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Thread: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    Manhattan, KS...for now.
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    Default Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    Hi ladies! I'm a noob I found myself ending up on this forum as a result of endless Googling of all the questions I had/have, and I figured it was about time to join!

    My DS is currently 5.5 weeks. I've been BFing him---albeit with a shield (thanks to the delivery nurse...but that's another story)---since hour 1. I had planned on being a babywearer and turns out, he's all for that! He's in the Moby as I type, happy snug and asleep We had not planned on co-sleeping, at least not with a family bed; he slept in his pack-n-play in our room for the first 2 weeks, then while visiting our family in Ohio (yes, we're crazy, took a road trip with a 2 week old) and not being able to sleep in the day as much I brought him to bed with us and let him nurse to sleep, which we've been doing ever since

    What does this have to do with returning to work???

    I *have* to go back, unfortunately it's not a financial option for me to be a SAHM which surprisingly I'd love! However, I'm not completely bitter about working, just nervous. I'm a Team Leader at Target, and they have awesomely consented to my schedule request (M-F 6pm-close, every other weekend regular 8-hour shifts rotating open and close). <---It'll be crazy because that means I'll be working 12 days in a row at times. But not working 8 hour shifts and working the evenings when it's a bit less stressful I'm actually looking forward to.

    I go back June 1st.

    I started pumping in the morning about a week and a half ago to get used to my pump (Avent Isis Duo) and freezing what I get. A couple days ago DH started trying to give DS a bottle for his evening feed, when I'll be back at work. DS was of course a bit befuddled at first but then took it without a problem, and did so the day after too.

    After reading up, I read that it might be easier if mom's out of the house for the bottle feeds. And...DH and I "got into it" a bit, what with me watching him like a hawk when he has DS and being bossy, telling him how to calm him down and all. It's just soooooo hard for me to hear/see little man cry and be upset!

    I know it's because they haven't had the time together like DS and I have.

    So yesterday after DH came home from work, I had a bottle ready in the fridge, and turned DS over to him. I showered and went to the store.

    It was so hard!

    I was only gone for a little over an hour, and I could barely focus on shopping, I was so worried about them!

    I'm a worrier by nature, it's not that I'm worried DH is going to do anything. I do, however, have my degrees in psychology and have read waaaaay too much about the 'damage' crying can do for newborn/infants, particularly when their needs aren't being met by their caregiver. DS just cried the whole time I was gone last night, I guess only calming down for a brief time when DH took him out for a walk. Because, currently DS only falls asleep while nursing in my arms/by my side or in the Moby.

    Still reading?

    I guess what I need to hear, even though I *know* the answers is...is this anxiety about being away from DS going to go away once I do it more often? Will DH and DS figure each other out and learn to trust each other? Will DS learn to take a bottle from DH? Will DS EVER learn to sleep not all wrapped up on me or while stuck on my breast?? Any advice or words of wisdom are welcome and appreciated! My mother never BF any of us (it was so hard being home! she's supportive but as you know, people who have never done it don't understand) so I only have y'all and the internet to turn to!
    Last edited by @llli*raejoy; May 23rd, 2012 at 11:17 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,346

    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    Welcome to the forum and congratulations on the baby and on doing such an awesome job with breastfeeding so far! At 5.5 weeks a lot of moms are still just barely getting the hang of nursing, so it sounds like you are way ahead in the game.

    To answer your questions:
    - Your anxiety may diminish or it may not. It depends on you as an individual. If you're really suffering from the anxiety, consider seeing a doc. Sometimes it's just normal mommy anxiousness, sometimes it's postpartum hormones getting you down, sometimes it's a symptom of PPD...
    - Your DH and DS will eventually figure each other out and have a grand old time together. Right now your baby is still teeny-tiny and you are his whole world. It's going to take some time for him to figure out how the daddy puzzle piece fits into his world.
    - Your DS will eventually learn to take a bottle. Try different brands/nipples, try the milk warmed up instead of cold (or vice versa) try having your DH wear baby in a sling and walk around while he gives the bottle... Eventually it's going to click.
    - Your DS will eventually learn to sleep on his own. He's not going to be ten years old and still sleeping swaddled! But the transition to independent sleep probably won't happen for a while! Slings, strollers, and swings are a godsend at this age.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,562

    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    It's really hard. The anxiety goes away - but it may take a long time. And those 12 days in a row times... that may be hard on you - although it sounds like most of those days are half days? I don't know what time Target closes. I had separation anxiety when I was away from my babies the entire time I was pumping. And then maybe a little bit after that. My oldest is 3.5 years old and my baby is 16 months. When I'm not sure if they are feeling good or I call and check on them during the day and one of them is crying, then I feel anxious about it. But not like the early days - and not as much as it was when I left Lilah. It was easier to leave Beatrix because I knew that she and her caregiver would figure it out.

    DH and DS will figure it out. Have you checked your milk for lipase to see if that is an issue for you? I know it is so so so hard, but you'll need to step back a bit and let them figure their relationship out on their own. Luckily, you will be at work for most of it. Babies love being outside - maybe he could try feeding him a bottle in the moby while walking around outside.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    Manhattan, KS...for now.
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    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    Thanks ladies

    How do I check for lipase? What would this be causing?

    I'm near sure most of the anxiety is just my personality, it's not debilitating. I hate learning/doing new things at first, I'm very much a perfectionist and it's always rough going until I have things figured out. So I'm in for an adventure for raising this boy

    Yes, M-F will only be 5-5.5 hours. I'm actually not too worried about pumping at work, I should only have to pump once since I *plan* on feeding him right before I leave. (and either feed him once I get home or pump)

    I'm trying to enjoy this time and all these cuddles...but it's still so overwhelming at times! Welcome to parenthood, right

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    middle of IA
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    1,882

    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    your work schedule sounds pretty great, except for the 12 days in a row thing!

    lipase makes milk taste soapy or vomity, sometimes. not all babies mind, and the milk is safe to feed. leave a bottle in the fridge and taste-test every couple hours for a few days, up to the max time you'd leave fresh milk in the fridge. if it does have lipase, then you'll know your cut-off for fresh milk. if you're freezing, you'll have to scald the milk beforehand.
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Shakedown St.
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    1,176

    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    Going back to work is tough, but it gets easier. I cried the first day I left mine at daycare. But then I teared up the day I took him out for the summer because he ended up loving it so much!

    Even if you don't have lipase now, you might want to do a check every month or so. I didn't have a lipase problem in the beginning, but it popped up a few months later.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    Manhattan, KS...for now.
    Posts
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    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    Interesting, I didn't know about the lipase thing. I haven't tasted my milk yet, either...guess now I have a reason to! Is there a way to not have that taste? DH said DS just doesn't seem to like latching onto the nipple

    Also, since I go back to work in a week and a half, should I be leaving every evening now to try to get him "used" to it even if it's just for an hour or two, or just wait until Friday when I go to work and let him figure it out/learn then?
    Daniel Keith + Rachel Joy = Leonel Dante [4/13/2012]

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,562

    Default Re: Returning to Work---Anxiety!

    I would probably not do it every day. But that's me and I wanted every moment I could with my baby.

    You can deactivate the lipase by scalding. Check your milk to see if it's an issue, if not, don't worry about it. We can tell you how to solve that if it's a problem for you or you can read it in the lipase thread.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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