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Thread: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

  1. #1
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    Dec 2008
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    Default Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    My LO is 6 weeks old and has colic. 4-5 evenings out of the week we dance, rock, bounce, sing, and cry for hours! I know this is short lived and I hope it goes away soon, but since it just started I am fairly sure we have weeks to look forward to it I try wearing her, but she hates the sling. Sometimes swaddling helps some. She wants to suck, but then gets aggravated when the milk lets down, probably cause she is so full from all the milk, and refuses to take a pacifier, so normally by the end of the night I am rocking in the chair with her sucking on her hands and screaming after she refuses to try to comfort nurse from me. It goes on for hours! First question, she seems like she would be happier if she would take a pacifier, but she won't take one, any suggestions? Second question, I have no help. My hubby has been on mandatory overtime at work since she was born, and has to be up early, and normally she starts right as he goes to bed, or he is already in bed before she tarts. So there are times in the night I just put her down and let her cry in the bouncy seat, just for a break. No more than 5-10 min, but I feel so guilty just having her sit there, and if she isn't just crying in her seat, then I just sit with her in me arms screaming, but by the halfway point I am wore out! I don't only have my newborn, but busy in the day with a 5 and 3 yr old boys, so there is no sleeping in or napping...lol. Should I feel awful having to have this reprieve at times. It breaks my heart to see her sitting there crying, but she would be crying the same in my arms, and it isn't long, I just feel she is so mad at times....which I know she isn't, its just something they have to grow out of, but it just makes me feel bad, but physically I just can't go on any more, when I need those rest!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    can you get her suck on your finger with nail side down on tongue? still means you're not hands-free but satisfies the suck need. I think it's okay to take a short break to pee, get a drink of water, or whatever to recuperate but I know I was never able to really feel not guilty about doing.
    Maybe if you work on her with the sling when she's happy and well-fed, if you keep trying, she'll get used to it. I say that, but I never could get my little guy to like the sling until much more recently, like 4-5 months.

  3. #3
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    I would say tuck her in the sling and walk around, doing what you have to do, even if she is crying. I had several cranky babies, and this is what I ended up doing with them. They eventually learned the sling was a happy place.

    Try wrapping her in the sling and sitting on a balance ball and bounce her. I did that a LOT with my third, who would not let anyone but me hold him at all and he was very colicky and high needs. I tied him to me and sat on that ball eating dinner, for example, bouncing him up and down while he fussed.

    It is actually better to cry in arms than if you stuck her in a crib to cry. But if you reach a breaking point, that is better than getting upset yourself.

    Try comfort nursing on the same side you last nursed on. She won't get as much milk all at once.

    Could she have reflux? All four of mine did, but the two who were super colicky had really bad reflux. One didn't get diagnosed until he was some months old.

    It's hard.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  4. #4
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    Apr 2012
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    I'm in the same boat with my 5 week old. We are going to the doctor today to talk about reflux. We tried just about every brand of pacifier till we found one that she is kinda tolerating, but she still isn't a big fan. It might take her a while to get used to it like her sister did, or she just may not want one, but we will keep trying till she figures it out.

    Don't feel guilty. I have to put her down sometimes just so I can continue to remain calm. Just walk away for a few minutes, gather my thoughts and return when I'm calm. I like to think that it prevents her from sensing how frustrated I am. Even if that is a little naive, it's a safe practice anyway.

  5. #5
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    Oct 2010
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    Taking a break and letting her cry is better than doing something you're going to regret!! Have you tried anything other than the sling? DD decided all of a sudden she dosnt like the sling but is fine with the moby or the ergo
    Married to my High School sweetheart 5-15-04

    SAHM to:
    born 6/1/10 tongue and lip ties nursed 13 months with sore nipples and mutually agreed it was time to quit!
    born all natural 1/27/12 nursed for 16 months and lost interest
    1/1/14

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    Yes she has reflux, and this is completely different. She is being treated for her reflux and is fine all day long, until the evening at about the same exact time every day, like within 30mins. Its not a scream of pain, but a just cry for hours long. She will tolerate the sling while I am vacuuming, but the boys are in bed or close to it by the time she starts, so I can't do a whole of that, and I couldn't for hours anyway. When I take my breaks, it isn't so much from me being emotionally frustrated, just physically exhausted. I usually place her in her bouncy seat grab me a snack, something to drink, and normally is talking to her while doing it, and bouncing her with my foot while eating it. Sometimes when it is late and I am just tired I will just cuddle her and let her cry, no rocking, dancing or anything, but I feel it is better than just letting her sit crying. I haven't got to the point where I can't take it emotionally, I understand that it is nothing I am doing wrong, she is clean, fed, etc etc.... she just needs to blow off steam or whatever, but I physically get tired of it,and my back aches. I will try the exercise ball, cause she sounds like she would love that! The nursing I have to block feed from one breast at a time anyway cause I have OALD, so I know all the symptoms of reflux and such.... my second son I went through this with thinking it was colic, and after making adjustments for my OALD and his GERD everything improved.... we already went through everything with her and she was fine except for the last few weeks.... this is true colic as my ped told me. She literally crys at the same time every evening for 3-5 hrs for no apparent reason 4-5 nights out of the week.... its crazy. She likes the vacuum and sometimes the sound of the dryer will calm her, but all while bouncing, dancing, or rocking. As far as the sling goes I also have a Moby I haven't tried yet, only because what am I supposed to do after she falls asleep, I would hate to wake her trying to get her out of it and start it all over again? No she won't suck on my finger for long,and we have been trying to get her to take a pacifier from day one, but if she wants to suck its either me, or some weird sucking/biting she does on her hands which might be okay for her it just doesn't look very soothing...lol

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    Sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you're doing a great job, though. Hang in there. Keep trying the sling or another carrier - once she's in there keep bouncing/moving and she might settle. I've never dealt with colic before but I can share my tried and true trick for when my babies were really wound up and overstimulated/overly tired - go into a bathroom (one without windows is best if you have it), close the door, turn off the lights, and turn on the fan/vent. Something about the darkness and the white noise seems to really settle them (just like the womb, I guess!). You mentioned that she calms a little while vacuuming, so this might work. Better yet, swaddler her up tight, then go in the dark bathroom with the fan on and bounce her up and down. Worth a shot... Keep up the good work, Mama!
    Blessed with DS - born 9/2/09 - nursed/pumped for 12 months
    Blessed with DD - born 3/27/12 my dreamfeeder

    903 ounces donated.
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  8. #8
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    Apr 2008
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    So sorry you are having to go through this. My first had colic, and it was truly one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with. It sounds like you are doing great. I really think there is no cure for colic other than time. It will eventually end. Until that point, keep trying different techniques, but don't expect a miracle. Dealing with true colic is different than dealing with a typically fussy baby. Life becomes more about survival and just getting through that awful time of night, than anything else. You need to take care of yourself first if you are going to be able to take care of your children. Sure it would be best to carry or wear your baby girl 24/7, but if the sling isn't working and you need a quick break, take it. You need to eat, take a quiet moment, pee, cry, whatever... You will not cause any long term issues if you set her down for 5 to 10 minutes. My son also would never take a pacifier, and he couldn't really comfort nurse due to my OALD/OS. Eventually, he learned to suck on my finger. It was less than ideal, but it did work.

  9. #9
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    Mar 2012
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    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    Hello...no, don't feel bad. We've had two colicky babies, the first one we took a while to work out what it was and in the meantime got really frustrated with the endless crying and screaming at night. I remember leaving her in a Moses basket for 10-15 mins at times just to get a break. She's absolutely fine 3 year old now. With our 2nd baby, now 8 weeks old, we are going through the same thing. She also does the frantic sucking on a finger, or her fist, and will nurse endlessly apart from when she is really too full, and getting really really tired, then she kind of gets too frantic for the nipple and turns away. When I'm really really tired I just go to bed with her and hold her, keep my hand firmly on her tummy which helps, and wait till it goes away, sometimes several hours. It's exhausting, especially when you have older children to get up for the next day, but it won't last forever.

    I think the biggest lesson for me was that I can't actually help, apart from loving her there is sometimes nothing I can do, and that's OK. It's somehow worse if I imagine there's something I can do to help other than holding her - I get more stressed about finding a solution. Keep breathing deeply, and look after yourself - your LO will pick up on any anxiety or stress you feel. Good luck!bb
    Mama to Iris and Jess, learning to take it all more slowly b

  10. #10

    Default Re: Colic Frustration...should I feel bad?

    Now if you tell me you have an oversupply we will officially be the same person! HAHA Here is what I wish I could have told myself: Breath, you are NOT a bad mom, nothing you did caused your baby to have colic. What worked best for us was the 5 s's. I swaddled her tight in one of the swaddle me brand swaddlers with the velcro so it would stay tight. Then I put her in a baby swing on the highest setting it would go on. (Only the one that went side to side helped. She hated the front to back motion.) Then I downloaded one of the white noise CDs from iTunes. The cute stuffed animals were never loud enough. I put the white noise on to as high as it took to calm her down. Because of my oversupply my daughter always wanted to comfort suck and then would get upset when milk would come out. She would suck and then be so stuffed she would spit up all the extra. We tried every kind of pacifier every night until she FINALLY took one. She also hated the sling. She was only happy in the Moby wrap but any jersey fabric wrap would work. She liked it most when she was only in a diaper and I was only in a bra. At around 3 months I read an article about a new study that showed huge success in treating colic babies that were given probiotics. I went out to my local pharmacy and got a liquid version of a probiotic for babies. Within a week she was showing huge improvements. You can find the article on parenting (dot) com. I too had to walk away from my baby at time to take a break. I lived in a different country from my family and was doing it all solo. My daughter is now a year old and is an extremely happy baby! I believe there is something wrong with babies who have colic and they are trying to tell us about it. I continue giving my daughter probiotics daily till this day. The best part is that even if it was a complete placebo affect, unlike medication, there is no harm in giving them! Good luck and hang in there!!!! You are doing great mommy!

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