Don't make yourself crazy worrying about what went wrong. Every single one of us is going to have things that we will wonder what would have happen if we did them differently. It is inevitable. You were frightened and didn't have good support; you can't blame yourself.

You need to leg go of the past, and focus on what you can do now. There are some responses in your other thread to help you with that. No matter what happens, you should be proud of yourself for going to these lengths to provide breast milk for your baby.

Stop feeling awful and give yourself credit for what you've done right!