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Thread: Thinking ahead...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    West Salem, Ohio
    Posts
    176

    Default Thinking ahead...

    So lately I've been thinking ahead to when my baby girl will wean. My family and those around me are not breastfeeding friendly. They are supportive but in an abstract way. (Other than my brothers girlfriend who BF for the first month or so, and my sister who pumped for about 6 months I am the first to actually BF). With my first daughter we were using a sippy cup most of the time by 9 months and there were no bottles by her first birthday, but she did use a binky for awhile. Then my second girl was around a year when she finished with her bottles and never used a binky. (And they started cereal and then the baby foods at the popular ages, sitting up supported, and so on.)

    But with this one, she as been EBF for 4 months now and is sitting supported, she acts interested in my food and drinks, but that is probably just normal interest in new things. She has been acting funny when nursing, kind of on and off, then fights and goes to sleep. I'm thinking that I am going to try what I read in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, can't remember the age or milestone associated with it, but I want to use whole foods instead of baby cereals and stuff. Like a small piece of banana and let her try to pick it up and eat it.

    Going a bit off subject, but what I'm wondering is if I wait til she is older to start introducing solids, can that prolong her self-weaning.
    My first two girls I pushed to reach all the 'expected' milestones, but I never pushed so hard that they stayed sad or cried much at all. With Elivia I kinda want her to stay my baby for as long as possible, but I'm also worried about BF past one year. I know many mom's continue to nurse, but I am unsure of how I feel about it. My mother and husband have already made it clear that they don't agree with BF into the toddler years. I feel like I can't just refuse to nurse her after she turns one, I didn't take the bottles and binkys of my older girls and just pitched them, but I don't think that my husband or my mom would understand.

    I know I have 8 months before I have to decide, but when I hear comments from my husband about stopping when she starts teething, or from my mom about when they can ask for it they are to old to nurse. I just want to hear from other moms who have different opinions, and were actually there. (My husband isn't from a breastfeeding community, and neither is my mother, and she didn't nurse any of us either.)

    Thanks everyone in advance, and hopefully my ramblings aren't too incoherent
    Mother of 3 beautiful girls, and expecting baby number 4 in July

    Elisabeth ~ 9/25/07
    Eliana ~ 1/08/09
    Elivia ~ 1/22/12 ~ EBF

    with all 3 still

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Cincinnati, OH
    Posts
    71

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    I started giving my daughter cereal/baby food at 4 months. After a month I noticed she had cut down too much on the nursing so I went back to ebf unitl 6 months. You can ebf for even as long as 8 months if you really want to. Enjoy that bonding time while it lasts!! But I think the whole foods is a great idea, I mash fresh banana or avacodo to my 8 month old now. My daughter will take the banana pieces and smush them in her hands lol. So that is why I mash it and feed her with the spoon. My fiance was against my bf for the first few months too, but now he has nothing bad to say about it. There are many benifits to bf beyond 12 months, maybe try to explain that to them if you haven't. Although you may be ready to wean when by 12 months too so just take it day by day. You are doing great! =)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    You can EBF for LONGER than 8months if you wanted to. You should really be your childs PRIMARY source of nutrition until the year point. A year is when weaning should BEGIN. NOT HAPPEN. Up until the year point all solids are just for practice, fun and exploration. I think it's an important part of the journey, but one that should not even be looked at until a baby is at least 6months old AND hitting the appropriate milestones. Sitting unassisted, is the big one. And I did Baby led solids so in that it's also important that they can grasp their own food and get it into their own mouths.
    It sounds like your mother and your husband are both ignorant about what is natural. And while that is understandable, neither of them are part of your dyad. It's between you and your daughter. And your daughter doesn't and won't understand about their hangups. She will only know that your breast represent love, food, comfort and security. And she will still be very much a baby when she turns one. It's really hard to talk to someone who is not yet at the 6month point about how things will be at a year. At 4months you are JUST BEGINNING to get it. You are finally out of the super overwhelming, time consuming arc where you and your child find your groove. By the time you get to the year point I'd LIKE to think that your DH will understand how important it is and you won't care so much what your mother (or ANYONE ELSE) thinks. Weaning early to due to outside pressure is such a huge mistake. It's like......other peoples happiness are allowed to outweigh the health and happiness of your child. Remember that when you are feeling weird or self conscious. Like "what's really important here? WHO do I really care about in terms of disappointment?" When you get to that place I hope that she and the bond you have developed will win.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    860

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    Greetings sugerfoot289,
    I never even knew it was possible to breastfeed a one year old. I was clueless. I had the good fortune to have a supportive pediatrician whose wife breastfed her lo for 18 months. when my doctor told me this, my whole outlook changed. It was as though a new, brighter light had been turned on in my world.
    then, I found a la Leche league meeting and I was hooked!
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    middle of IA
    Posts
    1,885

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    just this morning, i was looking down at my DS in bed nursing - he'll be one tomorrow, and we have no plans to stop - and i was thinking how when he's at the breast he looks just like a little baby still. when he's up and careening around the room and wearing pants (!) he looks so old! but he is just a little baby still ...

    anyway, that's all to say - i agree with PPs about waiting to see how you feel when you get there, and making sure you make the decision that's right for your baby and you. in the meantime, you've got 8 months of wonderful happy time to enjoy! so don't stress about it too much in advance.

    you've read the WHO recommendation to nurse til 2, right? would that hold any sway with your DH?
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,788

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    You should really be your childs PRIMARY source of nutrition until the year point. A year is when weaning should BEGIN. NOT HAPPEN. Up until the year point all solids are just for practice, fun and exploration.

    Weaning early to due to outside pressure is such a huge mistake. It's like......other peoples happiness are allowed to outweigh the health and happiness of your child.
    If a mom weans at a year because SHE is ready to be done, I have no problem with it. If a mom weans at a year because other people think nursing a toddler is "weird", then I get all My own mom weaned my brother and me at a year because she was under so much pressure- particularly from her crazy MIL (who never nursed her own kids!). My mom says she felt like she had to "sneak around" about nursing us, even before she hit the 1 year mark. When she looks back now, with the benefit of nearly 40 years of hindsight, she says that her one regret about nursing is that she allowed other people to dictate when she weaned.

    Wait until 6 months for solids, and when you do introduce them, go slow. Let baby play with them, explore them, squish them, smash them, lick them, taste them, even eat them if she chooses. Don't get hung up on rigid schedules or guidelines about what solids some stranger thinks a baby "should" be eating. Remember that until around the 1 year mark, your milk is fully capable of meeting ALL your baby's nutritional needs- and that unlike solids, it provides completely balanced nutrition.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    19

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    i am going through the same thing with my family!!! my dd will be a year old on 6/25 and they have been hassling me about weaning for 6 months! and i find now that dd is so close to one
    that i really dont want to just up and quit what we have worked so hard at and also do so well at. she is a very loving baby and she nurses very well for an almost one year old. im proud of her! i know how it feels to be kind of bullied out of nursing, they actually did it to me with my first baby, and i say if you and baby are happy and baby is thriving and meeting milestones and growing, keep up the good work mama!!! you are growing your baby with milk from your breast! it really is a true blessing to be able to do it! so congrats for 4 months down, and keep it up! dont let anyone come between that special bond with you and baby. and as someone who has made it almost one whole year, it is definitely worth it!
    audrey. SAHM mom to 3! ds 1/03(bf 10wks/ff) dd 8/07(bf 4.5 months/ff) dd 6/11( EBF 11months
    and counting!!!!
    Last edited by @llli*abcarpenter; June 6th, 2012 at 10:01 PM. Reason: forgot something

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    Hello! I am sort of in the same boat as you, as far as my family/husband's family just not coming from the BFing world. My DH will support me no matter what....probably just to make it easy to live with me on himself, lol. My mom at first said things like your mom, but I made it clear that I really want to nurse DS as long as I can, at least 2 years, and she's backed off some. I do notice, with my mom at least, the more confident I am with my decision to BF to a certain point, that I'm doing for XYZ reasons (though I realize I don't owe anyone an explanation for why I want to feed my baby a certain way), she tends to be more supportive. So I never given an inch as far as this not being right for us (well, until this week when we found out DS isn't gaining weight, bu that's another post, lol).

    What I'd tell anyone who says something to the extent of if they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old. I'd say, well, you asked for dinner tonight, so you're too old to eat. That logic just doesn't even make sense!!!!!!

    I think you should BF as long as you and baby are happy doing so!!!!! That may be 2 years, 13 months, 9 months, but I sure wouldn't let the number of months your baby is dictate that!!!! Good luck!!!!

    Oh, and one thing that got DH on board with me nursing longer, DS was about 12-ish weeks before it became not painful and somewhat easy, as we had all kinds of issues. I told DH I didn't try so very hard for 3 months to do something that I planned on quitting right away. That gave him a heads up not to push it, lol, and he saw my point.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    58

    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    My mother breastfed both my older sister and I for around a month, as long as her doctors told her she could, My mother in law nursed my husband for a month so that she could go back to work early. My son just turned four months and we supplement with formula and have begun to play with fruits, but we still nurse. First thing in the morning when he's laying on the couch with me nursing he laughs and smiles and makes a huge mess and before bed he squirms and kicks my stomach until my let down. I don't consider myself a "lactivist' because I am just doing what works for me, and I don't believe in extended breastfeeding right now, but I may someday. Before I had my son I planned to breastfeed the minimum recommended 6 months, Now I plan stopping whenever it stops working for us.
    No one else can tell you what is right for you and your baby, and I am a little frightened by your husband's refusal to 'allow' you to nurse your child past a year. What else is he going to deny your daughter as she grows if you don't stand up to him on this? I am sure there are groups he could join to help him adjust to more 'new age' parenting, or suggest that you simply express milk and give it to your daughter once he thinks she is "too old" but don't let him bully you into doing anything you aren't comfortable with, especially not because he thinks it's gross.
    You grew a person in your abdomen and fed them through a tube for nine months, now that person regularly throws up on you and all you can do is love it. If that isn't gross I don't know what else about it could be.

    ((My point was that you have to do whatever works best for you, and that at least here you'll always have support for that.))

  10. #10
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Thinking ahead...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*hippehpanda View Post
    I don't believe in extended breastfeeding right now, but I may someday. Before I had my son I planned to breastfeed the minimum recommended 6 months, Now I plan stopping whenever it stops working for us.
    What do you mean you don't "believe in it?!" You don't think it's real? Like the Easter Bunny? Or you don't think people should do it? Like Spanking or Abortion? Where on earth did you hear about a 6month recommendation? The minimum recommendation of the AAP is 1 year. And the minimum WHO rec is 2years. And the AAP is moving towards that. Where do you live?

    Way too lazy for formula

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