Re: feeling like nothing i'm doing is right
Mama: relax! As long as your baby is gaining weight and peeing/pooping normally, there is probably nothing to worry about here. New babies are fussy, they find normal digestive processes rather upsetting (hey- if you'd never eaten, pooped, or passed gas up to 11 days ago, you'd probably be kind of freaked out by all of that, too!), and they make all sorts of crazy noises (squeaks, grunts, gurgles, wheezes, etc.).
I doubt very much that what you're seeing is in any way related to diet. Dairy intolerance usually manifests itself with green, frothy, mucousy, and possibly blood-streaked poops, severe gas, and other allergy signs like excema or a bright red ring around the baby's anus. It does not, as far as I know, cause vomiting or make baby seem like she's choking.
That all being said, I hope you will discuss acid reflux with your doc the next time you take baby in. Powerful spit-ups, fitful sleep, plus the baby seeming to "swallow something" after she was done nursing could all be totally normal, or they could be reflux. One thing that may help would be elevating the head of your baby's sleeping surface- by placing a blanket or perhaps flattish pillow under her mattress (not IN the bed with the baby- that's a suffocation hazard). If she's a little bit upright after feedings, that may help her tummy contents stay down where they belong.
Please don't get unduly upset by spit-up. It's a very normal part of infancy! I know it can be surprising if your first baby wasn't a spitter, though.
Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"