Thank you guys. I am going to do my best and work up the courage to talk to DH/MIL calmly tonight. I had a long day at work to think about my own emotions and I think I'm able to keep them checked tonight. It's probably not that big of a deal - I'm just feeling very overwhelmed because of the aches, pain and lack of sleep (that really clouds my judgement). Both DH/MIL don't mean any ill, they are both trying to help... but it's to the best of their knowledge and not neccesarily best for the baby and I. I was really exhuasted from last nights antics and snuck out of work 2 hours earlier so I could get home at a decent hour. I called ahead of time, so MIL knows she shouldn't feed the baby. I'm typing this post after spending a full hour snuggling with the baby and EB her.
I also spoke to my boss and told him he needed to respect the fact that I am still on maternity leave. I have been working up until I was rushed to the hospital to give birth. Heck, he even called me when I was getting my epidural and asked if I could work on a financial spreadsheet. DH was pissed off I picked up the phone call.
The only reason I still go to the office, is because the boss ropes me in with sob stories about how he can't handle something and needs my help. A coworker had lunch with me today and told me I was being "used" and the boss was exploiting my kindness. She said I had to grow a spine and just tell him firmly, I wanted to finish out my maternity leave or at least work from home. (He owes me about 2 months worth of paychecks and keeps "promising" to pay me if I just help him with this one last thing). My coworker bluntly told me she had heard him brag about how he's getting "free labor" out of me (she's his secretary so she hears a lot of stuff from her desk).
She is the reason why I stood up to my boss and told him I was leaving and not coming back until he sends me a check for the money he owes me. DH called on my drive home and I proudly told him I stood up for myself and won't be going back to work until I got paid...
...I hope I did the right thing because I'm totally panicking hahahahaha
My other job is in sales, the hours are a bit more flexible since I can switch shifts with other people and it's a lot closer to home. Hopefully I stop being a "lazy bum" (as DH affectionally likes to call me) and start getting my act together before MIL takes over completely. As soon as DH gets home from work, I will (hopefully calmly/maturely) tell them I'd very much like to try cosleeping with my daughter and EB as much as possible when I am home. As many of you mentioned - I'm probably not voicing my thoughts coherently enough and I should sit down and just tell them what I want. Maybe that's all it takes to clear up the air... One friend said I should just give him a box of earplugs for Father's day and smile sweetly into his face...
Lilah's mom - It could be a cultural thing... Asian mother's tend to come over and "take over" child-rearing while the young mother rests/goes back to work. In fact, my sister-in-law has 3 kids (planning on a 4th) and not once did she raise any of her children. MIL is really god-sent... without hesitation, she stepped in a raised all 3 children until they were school-age. Since MIL lives with me... I became their "2nd mother." Even now, the children still prefer to be at my house (where they were raised) and the younger ones bawl everytime their father comes to pick them up. As a matter of fact, the children have already made a "pact" this weekend. They are spending summer vacation at my house everyday!
MIL doesn't mean to just "take over," but I guess I get extremely defensive and upset when she assumes I will be like her daughter. I am a hands-on mother - I have a feeling I will be one of those "tiger moms" when my child grows up - but that is only because of my secret fear of turning into SIL. Her daughters are closer to me, then they are to mommy. They rather hang out with Aunty, even though I am the stricter/firmer then their parents. SIL spoils her children rotten; Everytime they go home, she gives them makeovers, junk food, buys them new clothes/toys, etc.... yet they still prefer to be with grandma and I. I am not trying to take away grandma's time with the baby... but I don't expect her to become "mama-bear." I want her to know that "mama-bear" is a roll I fully want to take on and she is more then welcome to be "grandma-bear." I know she is worried I don't want her in the baby's life (she is very attached to the little tyke already) and that is NOT the case at all. She lives with us I doubt I can ever "detach" her from my life, even if I tried (which I will not). I just have to let her know, when it comes to feeding the baby, this will be my job. Heck, it can even be my only job. She is welcome to give the baby baths, do ALL the household chores and play with the baby - especially the poopy diaper changes! hahaha
DH and I treat our neices just like they are one of our own - we've been raising them under our roof since they were infants. That means I do everything with them; taking them to the library... making sure their homework is done... getting them off the tv and outside playing under the sun... taking them to their doctor appointments... signing them up for summer camp so they aren't sitting at their parents house watching tv all summer... etc. etc. I am not a mother who treats her child like a barbie doll; I frown upon putting makeup on the little children, showering them with new clothes, feeding them ice-cream/candy before dinner or painting their nails in weird colors meant for adults (like black or siren red, etc.)
I am willing and happy to make sacrifices so my child is happy - just like I did for my nieces. I couldn't breastfeed my nieces, but if given the choice - I would've gladly done so to improve their health. If I were to analyze myself (like a therapist)... perhaps I think breastfeeding will bond my daughter to me and she will never ever ever ever be like her cousins - she will never reject mommy.
Hence, when my daughter cried the other day and rejected my breast.... I, too, burst into tears because my fear had come true. She preferred grandma instead of me. I voiced that fear to DH and he actually laughed and told me I was overreacting.
...aaaand I'm rambling again. Sorry ladies! I just have so much pent up emotions and jumbled thoughts, all my posts turn into essays! I will take it one step at a time. Everything you've told me is true - this situation is clearly not working for me and I need to just sit down and talk to DH/MIL about everything. 3 heads are better then 1...
...we'll see what happens tonight