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Thread: I feel like my baby hates me

  1. #1

    Default I feel like my baby hates me

    He just kicks me and screams at me when I offer the breast. He takes a bottle no problem but he would rather be hungry than take my breast. Even when I know he's hungry offering him the breast majes him kick and scream and cry real tears. He won't even look at me. He literally hates me I wish I was dead I'm a terrible mother all I do is cry and I can't even feed my own baby

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,913

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Welcome to the forum, mama! Your baby does not hate you, I am sure of it. Breastfeeding is natural but that doesn't mean it's easy.

    Can you tell us more about what is going on? How old is your baby? Is he nursing at all, has he ever nursed? If so, are you in pain at all when he does nurse?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    I'm just so miserable now. He is 5 weeks and was briefly bottle fed when he was ill and now just rjects me totallym he won't even make eye contact with me

  4. #4

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    He (and me!) cry constantly and I can't comfort him I feel wretched and wish I was dead I can't keep this up

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,564

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Mama, have you talked to your doctor about how you are feeling? Do you have any support around you?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Hamum please know that no baby hates their mother. Babies are incapable of hating anyone and they desperately need their mommas.
    Why your baby behaves as he does could have any number of causes but right now I am much more concerned about what you and your feelings. Please contact a close friend, family member, and your health care provider right now and discuss your feelings. These feelings are nothing to be ashamed of, many mommas have them in the early weeks, but they do indicate you could really use more help than you can get from a web forum. Some feelings of baby blues can be perfectly normal, but what you have said here is very scary to me. Please get local help for your feelings of despair now, and worry about how you feed baby later. If you cannot find a resource there I am sure mothers here have ideas but your health care provider should be abel to help you with that fastest.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
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    4,984

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Oh, my heart is breaking a little for you!

    I agree with Mommal - your baby definitely does NOT hate you. Five week old babies can be very fussy, and they don't make a whole lot of eye contact, period! It's not the most rewarding age. (That comes later.)

    Have you tried to get any hands on help with breastfeeding? Can you call a lactation consultant (preferably an IBCLC) and make an appointment?

    I'm also worried about YOU, mama. When you say you are crying all the time and wish you were dead, that sends up all of my red flags for post-partum/natal depression. It's hard to tell from just a few sentences here, but you should also talk to your doctor and get treatment if you need it, okay?

    Do you have any help at home? Anyone who could come give you a hand?

    Breastfeeding can be very difficult, but you are still in the very early days, and you CAN get through this and breastfeed your baby. But you need to seek help.

    Are you currently pumping and giving your baby your pumped milk? What kind of pump do you have? How often are you pumping?


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
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    1,176

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Has he latched at all after bringing him back to the breast after the bottles? There could be a flow preference. Did you pump while he was being bottle fed? Could there be a supply issue? All of these things are very fixable.

    If the above are not concerns, then he could just be doing what newborns do - being super fussy. You can try nursing while in motion - walking, rocking, bouncing while nursing can be very soothing. You can try taking him oustide or into the bath to nurse.

    Your baby does not hate you! Mine would scream at the breast as a newborn too. It lasted about two weeks. I had to walk around the house carrying him in a sling or in my arms to get him calm enough to nurse that entire two weeks. I cried too. I felt rejected. But it passed, and we've continued to nurse to 18 months.

    You can get through this. Take a breath. Put baby in a sling or stroller and take a walk around the block. Your baby loves you and needs you!

    ETA: I agree with PPs that you should talk to someone about depression. You shouldn't have to be so sad!
    Last edited by @llli*phi; May 22nd, 2012 at 03:30 PM.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    175

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Hey I just want to add that my LO does that sometimes as well, I offer her the breast and she turns her head in the other direction or cries... it's really hard sometimes to understand why she does it but she does, I normally just try and do something else with her and try again - if he's really hungry he will latch, remember that bottle feeding is so much easier for baby- the milk flows out they don't really have to work for it - you need to be patient, I know it's hard - but your baby loves you and if you're distressed he'll sense it and cry even more, he can sense your heart beat and he knows your smell so well so by being stressed all these things change from normal to something he's not use to.
    I rock my little girl and then bring her onto my boob, (it means being topless quite a bit) sometimes she takes it other times she doesn't, giving her the boob just before she wakes up works as well - you just need to try different things and I"m sure you have but keep trying, when you can't cope anymore - put him gently down and do some deep breathes, make yourself a cup of tea, smile at him and tell him everything is ok, don't starve him but try to not give him the bottle, definitely don't starve him ha ha .... but you need to relax a bit more and he will as well - trust me I've been there I really have - and being strong and supportive is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your child that desperately needs and loves you.... trust all the mummy's here - he adores you.... just be patient, deep breaths and know everything is going to be ok... x

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    New York
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    175

    Default Re: I feel like my baby hates me

    Also remember nothing stays as it is now, everything is always changing and so will this difficult period... know you are well and truly supported here... x

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