Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 9 of 10 FirstFirst ... 5678910 LastLast
Results 81 to 90 of 94

Thread: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

  1. #81
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    74

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Thank you guys. I am going to do my best and work up the courage to talk to DH/MIL calmly tonight. I had a long day at work to think about my own emotions and I think I'm able to keep them checked tonight. It's probably not that big of a deal - I'm just feeling very overwhelmed because of the aches, pain and lack of sleep (that really clouds my judgement). Both DH/MIL don't mean any ill, they are both trying to help... but it's to the best of their knowledge and not neccesarily best for the baby and I. I was really exhuasted from last nights antics and snuck out of work 2 hours earlier so I could get home at a decent hour. I called ahead of time, so MIL knows she shouldn't feed the baby. I'm typing this post after spending a full hour snuggling with the baby and EB her.

    I also spoke to my boss and told him he needed to respect the fact that I am still on maternity leave. I have been working up until I was rushed to the hospital to give birth. Heck, he even called me when I was getting my epidural and asked if I could work on a financial spreadsheet. DH was pissed off I picked up the phone call.

    The only reason I still go to the office, is because the boss ropes me in with sob stories about how he can't handle something and needs my help. A coworker had lunch with me today and told me I was being "used" and the boss was exploiting my kindness. She said I had to grow a spine and just tell him firmly, I wanted to finish out my maternity leave or at least work from home. (He owes me about 2 months worth of paychecks and keeps "promising" to pay me if I just help him with this one last thing). My coworker bluntly told me she had heard him brag about how he's getting "free labor" out of me (she's his secretary so she hears a lot of stuff from her desk).

    She is the reason why I stood up to my boss and told him I was leaving and not coming back until he sends me a check for the money he owes me. DH called on my drive home and I proudly told him I stood up for myself and won't be going back to work until I got paid...

    ...I hope I did the right thing because I'm totally panicking hahahahaha

    My other job is in sales, the hours are a bit more flexible since I can switch shifts with other people and it's a lot closer to home. Hopefully I stop being a "lazy bum" (as DH affectionally likes to call me) and start getting my act together before MIL takes over completely. As soon as DH gets home from work, I will (hopefully calmly/maturely) tell them I'd very much like to try cosleeping with my daughter and EB as much as possible when I am home. As many of you mentioned - I'm probably not voicing my thoughts coherently enough and I should sit down and just tell them what I want. Maybe that's all it takes to clear up the air... One friend said I should just give him a box of earplugs for Father's day and smile sweetly into his face...

    Lilah's mom - It could be a cultural thing... Asian mother's tend to come over and "take over" child-rearing while the young mother rests/goes back to work. In fact, my sister-in-law has 3 kids (planning on a 4th) and not once did she raise any of her children. MIL is really god-sent... without hesitation, she stepped in a raised all 3 children until they were school-age. Since MIL lives with me... I became their "2nd mother." Even now, the children still prefer to be at my house (where they were raised) and the younger ones bawl everytime their father comes to pick them up. As a matter of fact, the children have already made a "pact" this weekend. They are spending summer vacation at my house everyday!

    MIL doesn't mean to just "take over," but I guess I get extremely defensive and upset when she assumes I will be like her daughter. I am a hands-on mother - I have a feeling I will be one of those "tiger moms" when my child grows up - but that is only because of my secret fear of turning into SIL. Her daughters are closer to me, then they are to mommy. They rather hang out with Aunty, even though I am the stricter/firmer then their parents. SIL spoils her children rotten; Everytime they go home, she gives them makeovers, junk food, buys them new clothes/toys, etc.... yet they still prefer to be with grandma and I. I am not trying to take away grandma's time with the baby... but I don't expect her to become "mama-bear." I want her to know that "mama-bear" is a roll I fully want to take on and she is more then welcome to be "grandma-bear." I know she is worried I don't want her in the baby's life (she is very attached to the little tyke already) and that is NOT the case at all. She lives with us I doubt I can ever "detach" her from my life, even if I tried (which I will not). I just have to let her know, when it comes to feeding the baby, this will be my job. Heck, it can even be my only job. She is welcome to give the baby baths, do ALL the household chores and play with the baby - especially the poopy diaper changes! hahaha

    DH and I treat our neices just like they are one of our own - we've been raising them under our roof since they were infants. That means I do everything with them; taking them to the library... making sure their homework is done... getting them off the tv and outside playing under the sun... taking them to their doctor appointments... signing them up for summer camp so they aren't sitting at their parents house watching tv all summer... etc. etc. I am not a mother who treats her child like a barbie doll; I frown upon putting makeup on the little children, showering them with new clothes, feeding them ice-cream/candy before dinner or painting their nails in weird colors meant for adults (like black or siren red, etc.)

    I am willing and happy to make sacrifices so my child is happy - just like I did for my nieces. I couldn't breastfeed my nieces, but if given the choice - I would've gladly done so to improve their health. If I were to analyze myself (like a therapist)... perhaps I think breastfeeding will bond my daughter to me and she will never ever ever ever be like her cousins - she will never reject mommy.

    Hence, when my daughter cried the other day and rejected my breast.... I, too, burst into tears because my fear had come true. She preferred grandma instead of me. I voiced that fear to DH and he actually laughed and told me I was overreacting.

    ...aaaand I'm rambling again. Sorry ladies! I just have so much pent up emotions and jumbled thoughts, all my posts turn into essays! I will take it one step at a time. Everything you've told me is true - this situation is clearly not working for me and I need to just sit down and talk to DH/MIL about everything. 3 heads are better then 1...

    ...we'll see what happens tonight
    Proud of Baby

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*LaurenC View Post
    Lilah's mom - It could be a cultural thing... Asian mother's tend to come over and "take over" child-rearing while the young mother rests/goes back to work. In fact, my sister-in-law has 3 kids (planning on a 4th) and not once did she raise any of her children. MIL is really god-sent... without hesitation, she stepped in a raised all 3 children until they were school-age. Since MIL lives with me... I became their "2nd mother." Even now, the children still prefer to be at my house (where they were raised) and the younger ones bawl everytime their father comes to pick them up. As a matter of fact, the children have already made a "pact" this weekend. They are spending summer vacation at my house everyday!
    I get that this is cultural - but this makes me sad. This, to me, would not be heaven sent. I would not want my MIL or even my own mother to mother my children. I WANT to mother them. I WANT to be their mother - I don't want to wait and hope that when I have a son and move in with him and his wife that I can be a mother to some children.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #83
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*LaurenC View Post
    I just have to let her know, when it comes to feeding the baby, this will be my job. Heck, it can even be my only job. She is welcome to give the baby baths, do ALL the household chores and play with the baby - especially the poopy diaper changes! hahaha
    If I were to analyze myself (like a therapist)... perhaps I think breastfeeding will bond my daughter to me and she will never ever ever ever be like her cousins - she will never reject mommy.

    Hence, when my daughter cried the other day and rejected my breast.... I, too, burst into tears because my fear had come true. She preferred grandma instead of me.
    I would be very careful with how far you are willing to follow with this line of thinking. There is far more to being a mother than breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is an important and amazing mothering tool, but it is not the entirety of being a mother. If your MIL is taking on all of the mothering responsibilities other than nursing, then she may still form a bond with your baby that you do not. She is cosleeping with your baby, and that in and of itself is a really big thing for your baby. When she wakes up and needs comfort, your MIL is the first person she sees and feels and smells. And if that is okay with you as it is a cultural norm, then that is your prerogative. But from that last sentence it sounds like you don't really want your baby to see your MIL as her mother; in which case you need to take a good hard look at how much mothering she's actually doing beyond just giving unwarranted bottles.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  4. #84
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    4,007

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*phi View Post
    I would be very careful with how far you are willing to follow with this line of thinking. There is far more to being a mother than breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is an important and amazing mothering tool, but it is not the entirety of being a mother. If your MIL is taking on all of the mothering responsibilities other than nursing, then she may still form a bond with your baby that you do not. She is cosleeping with your baby, and that in and of itself is a really big thing for your baby. When she wakes up and needs comfort, your MIL is the first person she sees and feels and smells. And if that is okay with you as it is a cultural norm, then that is your prerogative. But from that last sentence it sounds like you don't really want your baby to see your MIL as her mother; in which case you need to take a good hard look at how much mothering she's actually doing beyond just giving unwarranted bottles.


    Are your SIL's children at your house now? Are you still taking them to appointments, the library, etc.? If you are, I just wanted to let you know that I would NOT be doing that - not right now anyway. I would be spending time with my own child if I was away from my lo for quite a while each day. Your relationship with your children is what you make it. If you want to be the "mother" then it's quite simple - be the mother. Meeting the needs of your child is what creates that bond. Spending time with them is what creates that bond.

    I think not going back to work is a very good idea. You are missing out on bonding with your lo, and are fortunate to have maternity leave (some people don't get the luxury) - take advantage of it and spend all day with your little one.

    As for the plugged ducts, the best way to take care of that is to nurse. You are already waking to pump, I would wake to nurse instead. Simply tell your MIL not to feed the baby at night, and instead you can nurse. Pumping isn't as effective as nursing - and this is true for getting rid of plugged ducts as well. I would also definitely stop the co-sleeping that is happening with your baby and your MIL.

    I think you really need to sit down and figure out what it is that you want and then tell your family. It's ultimately your decision to make. Right now you are allowing others to make those decisions and because you are doing so you can't really be upset with the decisions they are making. Step up. YOU are the mother, YOU get to make the decisions. NOT making the decisions is still a decision - a decision to give the power and authority over to someone else
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  5. #85
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    The Armpit of the Universe
    Posts
    248

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    I'm sorry if I come across as rude with what I'm about to say, I mean this with no disrespect to you, and my forcefulness is coming from a place of caring. I am rooting for you in getting the hang of things so you cab go on to enjoy breastfeeding and your baby. I cannot believe your husband has the cojones/impertinence to call you a lazy bum. I have not been keeping up with this thread, but I just looked through it, and you are working 2 jobs plus the 24/7 job of momming, plus trying to recover from childbirth, mastitis and abscess? That's no small feat, mama! It deserves praise and support, not negativity and put-downs. I agree with the other mamas here, and think you need to find time to lay down the line with both him and your mil. I understand how hard this is since I avoid confrontation, BUT do this for your daughter! It is important to you not to let MIL raise her, so DON'T! Stand up now so that you can continue to do so. For your baby and for you. You also need to be able to set her an example of a strong mom (you certainly are!) so she doesn't have to grow up and suffer the same difficulties, and fight the same battles with her MIL over her baby.

    Now is also the time to stand up to your boss. That isht is flat-out wrong. It sounds like you've already taken the first step, but I'd be prepared to find out what it will take to be sure you get your wages. And STICK TO YOUR GUNS! don't go in to work, don't pick up your phone, nothing until you get paid.

    To me your family situation smacks of "too many cooks in the kitchen". I would tactfully, gracefully, but FIRMLY tell them they need to back off on the advice and especially supplementing. I really think wearing your baby in a sling/wrap/what-have-you would help keep them from interfering while your back is turned. Maybe you could hide the formula can so they can't find it, though they seem determined enough to go get more. I agree with sleep suggestions provided, maybe set up the crib/cosleeper right next to your bed, so when the baby fusses you are nursing rather than baby getting a bottle. Which might be why she rejects the breast due to nipple preference.
    i really think many of your issues would be solved by dropping the bottles, and just plain nursing. You have the power to convince your family that breastfeeding is easy, if they stop meddling with it.

    Good luck!

  6. #86
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    74

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Ladies - you've all been really blunt and I appreciate it 100%! All of your encouraging words and suggestions have been very helpful and I've been doing my best to step-up and smooth things over with MIL/DH.

    Things have improved a bit since my last post. DH is still very against co-sleeping with the baby in our room, but MIL said she'll try to wake me when the baby is up at night. I haven't made it into a big deal, but I subtly started taking over a lot of things from MIL. She could tell I was upset over something (Monday morning, I was crying in my room as I posted and felt really ill the entire day) and she probably overheard bits of DH/my argument. DH must've said something to her as well, since she came in later that afternoon and practically shoved the baby into my arms and said "Go! Feed her! She's hungry!"

    I haven't confronted anyone, but since my last post, the baby is practically glued to my side. In the early mornings, I would go get her from MIL's room and bring her over to my bed, while DH is getting ready for work. Then, the baby would be near me for the entire day - EB and diaper changes - until close to midnight, when she'd have her last feeding and go back to MIL's room for sleep. That only leaves the 3am feeding, which MIL said she can wake me up for... this way DH won't be startled awake by the baby crying.

    MIL loves giving the baby her baths and it's really the only thing she gets to do now (besides playing with the baby on occasion)... so I didn't begrudge her that. Naturally, if she was tired or busy making dinner, I'd be more than happy to give the baby a bath.

    I’m not sure how this will play out. It’s only been 2 days of EB; I haven’t pumped at all and there have been no plugged ducts.. YAY!

    I’m just worried the baby isn’t getting enough – she’s been feeding almost every 2 hours and I feel like we’ve reverted back to the days when I just came home from the hospital. Usually, with the bottle, she would easily take 4 ounces and be satisfied for 3-4 hours. Now, she barely drinks for 5-7 minutes per breast, before falling asleep. I’ve been trying the ”burping” routine, “stripping” routine and even the “singing/dancing/tickling” routine to get her to drink more... usually with pumping, it's 30 minutes/both breasts/simulteaneously. 5-10 minutes seem so short!


    We'll see how the rest of this week plays out. I might have to spend some afternoon's at my other job, but I think DH/MIL knows how much I want the baby to be with me when I am not at work. I am the mother.

    Sch's Mommy - yes, all of SIL's children were raised in my household. We (mostly FIL/MIL) take them to school, feed them, do HW with them, play with them and in every way, act as their parents. Now that the oldest one is old enough to take care of herself, she's started going back to her parents house, but during the weekends (when there is no school), she refuses to stay there. The younger ones are still here. All of them prefer it here too.

    We treat them like they are our own and they call my daughter, their "sister". I still remember - at the hospital, DH was leaning over the baby's crib and cooing, "Can you say Daddy? Daaaaddy. Da-Da!"

    The youngest girl snickered and came over to my side to whisper, "Uncle called himself 'Daddy'!! Can you believe it? He's not 'Daddy'... he's suppose to say 'Uncle'!!"

    DH and I thought it was so incredibly cute; I remembered giving her a big hug and kissing her forehead while DH and I laughed to tears. See - in her mind, she has "Daddy/Mommy" mixed up with "Uncle/Aunty"... her little mind could not understand why "Uncle" was now calling himself, "Daddy"... or why the baby gets to call him "Daddy" and she doesn't...
    Last edited by @llli*laurenc; June 6th, 2012 at 03:16 PM.
    Proud of Baby

  7. #87
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    I'm so glad things are looking up. There haven't been plugged ducts because you are feeding your baby the way she is meant to be fed.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*laurenc View Post
    I’m just worried the baby isn’t getting enough – she’s been feeding almost every 2 hours and I feel like we’ve reverted back to the days when I just came home from the hospital. Usually, with the bottle, she would easily take 4 ounces and be satisfied for 3-4 hours. Now, I think she’s only drinking in a little bit, before falling asleep at my breast. I’ve been trying the ”burping” routine, “stripping” routine and even the “singing/dancing/tickling” routine
    This is very normal feeding behavior. Babies are not supposed to go 3-4 hours between feedings. It's not all that healthy for a baby to fill up like that then wait so long to eat again. My son nursed every 1.5-2 hours until he was well over a year. And he was a fat infant. The rolls covering rolls covering rolls kind of fat. Don't let frequent feedings make you think there is a problem; it is far more normal than infrequent feedings!
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  8. #88
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    415

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Glad things are getting better! As far as your daughter only feeding for 5-7 minutes per side, I wouldn't necessarily worry about it--she may just be an efficient eater! I forget how old she is exactly (3 months?) but as babies get past the newborn stage, often they are able to get a full feeding's worth of milk breastfeeding for just 10 minutes or so. Watch the wet diapers, but as long as she's having 5-6 wet diapers per day and doesn't seem hungry, she's probably getting plenty. Good for you for taking your 'mommy' role back! Keep it up!

  9. #89
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    415

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Also, agree with K. Sophia re: frequent feedings. My DS is 7 months and still feeds about every 2 hours, sometimes more often in the evenings. There's nothing wrong with it--it's very normal!

  10. #90
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,883

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Nursing every 2 hours is totally normal. My kids both nursed every 1-2 hours during the day throughout their first year.

    When a baby goes a long time without eating after having a bottle, that means baby was probably overfed.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •