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Thread: In desperate need of help

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    860

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    Sounds like your son has excellent survival skills.
    That screeching cry is pre-wired to cause adults to sit up and take notice.
    Does it help if I tell you it won't last forever, it just seems that way?
    I had an inconsolable ds3. He went from being "HOLD ME ALL THE TIME" to "LEAVE ME ALONE I CAN DO IT MYSELF" in the blink of an eye.
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    17

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    Thank you all for your replies. It is very comforting knowing that other mommies have gone through what I am experiencing. He just had his 4 month check up 2 days ago and no ear infections - very healthy baby To answer some of your questions:
    1) I am in no means against nursing him to sleep. I've been doing it since the day we came home from the hospital. It's gotten harder as family members think what I'm doing is "wrong" but I've always thought it was the best tool! Why not nurse him if it makes him happy? At times I just feel stuck as though I can't go anywhere by myself because he won't fall asleep otherwise.
    2) I use the word attachment loosely. Maybe he isn't "attached" but that's what it feels like when I am the only one who can calm him down or put him to bed. Or if I am holding him and I lye him down in his crib to get laundry or to run to the bathroom, as soon as I start the motion of lying him down he cries. Usually I can give him a toy to play with but that only lasts for a few minutes.
    3) I am stressed because I literally feel like a prisoner in my own home. It is extremely difficult to go anywhere by myself because 90% of the time in the car, he's screaming until we get to our location and I can take him out and hold him. Driving with a screaming (not crying) child is very stressful. It also makes it nearly impossible to go shopping / run errands. We occasionally go on walks and he LOVES to be outside. If the wind is blowing and there is shade we're sitting outside because he loves it. I say occasionally on the walks because even sometimes then he just wants me to hold him. At 16 pounds, my little arms get tired!

    This is my first child so doing the majority of this on my own can be a little tough sometimes. I say on my own because I really only get help on the weekends. DH leaves early in the morning and gets home about 30 minutes before his bed time so during the day it's just me. No family around either Just looking for some positive support from other mommies who have experienced what I am going through and to cheer me on; that's all Thanks again everyone.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,983

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    Ugh. The screaming in the car thing is so hard. I remember that so clearly, thinking it was amazing if I could get to my destination without getting in an accident, because the screaming put me so on edge, and made me so stressed, I could hardly think straight. I have no advice on that, although I bet some other moms do, but a ton of sympathy. Joe grew out of that phase blessedly very quickly, and is now a wonderful little traveler. But that was such a difficult phase!


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,538

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    I had lots of the same issues with my boy who never slept in my bed unless my DH slept elsewhere, both of them are what i call acrobatic sleepers

    something that helped us was putting a twin bed in my son's room and instead of me laying my son down i laid next to him, nursed him to sleep then rolled gently off the mattress and crawled quietly out of the room.... I am not making this up..... this was the only way my son would fall asleep for a very very long time..... every once in a while he would go through a phase where he didn't ever settle completely it would last a few days at best... during this 'special' time my DH would sleep on the twin while I spent the night in our queen with our son....
    Autumn
    Moma to *Silas* 10-30-07

  5. #15
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    It gets better. I promse it does. The needing to be held 24/7 at this age is as normal as it gets. It's exhausting and stressful (especially with the deafening screaming - I've been there), but it's not an issue so much as it is a normal phase. And every phase eventually ends. My baby was happier outside too, so I just spent a lot of time outside.

    I do still think it would be worth looking at some different types of carriers/slings/wraps to see if your baby would prefer a different style than what you currently have. The style of carrier can really make a huge difference. You can also try putting him into the carrier while outside and immediately start walking once you get him into it. That might keep him happy enough to get some practice so that he can get used to being in the carrier. Baby wearing is the only way I got anything done through most of my son's infancy.

    Hang in there. Things got much better for us around 5 months. Your baby will start learning new skills and get better at amusing himself soon. Babies are still mama addicts throughout the first year and sometimes much longer, so don't be surprised if you are the only one who can calm him for a good long time yet. However, babies do get much happier as the grow ino themselves a little bit, so it certainly does become much easier being a mama.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,761

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    We had the car issue big time with number one. Believe it or not, part of the problem was the straps over his shoulders were positioned incorrectly. They were going around his shoulders and squeezing him down. He was actually uncomfortable. Ugh we felt awful when we finally realized this.

    Stop and go traffic seemed to be worse. I have seen it theorized all the stopping and starting causes motion sickness. Whatever, we tried to take the highway as much as possible.

    When baby cried I would either grit my teeth until we were at our destination, or I would pull over and nurse him in the car, depending on the variables. He also refused a pacifier so that was not an option.

    Do you NIP?

    We only had one car and my husband usually had it for work, but I made myself put baby in a stroller or a sling or the Ergo backpack (great for heavy babies!) when he got big enough and go for a walk every day. We don’t live in the greatest neighborhood and I carried pepper spray, but I did it, I would have gone stark raving mad if I did not get out. Seriously, rain or shine, we went out. Is public transportation an option for outings for you?

    I strongly urge you to find ways to get out, I think it is really unfortunate and unhealthy for young moms to be isolated at home due to their babies, this is a common issue and I think it is very serious.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    416

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    I also sympathize about the screaming in the car thing. My son does that too, especially in stop-and-go traffic. Sometimes he will nap in the car, but if he's not napping he's usually crying. I just avoid driving anywhere with him as much as possible, because here in LA it's all stop and go traffic.

    I agree on the importance of getting out every day at least for a walk, if at all possible. That said, one of the ways I managed when my son was younger was to get groceries delivered and order things online as much as possible to minimize shopping and errands. See if any of the grocery stores in your area offer delivery. Also check out Amazon--if you join Amazon Mom you get free Prime membership for up to a year which means free 2 day shipping of diapers, wipes, baby clothes, and practically anything else you could need. I got the Amazon app set up on my iPhone so I could do much of my shopping one-handed while nursing. Just do whatever you can do to make your life easier at this time. Soon, your son will be older and it will be easier to get out of the house and do things. For now, do what you gotta do to get through the day.

    In terms of giving you a break from holding him constantly, do you have a swing that your son likes? A swing was a lifesaver for us. I didn't leave him in it much while awake but it helped lull him to sleep for naps and occasionally he'd stay in there while awake so I could get something else done. He also LOVED his bouncy seat--the Baby Bjorn Babysitter Balance seat. We called it the 'magic chair' for awhile because it was the only thing besides holding/nursing that calmed him when he was fussy. I still use it with him in the bathroom when I take a shower (can't have my little crawler getting out of sight) so I've gotten a lot of use out of it, and I will use it with the next one, which made it worth the price ($120 or so? can't remember).

    Good luck, hope some of this helps!

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joshuas.mommy View Post
    Just do whatever you can do to make your life easier at this time. Soon, your son will be older and it will be easier to get out of the house and do things. For now, do what you gotta do to get through the day.

    i also think getting out is important. doesn't really matter what/why/how. short walks in the stroller, grocery store, somedays we never made it past the porch. put music on during the day, different kinds, fun dancing music, relaxing music, etc. watch tv. read magazines. distract yourself. let your friends and family far away know that you need them. skype with them, talk on the phone. come on the forums often. the more connected you are to people the better. i'm also really far from all family (2 hrs drive is the closest family, 1.5 hrs closest friends) and I stay home so I know the feeling. it will get better just hang in there!
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    West Salem, Ohio
    Posts
    176

    Default Re: In desperate need of help

    I was reading through and just wanted to add my thoughts

    -Ear infections can be tricky, you can go to the doc then a couple hours later baby has an ear infection. DD1 used to get them a lot, we ended up needing tubes in her ears at 9 months...

    -Baby carriers, DD3 will sometimes cry/scream until I have her settled and we start moving around.

    -CoSleeping, why doesn't co sleeping work for you? there have been some nights that DD3 sleeps only when she can use me as a paci Maybe you could try laying on the floor on a comfy blanket with a pillow for yourself. I've found that during the day we sprawl out on the floor with the fans and she sometimes falls asleep while nursing then will stay that way for awhile....

    -Will he play on the floor with you, without you holding him? Maybe if you do this more, and have a safe place he can roll around, maybe he will like to play on his own for awhile.

    -And one other thing that works with my daughter when she gets tired is that I run my finger down her forehead to the tip of her nose, and I just slowly do this over and over and she peacefully drifts off to sleep. (I'm holding her when I do this, either in our moby wrap or just in my arms.)

    I hope you can find something that will work for you two. I've already had days where all three of my girls needed me at the same time, or where DD3 would not do anthing other than be in my arms. I can only imagine having to figure out how to handle it 24/7 without letting baby cry to sleep
    One of my favorite things about DD1 was being able to sleep whenever she did, we were on her time. I guess I'm saying if he is sleeping during the day for however long, you should really try to catch up on your sleep too...
    Mother of 3 beautiful girls, and expecting baby number 4 in July

    Elisabeth ~ 9/25/07
    Eliana ~ 1/08/09
    Elivia ~ 1/22/12 ~ EBF

    with all 3 still

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