive.

    My milk supply is getting very low. I know that I'm not going to have milk soon. It's so tough to accept that, very soon, I won't ever be able to nurse him ever again. I cry just thinking about it. Even though I shouldn't nurse him ever again anyway because he does so much better with a bottle, I still have hopes that I'll nurse him and he'll be fine. I think it's because I want it so badly.

    I wrote this because most people that I know have never breastfed. No one understands why I'm sad about not breastfeeding him when he's doing so much better with a bottle. Even though I've mostly just pumped for the last 3 weeks, I'm getting sad that I won't be able to pump much longer because all hope to ever nurse him again will be gone. I just want some understanding and support, I guess.

    Thanks for reading.

  2. #2

    Default Re: so sad...

    Oh mama! Your story brings me to tears!! I can't relate completely, because I have a DD2 that has an aversion to nursing, but I do know the pain of hoping for my baby to just nurse normally again, and fearing that I'll never have that same relationship with her. I nursed DD1 til around 19 months.

    I read everything you said. You saw the pediatrician. Did you see anyone else? You say you don't have friends that "get it" and support you, but have you sought out a LLL meeting? Or maybe a counselor through a WIC office. Or even the LC at the hospital at which he was born?

    You sound as if you've given up, but you don't have to. Of all the solutions when a baby is having challenges, weaning at so young is almost never the solution. And clearly, your heart is to give him breastmilk at your breast.

    I support your heavy heart. I know what it's like to feel like the nursing relationship is threatened and may not make it. I have cried countless tears and no one I know IRL "gets it" either.

    I hope someone will chime in who may be able to help!! I have never heard of a child getting behind on their milestones due to nursing. Does he have any other health issues? You said he's gaining weight just fine. There must be something that will help.

    Take care!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: so sad...

    I do not understand how your baby's nursing was a problem, as to me, it seems normal. I had a baby like this. He was and is fine.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Hi! Thank you for replying. It feels so good to hear or read that other mothers feel the way that I do. You are right, I have given up but I still hope that I'll figure out something while I still have milk. I have talked/seen other people about this problem. I saw the LC at the hospital where my son was born, as well as through the WIC office. I have two friends who breastfeed although they don't live near me. I've searched the internet over and over trying to find someone who has experienced what I have and still found a way to nurse. No one knows what is happening with my little one. The LC from the hospital made some phone calls and poured through books that she had but never found anything. She said that the closest thing that she could find was what was called a high needs baby. He is needy and that's okay with me. I don't mind holding him a lot. I just want my baby to be healthy and thrive, which only seems to happen if he's drinking from bottles instead of my breast. He is very healthy other than that.

    I hope that someone chimes in with something that could help. I guess that I just don't think there will be a solution because everyone, even professionals, that I've talked to have never heard of anything like this and don't have a solution. I'm willing to try anything though.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*aprilsmagic View Post
    I do not understand how your baby's nursing was a problem, as to me, it seems normal. I had a baby like this. He was and is fine.
    My baby stopped smiling, playing, and babbling. Instead, he screamed constantly unless he was at the breast. I couldn't shower or drive to the store without him screaming. He never napped unless he was latched on. I have 3 other kids and a house to take care of. If I had no other child and nothing else that HAD to get done, I would have gladly nursed him constantly.

  6. #6

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*happylilbabygirl View Post
    Hi! Thank you for replying. It feels so good to hear or read that other mothers feel the way that I do. You are right, I have given up but I still hope that I'll figure out something while I still have milk. I have talked/seen other people about this problem. I saw the LC at the hospital where my son was born, as well as through the WIC office. I have two friends who breastfeed although they don't live near me. I've searched the internet over and over trying to find someone who has experienced what I have and still found a way to nurse. No one knows what is happening with my little one. The LC from the hospital made some phone calls and poured through books that she had but never found anything. She said that the closest thing that she could find was what was called a high needs baby. He is needy and that's okay with me. I don't mind holding him a lot. I just want my baby to be healthy and thrive, which only seems to happen if he's drinking from bottles instead of my breast. He is very healthy other than that.

    I hope that someone chimes in with something that could help. I guess that I just don't think there will be a solution because everyone, even professionals, that I've talked to have never heard of anything like this and don't have a solution. I'm willing to try anything though.
    Do you have a sling or a way to babywear to let him be at your breast anytime he wants?? To keep your hands free. If he knew he didn't have to scream for it, I wonder if he would chill out and be content to latch on here and there as he pleases. Many ppl have high needs babies. And most nursing babies (NOT MINE - LOL) just really love to nurse.

    One thing I can think of right off you have going for you is that he's 5 months and he's about to be really distractible. You could be on the cusp of breakthrough. He may decide there's much more to life than nursing and not want to nurse as long, as well as get more efficient.

    If you're still even a little hopeful that it will get better, DO NOT stop offering. Too many bottles *will* make him impatient for your milk to letdown, and if your supply is dipping down, he will likely have to nurse longer for the letdown, and may decide bottle are easier.

    I think a sling or moby or other carrier could be great. Then, you won't run into him being in someone else's arms embarrassing you as he roots around and slobbers trying to nurse. No one has EVER been so forward enough to ask me to remove my baby from my sling or moby, but lots of ppl ask to hold the baby when she's just in my arms or on my hip.

    At night, I wonder if just allowing him to be skin-to-skin and/or co-sleeping would help reassure him.

    My 1st baby nursed like crazy too. She didn't try to nurse from other ppl, but really, at around this age, she really started to discover the world and be so distractible during the day I thought she wasn't nursing enough!! But she did. She just changed the way she nursed. Don't quit at 5 months when things are really starting to change in their little lives.

    Go to a LLL meeting. Find a local babywearing group on facebook to borrow or tryout a sling or ergo or something.
    Last edited by @llli*midwestmama2010; June 24th, 2012 at 02:58 PM. Reason: fix typos ;/

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: so sad...

    I wore my babies, who were high needs. I have things to do too. Pumping is way more work than nursing is. I've done both. I would much rather have a nonstop nursing baby than have to pump. Pumping is harder long term.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: so sad...

    Hi. It doesn't seem to me that the baby has a problem, it's normal nursing behavior to want to nurse all the time. You are his mother. You chose to have a baby. Commit to feeding him on demand and eventually it does get easier I promise. It just seems you are creating a problem where there was none, it sou DS like your mama instinct to feed on demand was and still is the right thing to do.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,267

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*aprilsmagic View Post
    I would much rather have a nonstop nursing baby than have to pump. Pumping is harder long term.
    Me too.

    Mama, it seems as if pumping isn't working well for you (since you're getting less milk every time you pump), and giving up nursing is making you sad. I understand completely why you have given up, but at the same time I think the intense demand is just a phase. You have older kids, so you know how quickly these phases come and go.

    I know you came here to simply share your struggle and your sadness, and we sympathize. But we'd also like to help you find a way to nurse this baby. Are you dead-set against the idea, or would you be willing to try again?
    Last edited by @llli*mommal; June 24th, 2012 at 04:07 PM.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: so sad...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*midwestmama2010 View Post
    Do you have a sling or a way to babywear to let him be at your breast anytime he wants?? To keep your hands free. If he knew he didn't have to scream for it, I wonder if he would chill out and be content to latch on here and there as he pleases. Many ppl have high needs babies. And most nursing babies (NOT MINE - LOL) just really love to nurse.
    100%! My son was an angry little monster at 4 months, and the sling was the only way anything ever got done at my house. He could nurse while I did things and was even actually pretty content even while not nursing sometimes as long as I was wearing him. Take your baby and try on some different styles to see if something out there might work for you two.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •