In desperate need of help

[@llli*24.hourmilktruck]

I've posted a few times about my son having major attachment issues. I'm back again because it's getting drastically worse. I know this is a breast feeding forum place and while my issues aren't just strictly breast feeding, I am hoping someone out there can help.

My son (4 months) will no longer accept the paci (he hates it now), refuses to nap during the day and is up anywhere between 1 and 3 hours during the night. The ONLY way I can get him to fall back asleep is if I nurse him. Nothing else will work. He will just lay in his crib and cry... scream... cry until I nurse him. He used to be a really good sleeper. Now when we put him down for bed after our routine he will sleep for about 30 minutes then wake up crying and I will have to nurse him again. This goes on sometimes for an hour or two until he finally stays asleep for 2 or 3 consecutive hours.

And now he has developed this awful and I mean AWFUL high pitched scream. If he doesn't get picked up within a few minutes he starts this screaming and it...is...so...loud.... We do not do the CIO method but sometimes I can't get to him at the very first sign of a fuss. Max is 2 or 3 minutes and by then he has gone from fuss to full blown crying / screaming. Again, the only thing that calms him down is nursing. I literally nurse all.day.long. And since I know some of you will ask / mention it: He hates his baby carrier, we've tried co sleeping several times and it doesn't work. I'm just at a loss of what to do. A non sleeping non napping baby is really hard to entertain for 10 hours while daddy is at work. If he does nap, it's for 10 minutes. literally.

Sincerely,
Desperate Mommy

[@llli*rakoonz]

teething? my son started doing this terrifying banshee scream when he was around 4-5 months, he'd be sound asleep, i'd be right next to him reading or something, and he's go from 0-60 in an instant, screaming like that, and i'm pretty sure it was his teeth bothering him. or else nightmares. i know some people swear by the teething tablets, but we have seen no effect using them. ibuprofen works, i use it sparingly.

[@llli*lidarln]

teething? my son started doing this terrifying banshee scream when he was around 4-5 months, he'd be sound asleep, i'd be right next to him reading or something, and he's go from 0-60 in an instant, screaming like that, and i'm pretty sure it was his teeth bothering him. or else nightmares. i know some people swear by the teething tablets, but we have seen no effect using them. ibuprofen works, i use it sparingly.

also my son NEVER napped after about 12 weeks old, until i went back to work

[@llli*24.hourmilktruck]

His gums aren't red but I haven't felt them lately to see if anything is coming through. He drools a lot and puts everything in his mouth but I just put it to his age and that's what babies do

[@llli*mommal]

Teething. But if you don't see any teeth coming through, consider taking him to the pediatrician and have them check his ears.

It is very normal for a "good" sleeper to suddenly start waking at night and needing to nurse in order to go back to bed. Often it can be chalked up to development- as babies become more mobile they start waking themselves up with their rolling and squirming?

[@llli*rakoonz]

They could just be moving around below the gums, which is pretty uncomfortable as well. (I sympathize with these poor teething babes, because my wisdom teeth have been coming through and I feel his pain, only I'm better at dealing with it, being not a baby.)

[@llli*joshuas.mommy]

You might just have a baby with an intense, high-needs temperment. I'm not sure why you think he has attachment issues? It sounds like he's very attached to you, just as he should be When my son was that age, he started waking up a lot more at night. I thought it was teething but here we are almost 4 months later and still no teeth, so that wasn't it. We just got through a period where he was literally waking up 6 or 7 times every night and generally needed to be nursed back down (though sometimes Daddy could rock him to sleep). He would go to bed and then be up an hour later, nurse, up an hour later again, nurse, up an hour later again, then usually down for 3 or 4 hours before waking for another feed, then up every hour or two for the rest of the night. It SUCKED, don't get me wrong. My husband and I were totally exhausted and at the end of our rope. Then as suddenly as it started, it stopped, and for the past two weeks he has been sleeping through the night with just one wake-up for feeding in the early morning hours. I don't know why or what happened but I'm praying it continues.

Anyway, I don't really have helpful advice on how to fix your problem, but I wanted to reassure you that it sounds normal to me. My son doesn't do the screaming thing but at that age, if I didn't attend to him immediately, he would just cry harder and harder and continue getting more worked up until I went in and soothed him. Just recently, at nearly 8 months, he has developed the ability to self-soothe back to sleep most of the time. I didn't do anything to 'help' him with this, no sleep training or CIO. It just happened one day. Hang in there, it will eventually get better for you too. In the meantime, I hope someone else has some more practical advice on how to make it easier. Good luck!

[@llli*phi]

Teething is definitely a possibility.

Either way though, I don't think what you are describing is an attachment issue. In fact as unpleasant as this type of behavior is, it's actually fairly common at four months. Four months is a notoriously difficult time to be a baby. Extreme fussiness is common at this time. Babies are becoming more alert, but still don't have the skills or understanding to cope with this new alertness. My son was an absolute nightmare at four months. He would scream all. day. long. No it wasn't crying, it was full on screaming. He was waking constantly and wanting stay awake in the middle of the night. It was really miserable, but the worst of it only lasted about two weeks and after another two weeks he became a much happier little boy.

Perhaps try some different types of carriers. Some babies are picky. If you've been using an upright carrier, try a sling or a wrap or vice versa. Local baby wearing groups sometimes have lending libraries, or you can go to a store with your baby and try some on together.

For awhile at that age, a warm bath was the only thing that would stop the evening screaming in our home. Taking my son outside for walks or even standing out on the deck with him helped a lot too. For some reason he was always happier outside. Even looking out the window with him sometimes helped.

All you can do is try to comfort your baby. Mine would simply scream and scream in my arms, and it didn't feel like I was doing much comforting. However, just being there for him helped him grow out of the screaming and clinginess. This is the time when he learns you are always there for him. This is what prevents attachment issues in the future. He will get that message, but it will take a little time to get there. Soon enough he will know that mama is always there so he can have the confidence to explore on his own, and, perhaps even more importantly, he will have some new skills to help him entertain himself. I know it is tough, but it's a normal phase for a lot of babies (mine included) and it will end. It just takes time.

[@llli*joe.s.mom]

I don't think what you are describing is an attachment issue. In fact as unpleasant as this type of behavior is, it's actually fairly common at four months. Four months is a notoriously difficult time to be a baby. Extreme fussiness is common at this time. Babies are becoming more alert, but still don't have the skills or understanding to cope with this new alertness. My son was an absolute nightmare at four months. He would scream all. day. long. No it wasn't crying, it was full on screaming. He was waking constantly and wanting stay awake in the middle of the night. It was really miserable, but the worst of it only lasted about two weeks and after another two weeks he became a much happier little boy.

I agree, it could be teething, and it never hurts to check for an ear infection (although often ear infections are associated with a refusal to nurse, which you're not seeing here) to make sure that the fussiness is not caused by pain. Once you've ruled those things out, however, I think what you're dealing with is pretty normal baby stuff. In my experience, it gets harder to put babies down for naps as they get older and more aware of their surroundings. They also become more attached to their moms (and more rejecting of others) once they learn the difference between their mom and others. This can definitely be a trial for a mom, and believe me, I am sympathetic! Joe was a very light sleeper, very hard to put to sleep, and accepted comfort from only my husband or I (often only me, despite the fact that my husband is a stay at home dad!) for many months, and it was hard. But he did grow out of it, and now he is very healthily attached to us, but getting more and more independent too. Some children are clingier than others, more shy - but that's just their normal temperament, and there is nothing wrong with it.

[@llli*lllmeg]

I'm curious-are you trying to avoid nursing baby to sleep? I ask because so many moms are admonished-often even by hcp's, to not nurse their babies to sleep, which I think is so silly-it's actually a great, usually relatively easy way to gentle a baby to sleep, it's like a secret weapon that breastfeeding moms have when they are dealing with an out of sorts baby-and it is a perfectly normal and healthy way to help a baby get to sleep and stay asleep.

Like pp, I also wonder why you think this behavior means your baby has "attachment issues." You baby is 4 months old and utterly helpless. It is normal for him to need to be comforted by someone else-just because, and particularly if he is having pain or discomfort. Seeming to need you more right now than when he was a bit younger is also normal-His brain is developing at a tremendous rate and that can cause frequent, normal behavioral changes. If you cannot get to him right away and he screams, just get to him as soon as you can. Sometimes babies do go from zero to 60 in a moment, you can only do what you can.
I am not unsympathetic; I understand how difficult it can be when a baby will not sleep, but I am just concerned you are causing yourself more stress and possibly thus less sleep by thinking that you or your baby are somehow doing anything “wrong.”