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Thread: Finding "normalcy."

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
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    Default Finding "normalcy."

    As a first time mom, I'm finding that the things I was nervous about (late night crying, projectile poop, unidentified wet spots) are surprisingly easy to deal with! I realize the hardest thing about being a new mom is feeling normal again. After my stitches healed from tearing during labor (they're not 100% healed, but they've dissolved and I feel better from that), I now feel... odd about BF.

    Don't get me wrong, I want to BF my 6 week old because I know all of the benefits are worth it. But all of the baggage that comes with it gets to me at times. I've heard so many people say it's such a bonding experience, but no matter what I do, it feels like a huge chore more than anything else. Part of that might be because it takes my DD an hour per feeding (LC says she's just a slow eater and likes to be "thorough" with her meals) and eats just about every 2 hours during the day. My nipples are sore almost all the time and sometimes my breasts are sore after a feeding (but not always). Night engorgement is annoying and I don't like having to wear nursing pads everyday nor do I like having to ignore most of my wardrobe and spend money on new pieces because not everything wears for easy access.

    I know all of this is pretty normal and all my BFing friends have assured me the "it gets better." And I know that what normal used to be is in the past and my new normal will somehow find its place. But I'm curious... what things have you all done to help yourselves become more comfortable with all those changes and feel overall better emotionally about BF and all that comes with it?

  2. #2
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    It will get better! I remember when a friend of mine asked me something like - don't you love how much they appreciate you nursing them - when Lilah was 2 weeks old or so. And I was wondering - WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? No, I don't love it!

    I didn't worry about clothing so much because I didn't really leave the house for the first 8 or so weeks when Lilah was tiny. I figured that my job was to feed her and sleep when I could. Also, I was recovering from a c-section so that was in the mix as well. I think that I started to hit my stride when she was around 3 months old.

    You'll get there!
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    It's such a short time in their life. And you should invest in clothes that make it easy to nurse because being able to NIP will mean that you are on the go again. And you want that to be part of your normal. But breast pad will be gone by the 3rd or 4th month mostly. You only need them while your supply regulates. And 6 weeks in is really far to young to have experienced any of the bonding. On your part. Please believe that is IS helping your child to bond. To be able to continue receive nourishment from what she sees as her life source is VERY comforting to a newborn. Being a mother is work. I think the largest mistakes that new mothers make is having expectations around fitting their new baby into the life they had before. It just doesn't work that way. It's work. It's all work. Forever. But it's the most gratifying work. Even though sometimes it's thankless work. Feed the baby. It's the most important job you have right now. The rest of it will come. Over time. But don't expect it in weeks. It's months, sometimes years of readjusting. And there is no routine that you are going to find in the next few YEARS that is going to stick. Their sleep changes every 4-6 weeks. They are continually growing and changing and learning. Their naps drop off over the years and then disappear altogether. Be flexible. And patient. This too shall pass.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    It is work, forever. And ENJOY this time. When you can sit on the couch and nurse your baby all day and read a book or talk on the phone with a friend or watch television shows aimed at people over the age of 10.

    I have a 3.5 year old and a 16 month old. I get to sit down at nap-time - IF they are both sleeping at the same time - and for an hour after bedtime - IF the baby actually goes to sleep. Otherwise, it's chase the baby all over the place, help the 3.5 year old do something, read books, go for walks, playground, snacks, don't put that in your mouth and on and on. Although, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    DON'T try to clean the house when your baby sleeps! REST!

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    Thanks, everyone! I'm happy to hear that some people didn't find BF enjoyable at first either. Makes me feel better about that part.
    I think I just need the reminders and to remind myself that 6 weeks is just 6 weeks and what's normal now won't be normal in another month and a half.

    I will say that I've been truly blessed that my Penelope is sleeping 6-8 hours at night most nights and I get the rest I need then (minus getting up from engorgement). And I'm able to take most things as they come. I'd also like to say that I left my full time job to be at home with her and I know that's a big change in itself that I'll eventually get used to.

    I guess the bridge from "here" to "there" is just a little longer than you thing sometimes.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    She may keep sleeping like that, maybe not. Just don't be too shocked or worried if she starts waking up more again.

    It takes time to re-shift your entire life and personality to being a mother. A friend of mine told me recently that the reason the second child is easier than the first is because there is already a mother in the house.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    1. Don't count on that sleep to last. And don't beat yourself up when it changes. Because it will.
    2. The bridge from here to there.....is like the wall of China. The person who you were before you had a child is over. You are still YOU. But that now will ALWAYS ALWAYS include being a mother. And in that role YOU just like your child are growing and changing and evolving everyday. How you mother your infant is not the same mother you will be to your toddler or your Kindergartner. And how you mother your 10 year old will be different than how you mother your 14year old. Relish this time. You blink your eyes and they are huge. No longer wanting to be held. To big to fit into your lap. In the throes of isolation, which will come, we all feel so isolated in the beginning, remember that. Remember to just hold your baby and look into her eyes as she nurses. And smell her hair. And touch her tiny fingers.

    Way too lazy for formula

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    For a lot of moms, breastfeeding a brand new baby is not particularly enjoyable. Don't get me wrong- bonding IS happening in the first few weeks, but it's going on at a very basic level. You're learning your baby's cues, baby is learning to turn to mom for comfort in addition to nutrition. In not too long, though, your baby is going to start giving back. She'll smile at you, make excited noises when she sees you lift up/unbutton your shirt, she will reach up and touch you. When those things start happening, breastfeeding gets a lot more fun!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
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    New York
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    Default Re: Finding "normalcy."

    I just want to say that everyone here has given such amazing advice - this site truly is a god(dess) send.
    But I just want to reiterate what everyone else has said.
    Clothes blah if you're an at home Mumma just be naked kidding, seriously I've changed my clothing style for breast feeding but it's such a short duration of your life and your babies, just go with it if you can - I just buy cheap op shop clothing and I have one or two things that i swear by and i wear all the time - I'm an at home Mum so my day is my baby at the moment and yeah it's hard sometimes and some days I have no idea what I'm doing or how I'll cope - and other days I swear I have the most amazing job in the world - and we do - and yeah normalcy doesn't exist anymore - it's something completely different but it's sooo exciting at the same time - and scary etc etc - it sounds to me like you're doing amazingly anyway and the fact that you're here finding support and getting advice means you're already an amazing Mumma I'm a first time Mum too so I'm overwhelmed by everything - but everyone says it does get easy and my LO is 10 weeks and it does get easier - she's way less fussy - I can eat again - cook food which is nice and whilst I can do the house cleaning whilst she sleeps I find I'm less likely to and save it for later and just enjoy that time reading a book or snuggling next to her - typing on this forum etc etc - things do become less stressful and you adapt!
    Adaption - we become masters at it!

    Congratulations!!!!! xo

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