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Thread: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Default Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    I'm really happy that I've been able to nurse my son this long and didn't plan on stopping because of my pregnancy but I feel that I must in order to get enough rest. I do shift work at 5 am four mornings a week that is very physically demanding. It was hard getting thought the first trimester but we had already used Dr. Jay Gordon's website to night wean and that worked magically for night-waking. But then he started to stay up later at night, sometimes hours so that I am up until 10pm with him. My husband tries to help but he has never wanted anything except to nurse to sleep when I am there. He is still cosleeping, which we are fine with. We have had a couple of hopeful nights when he was able to nurse a little and then drink milk from a cup and put himself to sleep, but he now refuses anything but my breasts. Since they are very sore from nursing and have been since I got pregnant, I just can't tolerate this nighttime routine any longer and feel the only way is to wean. He has been extra irritable lately and may still be getting his last two molars but I'm not sure.

    I wish there was a middle of the road solution, but I think I really just want a break before having my second and starting over. Besides to get to sleep at night he want to nurse when I pick him up from daycare and in the mornings on my days off. Often more when I at home, to nap, etc. I just don't know how to do this at all.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    How old is your son? Can you try to wean him off the bedtime nurse and keep the others for now? I am thinking maybe you could do the first part of the bedtime routine with him and have DH take it from there.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  3. #3
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    Mar 2012
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    Default Re: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    I'd love to be able to droP the bedtime nursing, as it is the most frustrating for me, but it also the one that my LO seems the most attached to. We've tried shorter naps, putting him down earlier, etc. but he can get incredibly wound up in the bedtime process, like it's getting stressful and then things go downhill. We've has a pretty solid routine for about a year that includes reading and cuddling. I haven't been willing to give up my bed at night because it is the only one that I can sleep on comfortably during pregnancy, but it would be with it to try, even for part of the night while my DH puts the LO to bed. Wh have tried this and it usually results in tears but he may be more receptive after the other changes we have already made. Thx!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    I feel really defeated by this right now, as though I don't have the power to get him to sleep at night without nursing, let alone to wean completely. I guess I got it in my head that that is the only solution - to not have any milk to offer- rather than an alternative. Now that it's hot enough we've started putting him in the pool to swim after dinner which might help him get his 'wiggles' out, it also seems to calm him down at the same time. My husband thinks I am also letting him nurse for too long at bedtime, that we should try to shorten it and then let him take over. Im going to try this for another week, and I really hope that he responds, we need to have some peace at night.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    You have already gotten good advice from PPs, but I'll share with you what I did. I got pregnant when Lilah was 17 months old and my husband took over bedtime when she was 20 months old. I had been nursing her to sleep in her room - in her full size bed - and then cosleeping with her after she woke up the first time. The bedtime nursing session was the worst! I don't remember why, but I do remember pinching myself while she was nursing to keep from yelling at her. So, that obviously needed to stop. The first night that my husband did bedtime was hard. She screamed "mama, mama" over and over for 45 minutes. But I knew that I could not handle the nursing at bedtime anymore and that I could not be the night-time parent for two children. I also knew that she was with her father who loves her as much as I do and I do not consider that to be crying it out. Anyway, it took about a week, but they developed a bedtime routine that is fun for them and their relationship really blossomed! And she started magically sleeping 6 hours in a row - she had only been going about 3 at the most before that. Three months after that, my DH took over the entire night with her and she was fine. Sometimes she needed him to sleep in there with her, sometimes she just needed a drink of water or something like that.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    I am of the opinion that it's not CIO if a caring parent is right there with the child. So if there are a few tears but he has daddy right there for (non-breastfeeding) comfort, and you stick to this for a few nights, he may understand that this is the new normal and accept it without tears. That is the concept behind the Jay Gordon method IIRC. When I nightweaned then-19 mo-old DD1 while pg with DD2, I would go into her room (wearing a high-necked shirt) and offer every comfort she could want other than nursing. She cried (and I mean pretty hysterical fits) for a few minutes for 2-3 nights but finally let me rock her and then, miraculously it seemed, actually stopped nightwaking altogether. This from a girl who had been waking up to nurse at least twice a night for her whole life to that point.

    That was for middle-of-the-night nursing, not bedtime, so a little different. Actually, with bedtime you have more options because you can rework the routine as well.
    I'm not saying that is a one-size fits all solution, but I do think having a parent physically and emotionally present for the child and being consistent are both important.

    HTH

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    12

    Default Re: Pregnant 15 weeks and need to wean almost two year old

    So, it's been another week and I'd like to report back with the progress that my family has made as far as putting my LO to bed at night. I am very thankful that we had already really begun this process months ago with the Dr Jay Gordon method for night weaning, so this wasn't an abrupt change to our routine. Really, the worst was already behind us as far as my LO learning to accept other comfort than nursing to get back to sleep at night, and has needed help only on a few occasions beyond that.

    First I tried my best to keep things as calm and peaceful as possible during dinner and the bedtime routine. We added a little swim in the pool, which is (a luxury, I know) and helps to calm everyone and get some of the extra energy out..then straight to the tub, light snack, brush teeth and into bed, one half to one hour earlier than what we had been doing. I think my son was actually a little sleep deprived as well from staying up so late. I'd let him nurse, but only as long as it was comfortable then say that "milkies need to go nite nite" and offer him a sippy cup of water. Each night he would get upset at being detached from me but the cry weakened a little until last night he almost didn't even get upset and didn't cry at all. He just said 'milk all gone,' like I had been telling him at this point also, then accepted his cup and laid down on my shoulder. My DH also comes to bed with us at this point for support, because I have been known to lost my patience at any point in this process. Last night it came when the LO just would not actually go to sleep for over another hour, which is by far the longest this has taken. Most nights it actually had gone quite well and I've been able to get an extra 1-2 hours of sleep, which feels wonderful and I trust that this small step back is part of the process and it will continue to get better. Eventually, I do think that it would be a good idea to transition the whole bedtime routine to my DH before the new LO arrives, and feel like we are on our way there already. We also introduced a small plush monkey to our family bed that is comforting to the LO, so that he has something else when I am not there, and can eventually take with him to his own room. He likes to give his monkey kisses and offer him his drink (I have let him have a little juice in his water or some whole milk instead if he insisted but will try to stick with only water) and also offers him to Mom and Dad for goodnight kisses

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