Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: bed sharing, breastfeeding, and pacifying - need advice!

  1. #1

    Angry bed sharing, breastfeeding, and pacifying - need advice!

    hey mamas. my husband and I are having a tough time during the night with our 4 month old baby girl. this is what's going on... sorry for the long post, but I want to make sure I share all that I can because I am DESPERATE for help.

    when she was first born, to about 8 weeks, she slept beautifully in her own bed, which I kept and still keep within an arms reach of where I sleep. and then we would put her in bed with us around 4a to finish out the night. she was such a fantastic sleeper until my husband went out of town for work for 4 weeks! before then, we were able to lay her down fully awake and she would happily fall asleep on her own and she only woke up to nurse once or twice a night. but when he left, she began waking up every hour to hour and a half. *so naturally, I would feed her with each waking and I began nursing her to sleep every night instead of just laying her down.*

    now, we are all back together again, but traveling as a family, and we have been in a hotel for a couple months. the hotel gave us a crappy pack n play, which she protested sleeping in from the start. (I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to sleep in it either.) *so that, combined with her terrible sleeping habits that began at 8 weeks, led us to bed sharing every night with the hope that we would all be rested again like we were when she was a newborn.*

    but now that we are bed sharing 100% of the time, he and I are completely exhausted. i can't just nurse her and have her peacefully go back to sleep. she wants to pacify on my breast*ALL NIGHT LONG and when I try to pull away from her she cries and cries. i even wait to pull away until shes in a deep sleep and she still wakes up. my husband will get up and try to soothe her when we know she has a full belly but she's just not having it. *she will cry and cry until we put her back on the breast. it's heart wrenching for all 3 of us. I wish I was content to let her pacify all night long, but I'm just not getting any sleep....it's keeping me awake. she sleeps for 12-14 hours a night consistently (with frequent wakings of course) so the fact that I'm not getting any rest is insane.

    I thought maybe she became insecure about nighttime sleeping when dada went out of town, but things have only gotten worse since he came back.*

    here are some other things to share *that might help you guys help me...
    I am able to lay her down for naps during the day, mostly for only a half hour to an hour, but only if I nurse her to sleep and make sure she is in a deep sleep before trying.*
    we do nap nurse a lot too though.*
    she absolutely will not take a pacifier at home...I have tried and tried. I try to slip it in her mouth but it makes her angry. but she will sometimes take a paci in the sling or stroller.
    she's been teething since she was 8 weeks, but now at 4 months, is REALLY teething in full force with a lot of fussiness, pain, and diarrhea.
    she is going through some pretty big milestones right now...rolling in both directions as of last week, she made a pretty big effort to crawl today and I'm pretty sure she will be crawling by the end of the week, she wants to pull herself to standing constantly. I know milestones can interfere with a baby's sleep habits. could this be the cause of her nighttime insecurity?
    I have read 'the no cry sleep solution' and the techniques work sometimes, but currently, nothing works.

    i want to love bed sharing and my husband really loves it. but I am just exhausted. *how can we get her to nurse and peacefully fall back to sleep without mama as the pacifier?

    I am typing this with her at my breast, help!!! and believe me, I know how fortunate i am that nursing and pacifying on me is her favorite place, but I have to have a break every now and then.
    Last edited by @llli*rls1127; April 10th, 2012 at 10:03 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,419

    Default Re: bed sharing, breastfeeding, and pacifying - need advice!

    The first advice I have for you is don't try or expect anything to be like the 1st 8weeks. It was a fluke and while you were VERY VERY lucky to get such a strange stretch out of a new born it's not really that normal and besides that NOTHING in terms of sleep is going to stay the same for longer than usually 4-6 weeks at a time. So even the part where she did it for 8 straight weeks is a little suprising. And a gift. But let go of trying to get back there. If you get some other great stretches the first year BONUS! But so often right around 4months people are blaming the crappy sleeping on a cold, or a move and really it happens to most of us. There is a link on Kellymom that talks about the wakeful 4 month old. You can't fix it. You need to accept it and know that it will pass. But it may get worse before it gets better.
    2nd, yes her milestones will interfere with sleep and so will teething.
    3rd when are you going home? When will you not only have the option of bedsharing or a crappy pack and play? Because it's not really reasonable to think that she is going to be able to bedshare with you at this age and not want full access to your breasts if she is laying next to you. She can smell your milk. It'd be like you or I sleeping on the floor of a bakery and not want to eat doughnuts. The only thing that might help is nursing her down, then once you think she is in a deep sleep, give her 20 more minutes BEFORE you try to unlatch her (she may pop off on her own if you give her the 20 minute investment) and then YOU MOVE. Have your DH sleep between the two of you so she can't smell you and she may not wake as often.
    But as far as other strategies it seems like anything else would be futile to even try until you guys are back in your house and you have a separate sleep space for her that is reasonable.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,419

    Default Re: bed sharing, breastfeeding, and pacifying - need advice!

    Also at this particular juncture which we all hit where they won't sleep without us touching them I think all of us that are/were suffering really do better by learning to nap. Which I mastered right around the 4month point because the sidelye nursing was so effective finally. Not all his naps but I would grab AT LEAST ONE at that age. And he was likely to stay down for 2+ hours if I would stay with him in the bed at that nap. So try to grab some extra sleep during the day. You need 8hours in a 24hour period. But once you become a mother they don't all need to be in a row. Grab 2 during the day and stay in bed late in the morning if you can. I know the 8-10 am stretch was lovely at that age if you can stay in bed.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,786

    Default Re: bed sharing, breastfeeding, and pacifying - need advice!

    with the PP. What you're experiencing is horrible, but also normal. I'd take a look at Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" for a realistic look at infant sleep and for gentle techniques for encouraging more independent sleep.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •