My first son, born in July of 2010, was extremely hard to nurse in the beginning. I have never been so determined to make something work. It was pure hell the first 5 weeks of his life. Latch issues, supply issues, vasospasms, you name it. My original goal was to reach one year. After the first week, my goal was to make it two weeks. Here we are, he is 21 months old, and I just nursed him for the last time 4 days ago.
First let me say, I am so proud of the accomplishment of nursing him for as long as I did. I loved nursing him. I am proud that he is growing up, becoming more independent, and heading to the next stage. I am also relieved to have my body back to myself for a while.
I pushed nursing during the past couple months because I am pregnant, due with baby #2 in October. My supply took a huge dip, my nipples were sore, and I couldn't imagine tandem nursing. I have slowly been cutting out feedings. However, it did end rather abruptly. If you would have asked me a week ago if he would be completely weaned as of today, my answer would have been no. I night weaned him (finally) about a month ago, and had him down to 3 feedings a day. Wake up, nap time, and bedtime. I started thinking, I bet I can get him off completely. So I tried it. No nursing at bedtime. He did so well with it, I decided to go for nap time the next day too, a little struggle, but nothing major. When he begged me during the day I put vinegar on my nipples and told him the milk went bad. He asked to try anyway, and looked up at me in utter disgust. Before I knew it, we were done.
Now, at day 4 post nursing, I am feeling overwhelmed with sadness. He had his first night terror, has been slightly more defiant, and yesterday, felt very distant from me. So many things are running through my head. Did I end it too suddenly for him? Did I lose his trust? Did I damage the bond I have been working so hard for the past 21 months? The other thoughts include, looking down at him nursing, knowing we will never have quite the same level of closeness. Also, how much he enjoyed nursing, and the guilt I feel for taking it from him. Ugh.
Any support, similar stories that got better, or advice would be greatly appreciated!